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Forum
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-> Inspirational
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Apr 28 2020, 2:25 am
So I've been following what each day of sefirah symbolizes, and I realize that I have no middos whatsoever.
I mean, for example. Today is "Hod ShebiTiferes". Rabbi YY Jacobson has all these qualifiers about what it means to have a particular middah.
https://v5.theyeshiva.net/jewi.....eness
Today is this:
| Quote: |
Genuine empathy requires humility (Hod means surrender, humility, submission.) I must listen closely to the other person’s needs and wants. Sometimes we become smug and arrogant in our empathy, trying to guide other people’s emotions and pathways. We are empathetic on our terms, not on theirs.
I must learn to cultivate humility and modesty in my empathy. I need to open myself up to what the other person is feeling, not what I think they should be feeling. |
I.....literally don't even know where to begin with this. Of course I'm empathetic on my terms! What does it truly mean to be empathetic on someone else's terms? I don't know how to truly put myself in someone else's shoes.
Can anyone help? I feel like these daily examinations take a particular middah and then nitpick it apart until it seems no longer do-able.
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amother
Forestgreen
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Tue, Apr 28 2020, 2:31 am
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Given that it's Yom HaZikaron, maybe thinking about families who've lost a loved one.
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amother
Ecru
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Tue, Apr 28 2020, 2:34 am
To be honest, these are midos that you DO have. They are the building blocks of your neshama.
As with all things, they can be expressed more strongly, or in a more positive way. Instead of trying to analyze whether or not you "have" the middah, try writing a few sentences that help strengthen that middah inside yourself.
To use Hod Shebetiferes (one possible definition of which you posted):
- When people complain about not being able to try on shoes in person while in quarantine, I can try to empathize with them. That feeling of not being able to do something they feel is basic can be very painful. It is hard when life is so twisted that something as simple as shoe shopping in person is no longer possible.
- When my son bursts out crying during his Zoom class, I can stop and listen before assuming what he must be feeling. I can try to empathize with him whatever he feels the issue is - whether he is embarrassed at not wearing his uniform or that his friends saw his sister in the background; whether he doesn't understand what is happening because yesterday he refused to go; or if he is just frustrated and bored.
Sefiras Ha'omer is a process. If every day we remind ourselves about steps we can take to be a better version of ourselves, we will be better people at the end of it. We don't have to reach perfection by the end.
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amother
Bisque
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Tue, Apr 28 2020, 2:37 am
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | To be honest, these are midos that you DO have. They are the building blocks of your neshama.
As with all things, they can be expressed more strongly, or in a more positive way. Instead of trying to analyze whether or not you "have" the middah, try writing a few sentences that help strengthen that middah inside yourself.
To use Hod Shebetiferes (one possible definition of which you posted):
- When people complain about not being able to try on shoes in person while in quarantine, I can try to empathize with them. That feeling of not being able to do something they feel is basic can be very painful. It is hard when life is so twisted that something as simple as shoe shopping in person is no longer possible.
- When my son bursts out crying during his Zoom class, I can stop and listen before assuming what he must be feeling. I can try to empathize with him whatever he feels the issue is - whether he is embarrassed at not wearing his uniform or that his friends saw his sister in the background; whether he doesn't understand what is happening because yesterday he refused to go; or if he is just frustrated and bored.
Sefiras Ha'omer is a process. If every day we remind ourselves about steps we can take to be a better version of ourselves, we will be better people at the end of it. We don't have to reach perfection by the end. |
You explained that really well. Can you do this for other days too? I feel like everyone can use practical examples to guide us through the process.
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Jewishmom8
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Tue, Apr 28 2020, 3:01 am
this is great
thank you for posting
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amother
OP
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Tue, Apr 28 2020, 3:22 am
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | To be honest, these are midos that you DO have. They are the building blocks of your neshama.
As with all things, they can be expressed more strongly, or in a more positive way. Instead of trying to analyze whether or not you "have" the middah, try writing a few sentences that help strengthen that middah inside yourself.
To use Hod Shebetiferes (one possible definition of which you posted):
- When people complain about not being able to try on shoes in person while in quarantine, I can try to empathize with them. That feeling of not being able to do something they feel is basic can be very painful. It is hard when life is so twisted that something as simple as shoe shopping in person is no longer possible.
- When my son bursts out crying during his Zoom class, I can stop and listen before assuming what he must be feeling. I can try to empathize with him whatever he feels the issue is - whether he is embarrassed at not wearing his uniform or that his friends saw his sister in the background; whether he doesn't understand what is happening because yesterday he refused to go; or if he is just frustrated and bored.
Sefiras Ha'omer is a process. If every day we remind ourselves about steps we can take to be a better version of ourselves, we will be better people at the end of it. We don't have to reach perfection by the end. |
I totally love this. LOVE! How about you come on here each day and explain how to have that middah of the day!
I think I would have excelled at Gevurah. Too bad I wasn't paying attention that week. Well....Maybe. But probably not.
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