Missing a close family wedding

amother

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 1:31 pm

So it looks like I’ll be missing my little sisters wedding due to travel restrictions right now. I’m so sad about it, it’s really dragging me down:(. I’m the only sibling that doesn’t live locally and I was so looking forward to this wedding and spending time with my family. My gown is hanging ready to go and I splurged on a new sheitel for the occasion. it’s depressing me Crying

Anybody here went through this? I just need some empathy and chizuk.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 1:40 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Anybody here went through this? I just need some empathy and chizuk.

Sort of. My sister is hoping to get married soon but we live in NJ where weddings are illegal at present. I had set aside money for a new sheitel, booked hair and makeup artist, bought adorable matching outfits for my kids, etc. This is a long awaited Simcha.
However it looks like the wedding will be a spontaneous event with very few people, as soon as it becomes legal. None of our dear grandparents will be there- it's not safe. It'll really be a small crowd. But at least I'll be there. I do feel your pain, and I hope Hashem allows you many future opportunities to celebrate simchos with your family.
I highly suggest you dress up and Zoom/FaceTime the event. Have some champagne or wine on hand and really celebrate. Perhaps make a fancy dinner that night.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 2:03 pm

I have a niece my age. We are bfffffffffffffs. I missed her wedding last summer because of the measles outbreak. I was pregnant, and I wasnt immune. I was so so so upset! They facetimed me, but it's not the same Sad

hugs!!! It really sucks.

tryinghard

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 2:16 pm

I don’t know if I will be at my sister’s wedding. It was supposed to be July, and they may be moving it to June (long story but June was originally ideal and now the reasons for pushing it off aren’t relevant so they don’t want to wait so long). I have no clue if we will or will not be able to go. I keep going back and forth in my mind about it, and it’s hard to put in the effort to find a dress (let alone for my kids!) when I may not be able to go after all that!

amother

Ecru

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 2:17 pm

in march my niece planned a 500 person wedding the other side wanted to cancel the wedding
not the marriage the parents have diabetes and were afraid of catching carona virus they had to fly from isreal many guest canceled the wedding went on the date planned with a smaller shul and less people the parents caught caronavirus
we told them we could not attend because of carona

amother

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 2:52 pm

Thank you all for empathizing. it helps! We are definitely planning to live stream it so everyone could be a part of it. I’m planning to treat us to a fancy meal, we’ll all put on our gowns and make up and dance in the dining room. I’ll try to make the best of it but inside I feel so so sad. I’m so conflicted because I keep telling myself that bH we’re all healthy and have what to eat and people are going through so much pain right now and missing a wedding is frivolous in such times. But my heart doesn’t always listen to my head and does it’s own thing... Being home with my large family doesn’t make it easier on me and I feel so tired and burnt out... a wedding with my family would have been so on point right now!

amother

Teal

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 3:20 pm

A few years ago I missed one of DHs siblings weddings because of a storm. My husband left early because we knew of the possibilty so he made it, but I never got out (and he ended up being stuck there for a week).
I know it's not the same as my own sibling, but it was definitely hard. Even years later it's hard to look at pictures of the entire family together and I'm the only one missing. It was also by far the fanciest wedding in the family (youngest from both sides), so it is always talked about at simchos.
It's hard, I feel for you Sad

amother

cornflower

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 3:30 pm

So hard! I hadn't had a family wedding in a long time. We had 3 weddings of first cousins this winter (all different sides of the family) that we were so excited to attend but we had to miss all 3!!

Now my husband's last single sibling is finally getting married BH but her wedding is planned out of state for the week I'm due iyH...

amother

Wine

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 3:37 pm

It feels very sad to not be there in person. You are doing what you need to and I am proud of you that you will maximize your participation by dressing up & "joining" with a seudas mitzvah. Why not even plan some cute shtick? They will for sure miss you too.

amother

Mustard

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 3:52 pm

Seeing how you all missed siblings and close relative weddings makes me be very thankful that my sil wedding, living out of town, was in the town I live and was able to attend. Was end of March. My niece is getting married after shvous. She's the oldest, so we aunts are immediate family and will Iyh attend. I hope weddings will be back up by then tho.
Although it was hard not having grandparents, aunts, and close relatives, all of immediate family was there. Thank you Hashem
Hugs to you all. Can't imagine missing family weddings.

PinkFridge

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 5:37 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

For sure keep telling yourself all the things you're supposed to say (though I disagree with the wedding as frivolous). But if that worked just like that, life would be very different. (Life coaches and many therapists would be out of business, for starters.) Be kind to yourself. Psyche yourself up to do the right thing, I.e. get everyone dressed up, Zoom, and I like the idea of shtick too. And also check out DSW and treat yourself to some shoes, or do some other pampering, whatever your budget.

Hugs and mazel tov!!!