Im feeling about to explore

amother

Thu, May 07 2020, 5:38 pm

I feel my wits ends mainly with my teens. Im not handling them answering me back for everything I say . My explaining to them goes to waste, I falk nicely and discipline them , they twist my words . Iike 1 example: I told my son that doing whatever he wants and not following along or respecting rules in the house doesn't get u too far in life , ppl end up in jail doing impulsive things and not listening to parents, he answers me back. "I will sit in jail then" like if I said he will... which I never said, I said other ppl ended up when they lived free ... he took it as an insult . So do I need to measure up now everything I say?? I tried to explain to him how to follow trhough, he yells back to me. " U have the worst kids" which I never said. Hes twisting around whatever I tell him . Im left with just running out . My younger children are legit easier then my teens . My teens are not respecting me . I feel I cant anymore !

amother

Orchid

Thu, May 07 2020, 6:13 pm

Welcome to parenthood
My kids use to tell me that I must have Alzheimer’s because I never said for them to do xyz
They grow up
And 1 day they’ll thank you for being a great mom
Just hang in there

amother

Burgundy

Thu, May 07 2020, 6:28 pm

You can try avoiding any comments or concerns you want to discuss and only show them positivity. Catch them doing something right. They sat quietly at the table and didn't say anything disrespectful by dinner? Tell them "you were very respectful and I enjoy your company at the table". Made themselves did in the kitchen but left a mess? "You are very responsible for feeding yourself when you needed something without even asking me" etc
Tell them you love them, you like them, you think they are beautiful and wonderful and just stop telling them all the things that worry you for bother you about them. Not forever, but until you have a more solid relationship with them. Then you can slowly start telling them rules and boundaries you need them to follow. They won't listen if they don't genuinely like you (I mean really like, I'm sure they love you inside because children naturally love their parents even if it doesn't look like it... As long as you weren't like the worst parent in the world which I'm sure you're not because you care enough about your kids to write this question)

amother

Tan

Thu, May 07 2020, 7:11 pm

Teens will be teens. They are going through a big biological and emotional transformation and struggling to form an identity.
Please don’t take anything personally. Their attitude is about them, not about you.
The most effective thing you can do is be a good role model. YOU speak respectfully. YOU display good manners and appreciation. YOU take a timeout when it’s getting too hard to be nice😄.
Best wishes. It’s not easy

little neshamala

Thu, May 07 2020, 7:26 pm

OP do your teens feel that you dont just love them, but you genuinely like them, and you love spending time in their company etc?
I find that when they feel liked and befriended, theres a lot less bickering, twisting words and overall arguing