Who does the finances in your family?

amother

Royalblue

Mon, May 11 2020, 3:50 pm

DH.

When I got married, my aunt gave me the best piece of advice ever: Don't take in the mail. Once you take in the mail, you see the bills, it's on you to deal with them.

He wasn't very willing in the first few months to take it on himself. He was a typical yeshiva bachur who didn't want any responsibilities, but I kept on insisting that it's not for me, I have too much anxiety around money, so he has to do it.

Over the years, the finances have become more complicated obviously, so I'm all the more grateful that he's taking care of it all.

amother

Orchid

Mon, May 11 2020, 4:01 pm

My dh does it. I have no patience for it. It works because I am a very careful spender so he does not end up with huge CC bills. He also does not make any decisions without asking me first (like investing in the market).

amother

Taupe

Mon, May 11 2020, 4:33 pm

DH earns the money (and is the big spender of the family) but I deal with all financial issues (paying bills, taxes, loans, etc). He’s more than invited to be involved (and is to the degree he wants to be) but he doesn’t have the time or patience for it.

amother

Lemon

Mon, May 11 2020, 5:33 pm

In my family we both do it, once a month on the last day of the month.

In the beginning of our marriage, I did the finances, for the first 8 years or so. We had plenty of money and saved up to buy a house. But our marriage was not as good as it could have been.

When I read The Surrendered/Empowered Wife, I knew that I had to hand over the money. So I handed it over ... and then we had a bumpy ride for a few years (think credit card debt). But we had a much better marriage. And also our net worth grew (that's what Laura Doyle says would happen. My husband began to earn more money and also took risks because I wasn't controlling him).

Lately, in the past few years, we both do the finances together. B"H we are out of debt (thanks Dave Ramsey!!!). We are all grown up and both control our spending. It's a good place to be. Not a lot of wiggle room, with all the tuitions, summer camps, braces, etc. But we are okay for now and have a peaceful home with civilized discussions about money.

Unfortunately we have not been able to do a weekly or bi-weekly budget. I would love to do that and I commend all of the couples that are able to keep that up.

Sewsew_mom

Mon, May 11 2020, 5:56 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

my dh.

he's good with numbers, excel spreadsheets, figuring out investments... he has more of the mind for it. he also earns the money. I'm in the loop. he won't usually buy a big purchase without running it by me ( except if its a present). I can spend what I want but don't spend large amounts without running it by him- basically it works the same both ways. we are a team but he "does" the finances. I have access to all accounts ( except retirement) and can see the spreadsheets.

Your me!
This.. My husband does the finances because he brings in the money. We Def would spend less if I did the finances, but it's a tradeoff. I'm happy this way and he's very capable. And if I think we need to spend on a large purchase I run it by him.

amother

Lavender

Mon, May 11 2020, 7:01 pm

I have always done the finances and most probably will. I make triple what DH makes and I’m much better at it. Also DH would spend every last penny we had if he actually knew how much we have. So he keeps his paycheck to spend on his own stuff like going out to eat buying me presents whatever he wouldn’t want to ask me for money for. And I pay all the bills tuition etc. from my paycheck. The only thing he pays for bills wise is his lease payment and insurance because he wanted a super expensive lease and I thought it was a waste of money.

amother

Blue

Mon, May 11 2020, 7:04 pm

DH brings in more of the money, but I'm the only one with patience enough to actually be on top of the bills (mostly) and calculate where it's best to put money (we're in a lot of debt, which I don't terribly regret, but I do like to try to pay down).

However, we do consult each other before major (and most minor) purchases.

TwinsMommy

Mon, May 11 2020, 8:14 pm

totally me. He does the bulk of the grocery shopping but I give him the list and budget (and the treats he brings home for himself I playfully tease him about but it's understood that there is some wiggle room for him to play). Buying groceries and gas is a given--- if he needs to buy anything else he checks with me first-- NO IDEA how much is in any account-- -that's all me. Works for us. So even a $30 sefer he'll ask me first if he can do it today or does it need to wait a week, etc.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, May 11 2020, 8:26 pm

Dh and I make the same amount of money. I take care of all the finances. Dh doesn’t even know the password to logon to the bank. It’s not that I hide it from him, he just has zero interest. I got married in my mid twenties and was already on my own financially and he was a yeshiva guy without a penny to his name. I just added him to my bank accounts and kept up doing what I was doing.

All accounts I opened up since we got married are in both our names. I never added him to my savings account from my single days but that’s what funded our down payment and the account is long gone...

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, May 11 2020, 8:34 pm

When we first got married, I left it to dh and saw he knew NOTHING ABOUT SAVING, BILLS etc. He just spent on nonsense BEFORE PAYING RENT, electric etc...our account went negative and he had no idea...he just spent...I had to take over otherwise he wouldve drove us into debt....so I took over but we still both had access...etc..

Little did I know that he was still spending on extras such that when I was going to pay bills, the money was gone...he denied taking the $ but bank said he took it out(his name)....unfortunately after many lies and problems like when we moved I put aside $ to pay moving fees(he spent it)...etc...I decided to have separate bank account...I WISH HE WERE RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH to take care?of the budget, bills etc...but unfortunately, hes not reliable...

amother

Pewter

Tue, May 12 2020, 1:24 am

Is it weird that I always get confused about these finance questions! Ive never seen it as a chore that someone specific needs to do.

Maybe things are different in Israel? All our bills are automatic every month and we mostly get email receipts, so theres no manual payments to do. No 'bills to pay' as the money just comes out of our account, nothing we need to do except verify the amount looks right. Same with pensions, insurance, rent, daycare etc, we have no manual payments at all. We spend roughly the same amount on groceries each month and of course log in to our banking app a few times each month just to check in. Neither of us are big spenders but we would always run big purchases by eachother. We only have one account, theres no benefit to having more here.

We dont make enough for any substantial savings but occasionally well move a bit of money into a savings account. BH we bought a house a few years ago, so I dont feel pressure to save up for that.

What am I missing? Or are things just way more conplex in US??

amother

Blue

Tue, May 12 2020, 1:30 am

Ah, the luxuries of having enough money!

For me, "doing the bills" means trying to figure out if there is enough in the bank to pay the electric/gas/phone bill, not paying them on time if there's not enough, trying to figure out if it makes more sense to pay extra to the credit card or to pay down some of the late tuition, make sure there's enough credit available to cover the automatic payments (because that's far safer than the bank - if there aren't funds, the bill will be late, whereas if there's not enough in the bank there's an overdraft fee) etc.

In an ideal world, I'd have all expenses go automatically onto the credit card with the best rewards, and have that credit card paid automatically in full from my bank account.

Alas, my reality is far from there.