Parenting an Asperger's type 11 year old

amother

Crimson

Wed, May 13 2020, 8:15 pm

No
Im near Monsey
I do all of this.
Except floor time
I have no clue what it is though I've heard of it
He's 12 if that makes a difference

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, May 13 2020, 9:45 pm

OP have you ever looked into pandas as a root cause of your child’s symptoms? The fixations and special interests are identical to what a lot of pandas parents are seeing as ocd in their children. Ditto the grammar policing. Depression is common in pandas especially as they get closer to puberty.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, May 13 2020, 9:57 pm

Also, as a parent, don't ever make him feel like there's something wrong with him. Let him be himself! If he has friends with the same interests, it's great because often with HFA they have difficulty socially like you described.
Lots of people don't like sports and that's okay.
A summer camp that has a robotics program might be interesting for someone that likes computers and he can find like minded people. But if he doesn't want to go it's also not a big deal, I wasn't very fond of camps either.

powerofplay

Thu, May 14 2020, 2:22 pm

You can learn more about DIR/Floortime on Profectum.org . Obviously, treatment will look different for a 12 year old but the principals remain the same : looking to build rich, joyful interpersonal relationships, communication and build logical, emotional, and nuanced thinking . This is a major undertaking but the goal is to fill in the building blocks that are weak developmentally, by mobilizing strengths . He may also benefit from some of the work of Michelle Garcia - Winner , Social Learning . Good luck !

amother

Garnet

Tue, Mar 15 2022, 11:45 am

Hi, my daughter sounds just like your son, 11 years old. For a while she seemed depressed, she was only interested in working on the computer, she spent less and less time outdoors, etc. She began occupational therapy and I see a huge difference. Even though she isnt interested in playing outdoors still, her whole mood and affect is much more upbeat and she is nicer to her siblings and me. I think movement and physical play has a huge impact on mood and affect and its really important for kids to get exercise for this reason. Now that its getting warmer, I will start insisting on her going out to ride her bike, scooter, I plan on taking walks with her etc. She is also seeing a therapist/social worker who says social skills groups are a great idea. Much Hatzlacha!

amother

White

Thu, Mar 31 2022, 11:44 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When my son was 5, he was very aggressive in school and we had him evaluated and we were told he has ADHD. We did not medicate, but somehow he settled down over the years. However, now I'm feeling he's more Asperger's (I know it's really high functioning autism, but that specific type) - he's highly intelligent, but intense and socially awkward. He used invite other kids, try to fit in, etc. Since he was a child, he always had special almost obsessive interests (but changes every once in a while to something new that's captured him) that he seems to think and talk about almost constantly. There used to be a geshmak/excitement to how he talked, expressed himself and now, within the past 2 years that is absent. He also developed a monotone and doesn't express much feeling anymore. Currently, he relates to others in school only based on his current interest and nothing else and doesn't invite anyone over anymore. He spends a lot of time on the computer following his interest - constantly wants more time to pursue it. His relationship with younger siblings devolved into basically telling them to stop making noise and correcting their grammar. He has never been into sports, but had played outside in the past (running, on swings, etc), but now does not do that at all anymore. He does not want to go to camp at all this summer, and I told him he has to go for a few weeks. I am concerned about his current behavior and not sure how to parent him in a way that will help him feel good about himself (& his interest, which I want to encourage, but not allow it to take over his whole life), but also help him become more aware of people and sensitive to others around him. To those who have children who are High Functioning Autistic, does this sound to you like this may be what it is? How do you parent your children and encourage them/help them with social skills if they are basically in their own world, not really bothering anyone too much, but not relating to people around them? How would you come up with appropriate amount of computer time for that special interest? Any ideas of resources for me? Should I be seeing a therapist to get a good idea how to deal with him - who'd be most appropriate? He is resistant to seeing a therapist for himself as doesn't see anything wrong. What is best role I can take as his parent?

My 11 yo son has so many similarities to yours. But for us, I'm not convinced it's on the autism spectrum since he does have basic social skills and has strong feelings (not sure if that's a plus, though!). Our biggest concerns are the obsessions (ocd?) and lack of focus.
Our son also spends way too much time on the computer, as his only interests are computer-related. Does your son code? Would that be a more educational/productive way of using his screen time versus a video game? My son also hates sports, but I think exercise is really good for his mental well-being and I try to push that too. Hatzlacha!

amother

Copper

Fri, Apr 01 2022, 12:00 am

amother [ White ] wrote:

That sounds more like ADD.