Boundaries | Imamother

j123

Sun, May 24 2020, 9:25 pm

My 3 year old son started coming out of bed in middle of the night. I am curious to know what's normal?
My rule is kids can never sleep with a parent, my sisters even locks the door at night.
My hubby is more chilled about it, he says its not that bad.
I feel like it's the lazy thing to do even if he will keep us up for an hour at 3am....

amother

Linen

Sun, May 24 2020, 9:26 pm

its really challenging especially now

some kids are regressing a bit

I would give some leeway given the need for extra security that many kids need right now

hugs and hatlzlocha

amother

Lime

Sun, May 24 2020, 9:50 pm

I'm lucky in that I remember being scared in the middle of the night and coming into my parents' room. I remember how my father didn't like it and would lock the door and the sheer terror of sitting there alone in the hallway crying, until my father fell back asleep and my mother let us in. I remember how much safer I felt then.

Because that memory is still so clear for me, I would never be able to put my children through the same. They're not trying to manipulate, they are legitimately afraid.

My babies sleep in my room, and part of the night in my bed, until age 2. If an older kid wakes up scared they are welcome to sleep on the floor in my room. If it happened often I'd put a mattress there for them. For some reason, it hardly ever happens.

Light makes things less scary, so having a nightlight in your child's room might make him/her less likely to be afraid and need to come to you.

observer

Sun, May 24 2020, 9:57 pm

So sorry for your experience, lime amother. Sad

Everyone has different approaches. It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other. We do what we consider a happy medium. We don't let the kids cry or wait scared, and we don't have them come into our room and sleep in our beds or floor, as the nights are our time together and that can impact upon couple opportunities. If a kid comes to the door crying, one of us will go with the child to his/her room, soothe the child, hug, kiss, etc., tuck into bed, and if need be, stay a little bit until the child is calm and settled or asleep.

amother

Indigo

Sun, May 24 2020, 10:05 pm

Small children need the security of knowing that their parents are there for them. It doesn't matter if you go to the child or if he comes to you, as long as you're there physically and emotionally. But a child should not be awake, alone, and scared in the night.

Blessing1

Sun, May 24 2020, 10:39 pm

We don't allow our kids to sleep with us, but if a child wakes up at night we go sit with them in their bed or go with them on the couch. Our bedroom door is wide open, I'd never lock the door for the night. I don't think that's safe and kids need to know that they can come to their parents in middle of the night.

Blessing1

Sun, May 24 2020, 10:41 pm

j123 wrote:

My son really gives us a hard time its not like I can just tug him in and gnight he makes us stay for a while....

This is normal behavior for a 3 year old. Does he sleep alone in a room? Sit with him for a while, maybe have a night light or lamp on.

silverlining3

Sun, May 24 2020, 10:41 pm

observer wrote:

So sorry for your experience, lime amother. Sad

Could've written this word for word.

My kids are used to this way and bh don't show any sign of fear or resentment. Even more so, when my DH leaves in the wee hours, he many times doesn't lock the room. My kids knock, they don't even try the knob ha

amother

Burgundy

Sun, May 24 2020, 10:47 pm

My children come in my bed at 3 I don’t find it a big deal... I reward them for staying in their beds a full night. If you can get some sleep it’s pretty normal at 3. It depends on your comfort level.... especially now children are a little nervous... don’t worry they will grow out of it...

amother

Beige

Mon, May 25 2020, 12:11 am

I wouldn't lock the door, I think that is scary.

I tell my son he can't fall asleep in our bed but if he wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to he can come. He does that very rarely though. Personally I like snuggling with him. He's only going to be this little for a short amount of time and I love those snuggles. And my husband and I get to have our private time before we go to sleep.
It's such a personal decision and nobody is right or wrong. You do you just do it in a way that keeps your kids feeling safe (as others have said an alternative is going to his room and staying there for a little bit).

amother

Sienna

Mon, May 25 2020, 12:15 am

My son also started waking up since corona started. He used to sleep first in my bed, then DH, but he's in his own room for almost a year without coming back during the night. Now he started waking up, but we send him back to his room and he's fine.
If he wouldnt be, I would invite him into my bed.
Amother lime, I had a similar experience