S/O separate dancing

amother

Orchid

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:09 am

Chayalle wrote:

My DH would hit the roof if anyone did this at any of my DD's weddings.

Would your dh hit the roof if someone else’s father and brothers came to dance with her?

Chayalle

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:11 am

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

I have seen a "proper" mitzvah tantz, where the kallah holds the gartel and doesnt dance and only the immediate of her like father grandfather chassan hold it & dance, then I have also seen the kind where both sides and kallah all dance together women too, it seems completely not to the standards of normal every day life that is kept, which people like me who are not chassidish can find very shocking and taken aback. If Lwmo did it I would not be shocked. It just seems like it isnt in the other peoples standards at all.

Also, my grandmother told me that in Europe, only older men were called up to dance mitzva tanz (not young boys, like the brothers of the Chosson, etc..)

My DH leaves before the mitzva tanz. (My family jokes that he likes to get home early.)

Chayalle

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:13 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Would your dh hit the roof if someone else’s father and brothers came to dance with her?

Not sure I understand the question. Would he hit the roof at someone else's simcha? No, that's their business (he doesn't get involved in what happens at his siblings' kids' weddings). But at his own Simcha it would be his business. (He would not want the Chassan's family to do this.)

amother

Slateblue

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:14 am

I'm pretty strict lubavitch and the concept of men and women going to the other side of the mechitza is foreign to me. Women dancing in front of or with men, no way.
It's beautiful for father and daughter to dance or a mother and son but why in public? Brothers and sisters also don't touch after a certain age so holding hands dancing- also wouldn't happen in my family. I can't imagine my children holding hands or dancing together, it's just foreign to us, out of our mentality.

Chayalle

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:18 am

Also, I've heard that it often becomes much more than just the Chassan or Kallah's immediate family. For example, at her niece's wedding, my sister's MIL wanted her boys to join in the circle, and my sister and BIL were very upset about it.

I would not have my girls dance in any circle that involves other men. We would consider that to be against Halacha. I don't have sons, but if I did, same would apply.

essie14

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:19 am

At my wedding we had a family dance during the second set. DH and I danced together and our parents and family members joined us. We also had [GASP!] secular Israeli and American music. Oh, the horror! This is done at most weddings in our circles.
But even at my yeshivish friends' weddings, most times the father and grandfather and brothers come to the womens side to dance with the kallah and usually the rest of the female family members join in.

Chayalle

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:22 am

essie14 wrote:

It is not most times. Definitely NOT in more RW yeshivish families.

amother

Mauve

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:23 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Just wondering, who had family dancing at their wedding?
As in either in the middle of one of the dancing rounds or at the end of the wedding, everyone from the chatan and kallah's immediate family came together in a great big circle and all danced together?

Ive been at family wedding like that and seen it a few times and think its lovely.

It’s completely assur.
Chatan and kallahs side both genders all dancing together????
It’s NOT lovely at all. Ugh

Throw the tomatoes now. NP

amother

Orchid

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:27 am

Chayalle wrote:

Right so at my sister in law’s wedding other people were getting involved ...

OutofTown Girl

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:31 am

Einikel wrote:

I genuinely want to know, which part of mitzva tantz do they think is against Halacha?

For those who don't "hold of" mitzvah tantz, I believe the main issue is the chassan and kallah holding hands. This is due to the issur of a husband and wife displaying affection (chibah) in public. I know that mitzva tantz is a very elevated time, etc., but it still doesn't take away the fact that the chassan and kallah are holding hands. This would apply to holding hands after the chuppah, too.

(If you want to take this to the extreme - when my in-laws take pictures together in public, like at their kids' weddings, they stand quite a bit apart, because they feel that standing right near each other and smiling together at the camera is displaying affection. I have a hard time with that one...)

heidi

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:35 am

At my son's wedding my husband and sons came to dance with me and my daughter.
Also my father danced with my mother and me and my sister and our daughters.
All in the women's section.
No non first degree relatives involved.
It was beautiful

amother

Mauve

Mon, May 25 2020, 9:37 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

ENOUGH already!!! Maspeek! Move on. If a thread is not something you feel you need to answer, MOVE ON!!!

Shabbat, I’m sure you mean no harm but you often seem to promote things that the rabbonim dont. And then get upset when others get annoyed.
Maspeek. Please.

essie14

Mon, May 25 2020, 10:11 am

Chayalle wrote:

It is not most times. Definitely NOT in more RW yeshivish families.

It's most times at the weddings I attend. Perhaps not most of the weddings you attend.

Chayalle

Mon, May 25 2020, 10:53 am

BTW my DH would totally go into a side room with his girls after the chuppah and dance with them in private. I could totally see him do this. But he would never enter the women's section to dance with them there in public.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, May 25 2020, 11:36 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Shabbat, I’m sure you mean no harm but you often seem to promote things that the rabbonim dont. And then get upset when others get annoyed.
Maspeek. Please.

I am not promoting anything here. Just stating fact about something that I have seen.
I am not upset that people get annoyed. Get annoyed. Thats fine. Everyone follows their frumkeit differently, as we know. It was how that poster worded what she worded it.

amother

Cerise

Mon, May 25 2020, 12:00 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

http://stumptherabbi.org/what-is-the-source-of-the-minhag-of-the-mitzvah-tanz-and-why-does-chabad-not-do-it/
The Rebbe says that because of Yeridas Hadoros, what was once a beautiful and beloved minhag based on Kabbalah now can bring to problems in tznius.

Yeah. We are ultra chassidish (not lub.) and my dh says if it would be totally up to him, he would not do mitzva tantz at all, because he knows what a holy thing it is meant to be, and he sees what it sometimes turns into.

And in our family the kallas father also dances with a gartel. And the men who dance do not look at the kallah, do not look at choson kallah dancing.

Also, they usually set up the seating so that the men and women are sitting perpendicular, not parallel to each other.
And by some of my siblings, the chosson and kallah don't sit together.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, May 25 2020, 5:58 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Exactly it leads to mixed dancing.

mommy3b2c

Mon, May 25 2020, 6:39 pm

heidi wrote:

I agree that it’s beautiful when it’s all close relatives. I recently made bar mitzvah and my father came and danced with me in the women’s section.