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Neighbors - ADVICE PLS



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sari00




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 5:01 pm
So our neighbors have no respect for boundaries, were looking to move into a larger apartment, possibly house but we can't move until January.

Noisy children running back and forth upstairs form us, no respect for boundaries such as smoking up their bbq grill on our porch when we specifically asked to moved to driveway not right at our windows, I understand some ppl have their own stories and we try not not judge or criticize their lack of consideration. But when we get no regard or consideration it's so hard to judge favorably.

We're working on our patience - please advise what would you do to resolve the situation?
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 5:08 pm
Neighbor problems could be really aggravating.
There is an inyan of din kadima. The person living there first has the right to do whatever he’s been doing prior to the new people moving in. So if he always grilled on the porch , it would be considerate of him to move it off the porch . However he doesn’t have to and you should rather close your window and doors while he fires up his grill.

If you moved into an apartment underneath someone that you know has kids, it’s inevitable that there will be noise. It’s part of apartment living , especially when there are kids.

It’s annoying, I know . But if these people lived there before you , then there’s not much complaining you can or should do. If you lived there first and never had a grill on the porch etc. then you can make the request that they move it.
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sari00




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 5:10 pm
theyre new neighbors, (so noisy kids, or lack of consideration is a new thing) we had a young couple upstairs and didnt hear them at all... kinda miss it
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 5:22 pm
newima wrote:
theyre new neighbors, (so noisy kids, or lack of consideration is a new thing) we had a young couple upstairs and didnt hear them at all... kinda miss it

It’s tough. Some people are inconsiderate and no matter how much you ask them they will not see anything wrong with what they are doing. I’ve had to deal with such neighbors and it was very hard. We were very grateful when we moved
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 5:23 pm
Here's some general wisdom in dealing with difficult people. Note -- this is a nice person approach. Sometimes, being more firm is better, it depends on your style. I opt for the Roosevelt approach to speak softly and carry a big stick.

1. Think about what really bothers you, and what's a minor annoyance. This varies; if someone has asthma, the smoke from the grill is a bigger problem; if your baby keeps getting woken by kids running around at 10 pm, then that's a bigger problem.

2. Assign the significant problems a scale of 1-10, where 1 is shaking your head for a second, and 10 is calling the cops.

3. If the number is high enough, think about how you will communicate effectively. Don't rely on a mere request, or expectation that of course thoughtful people wouldn't do such a thing.

4. Be prepared to listen. Let's say the smoke was a health or fire hazard for you. You say please set up your grill in the driveway, you see they did not. Pleasantly but assertively go and ask -- "I had requested that you not grill so close to the house, what happened? Did you forget, or did you just think it wasn't important?" Listen to their response, repeat it to show you heard it.

5. Then, politely reassert your request, possibly with an explanation as to why it matters so much. Ask if there's any way you can help -- is the grill particularly hard for them to move, or is it a problem to block the driveway? No, it's not your problem, but if it matters enough to you, it might be worth showing them that you hear their difficulty and it's worth it to you to help.

6. If that doesn't do it, let them know that their actions will have a consequence. What can you do to put teeth into it? Call the fire department?

7. Follow through, if needed. Politely.

None of this will make everyone happy neighbors. But that wasn't going to happen anyway. Your best bet may be not to be completely miserable.

One should be dl"z. But not a doormat.
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shanie5




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 6:18 pm
Put a fan in the window, blowing outward, when the bbq is on. Ot will blow the smoke away from the house
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silverlining3




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 9:39 pm
In the past 5 years (since I moved into my current apt) I learnt, as long as it's not abnormal noise, it is what it is. You live your life and they live theirs... Kids make noise, period! Now during COVID 19 you can't blame anyone really.
I'm ever so grateful for having the most decent neighbor above me. Yes they make tons of noise, 7 kids, but that's normal life. She apologized a few times for making unusual noise at sometimes unusual times. And these few times I told her of things that really bother me, she never gets upset and is so understanding. A bracha. And then when I hear the other upstairs neighbor saying what a tzadeikas her downstairs neighbor is for tolerating her boys playing instruments at 3am............I'm shaking my head, WHAT THE FLIP??? 3am???? Come on! Then I'm even more thankful for my upstairs neighbor! Thank you Hashem
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tweety1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 9:51 pm
shanie5 wrote:
Put a fan in the window, blowing outward, when the bbq is on. Ot will blow the smoke away from the house

Lol. Love this idea. This is so me. " Turn off the fan". I'm so sorry it's really hot in the room".
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Rubber Ducky




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 9:56 pm
imasinger wrote:
... I opt for the Roosevelt approach to speak softly and carry a big stick. ...

Truman.

But great advice overall!
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 25 2020, 11:35 pm
Rubber Ducky wrote:
Truman.

But great advice overall!


Nope. Teddy Roosevelt. 😉

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wik.....ology
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sari00




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 26 2020, 8:47 am
We asked the landlord to meditate- hopefully they'll listen.

yes even with covid and all...
1. There can be carpeting = less noise.
2. We were told not to bbq on our porch bc it's so close to the house.
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