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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
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amother
Pumpkin
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 Sat, May 30 2020, 11:44 pm
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They judged me in my first marriage. They thought I was a fancy lady.
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amother
Mint
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Sun, May 31 2020, 12:20 am
I don’t have.
But I know a family that didn’t like when their dil insisted on bringing her live in nanny when she came. It made them uncomfortable.
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amother
Royalblue
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Sun, May 31 2020, 12:27 am
What about parents?
I know my mother judges me for having help, but she didn’t hire any and I had to come home to an empty house until she got home from work. I would have preferred she hired a cleaning lady or babysitter to be there.
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amother
Mint
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Sun, May 31 2020, 12:28 am
Are you asking live-in, full time or to part time.
Big difference.
My parents and in laws are thrilled I have house cleaning. Neither would like it if she was a live in.
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amother
Pewter
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Sun, May 31 2020, 12:39 am
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I have both a live in nanny and housekeeper. My parents don’t judge at all since I grew up the same way. My in-laws I’m sure they do but I try to have as little to do with them as possible. They also judge the fact that I have an advanced degree and make 2-3x what their son makes so I ignore anything that come out of their mouth.
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essie14
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Sun, May 31 2020, 12:53 am
If I had a live in, I'm sure my parents and in laws would think its excessive unless I was a super high powered professional.
But my once a week cleaning lady? No, they are thrilled that I have some household help.
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tichellady
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Sun, May 31 2020, 1:13 am
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No, if anything my mom tells me to have more help. No idea what my in laws think since they are polite
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, May 31 2020, 12:58 pm
I don't have one so the point is moot, though it's unlikely because my mil had a housekeeper when she had young children even though she was a sahm. What do you mean by "nanny"? I think the term "nanny" is unspeakably pretentious, unless you're British or your caregiver is, in fact, a credentialed graduate of an accredited British nanny school. Do you mean a babysitter, or as we now call it, a child caregiver? IOW someone who looks after your children when you can't? I had a babysitter who took care of my kids in my house because both dh and I worked outside the home. We needed both incomes and not working was not an option. Somebody wants to criticize that, that's their privilege. It's not going to change anything I do, though it may change the tenor of our relationship if we have one.
If household help (as opposed to childcare) means you have both time and patience for your kids, and you can afford it even though you're a sahm, good for you. Halevai everyone found themselves in that happy situation. OTOH if I had a dil who was a sahm, not disabled in some way, and had a nanny, too, I'd be very UNimpressed unless she had triplets or quads. But unless she was pleading poverty and asking me to help out, I would keep my opinion to myself.
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amother
cornflower
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Sun, May 31 2020, 1:26 pm
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My MIL judges me for having too much help, paying the help too much, not cleaning enough, and considers me subpar on many other household management issues. This bothers me much less than it used to. She is a lifelong SAHM, who has no clue about my life.
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amother
Brown
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Sun, May 31 2020, 1:49 pm
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Nope but my sil does. Started a thread a while back called "sil always asks about my help" or s.t like that..
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happy chick
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Sun, May 31 2020, 2:02 pm
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I'm not judged for having a housekeeper cuz I don't. But my mil certainly judges my housekeeping skill .
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amother
Pearl
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Sun, May 31 2020, 2:03 pm
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I don't have one since before the pandemic. But she'd probably judge me if she knew how messy my house is.
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amother
Brunette
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Sun, May 31 2020, 2:36 pm
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I recently got minimal cleaning help so it hasn't come up but I do see a difference in my in laws and me in terms of frugality. my family is definitely better off financially as are my dh and I. my in-laws are more resourceful.
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amother
Olive
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Sun, May 31 2020, 3:16 pm
| amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote: | I don't have one so the point is moot, though it's unlikely because my mil had a housekeeper when she had young children even though she was a sahm. What do you mean by "nanny"? I think the term "nanny" is unspeakably pretentious, unless you're British or your caregiver is, in fact, a credentialed graduate of an accredited British nanny school. Do you mean a babysitter, or as we now call it, a child caregiver? IOW someone who looks after your children when you can't? I had a babysitter who took care of my kids in my house because both dh and I worked outside the home. We needed both incomes and not working was not an option. Somebody wants to criticize that, that's their privilege. It's not going to change anything I do, though it may change the tenor of our relationship if we have one.
If household help (as opposed to childcare) means you have both time and patience for your kids, and you can afford it even though you're a sahm, good for you. Halevai everyone found themselves in that happy situation. OTOH if I had a dil who was a sahm, not disabled in some way, and had a nanny, too, I'd be very UNimpressed unless she had triplets or quads. But unless she was pleading poverty and asking me to help out, I would keep my opinion to myself. |
It’s for funny that you say this re: nanny. I didn’t have one (my kid was/is in daycare) but on my neighborhood it is called a nanny (a babysitter would be someone you hire occasionally) Maybe this is one of those things that differ where you live?
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amother
Scarlet
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Sun, May 31 2020, 3:36 pm
| amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote: | I don't have one so the point is moot, though it's unlikely because my mil had a housekeeper when she had young children even though she was a sahm. What do you mean by "nanny"? I think the term "nanny" is unspeakably pretentious, unless you're British or your caregiver is, in fact, a credentialed graduate of an accredited British nanny school. Do you mean a babysitter, or as we now call it, a child caregiver? IOW someone who looks after your children when you can't? I had a babysitter who took care of my kids in my house because both dh and I worked outside the home. We needed both incomes and not working was not an option. Somebody wants to criticize that, that's their privilege. It's not going to change anything I do, though it may change the tenor of our relationship if we have one.
If household help (as opposed to childcare) means you have both time and patience for your kids, and you can afford it even though you're a sahm, good for you. Halevai everyone found themselves in that happy situation. OTOH if I had a dil who was a sahm, not disabled in some way, and had a nanny, too, I'd be very UNimpressed unless she had triplets or quads. But unless she was pleading poverty and asking me to help out, I would keep my opinion to myself. |
It might be a regional thing. A babysitter is generally someone who is occasional and doesn't really do much beyond keeping the kids alive for a few hours. A nanny will also tidy up the kids room, make meals for the kids, take care of them, sometimes depending on their schedule do bath time/bed time, nannies are paid better than a babysitter. If someone is a nanny - regardless of certification, they wouldn't want to be called a babysitter.
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