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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
I really did not know what to do. What would you have done



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 1:39 am
My ds 15 went to meet with a friend, left around 7:30 p.m. riding his bike . Me and dh went to sleep. I woke up after 1:00 midnight, he still wasnt home . I freaked out , calling him up how he planned to come home so late , he claimed he was gna go home with his bike after 1:00 am . I was so shocked to hear that my ds thought it's very normal to ride home alone in this spooky hour .
I'm very scared to go out on my own this late , I had no ride for him, and I would have never allowed him to ride home in the midst of the night. I had no one to pick him up, I had to wake up my dh to go pick him up and I feel terrible for waking him up. I have a fear to leave the house myself in the dark . I wonder what others would have done in such a case??
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 1:45 am
What is done is done and there is no point in berated yourself or him as guildlines were not set up before he left. A 15 yo boy is definitely going to think that is perfectly fine and there is nothing wrong with riding his bike home at this hour. Their brains are not fully developed, and they are not known for their good judgment skills.
Next time, you need to make it absolutely clear to him what time he needs to be home by, and personally, I would wait up until he was home and my front door was locked behind him.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 1:46 am
Irrelevant side question, if you are afraid to leave your house alone in the dark, how do you go to the Mikvah?
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 1:52 am
Next time, either set a curfew time or call him before you go to bed, not after.
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hi dear




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 1:56 am
I think prepare to prevent....also heard from a therapist once the method of questions versus repeating hundred times for a kid wha not to do...for example u ask the kid u think its a good idea to ride home alone so late?and u. wait for a answer then continue so what can happen if u ride home late?what can happen.so. on and on...the point is when a child answers the questions by himself he can get it rather...loads of luck to you
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 1:56 am
OP, did you tell your child to be home before midnight? From your OP it does not seem that way. Next time let him know when he has to be home by. Dont assume he will just come home when you think he should.
Also, jsut because one person is nervous in the dark or the late hour does not mean their child will be.
And it really depends where you live. There are places where it is completely fine for a teenager to ride their bike late at night.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 1:57 am
amother [ Yellow ] wrote:
Irrelevant side question, if you are afraid to leave your house alone in the dark, how do you go to the Mikvah?


Simple. Dh picks me up
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 2:00 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
OP, did you tell your child to be home before midnight? From your OP it does not seem that way. Next time let him know when he has to be home by. Dont assume he will just come home when you think he should.
Also, jsut because one person is nervous in the dark or the late hour does not mean their child will be.
And it really depends where you live. There are places where it is completely fine for a teenager to ride their bike late at night.


He didnt begin to be close to home . Was a good few blocks away. Next time I do gotta tell him a time.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 2:13 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
He didnt begin to be close to home . Was a good few blocks away. Next time I do gotta tell him a time.
The distance is not important. If you are not comfortable with him coming home late, you need to let him know, if its around the block or a ten minute bike ride.
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weasley




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 04 2020, 7:23 am
I dont think I would be able to go to sleep without calling him to see where hes up to and what time hes going to be back - and at the point given him a curfew if you dont want him out past a specific time.
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