How much help is ok to ask of my teenager?

amother

Thu, Jun 04 2020, 9:37 pm

I generally don’t give my children a lot of chores. I usually have cleaning help and she does most of the cleaning and straightening up. However I haven’t had her in close to three months at this point, and I’m pregnant, and housework is really falling by the wayside. My 14 year old son likes to have his friends over to swim and make a bbq which I’ve been allowing as long as they don’t come into the house. I know, perhaps not ideal social distancing but it’s what I’m comfortable with right now. I do let them use the bathroom on the main floor. The thing is of course there is a mess when they leave even though they do a basic clean up outside. And I don’t feel bad asking my son to clean up the mess from the kitchen (things left over from the food prep etc) or outside, but I’m wondering if I can ask him to do more. For example is it too much to ask him to wipe down the bathroom? They leave the floor muddy and at the very least I want the toilet wiped down because of germs. Do I have to assume responsibility for that as the mother or is it ok to ask for his help? Like I said, this hasn’t really come up in the past because of my cleaning lady, and he’s getting older so I think he can take on more responsibilities. What are your thoughts?

amother

Salmon

Thu, Jun 04 2020, 9:40 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Your pregnant, you have no outside help, and your teenage son is the one creating the mess. Why wouldn't it be ok to ask him to clean up completely after himself?

Let him become aware how much work is involved in the fun that he chooses. It's also a great opportunity to train him to do his share of housework. His wife will thank you dearly for it.

amother

Thu, Jun 04 2020, 9:54 pm

Thanks for your helpful answers! He’s a really good helpful kid and I don’t think he’ll complain, I just wanted to make sure it’s appropriate to ask him... generally speaking I would not expect a kid to clean bathrooms or do certain chores. And I agree that it’s healthy for him to see how much work is involved in his fun - I had him clean the pool today before they came because my husband was working and I was not up to it, and it was a mess from the storm yesterday. It was a lot of work and I told him that now he can see how much work goes into keeping it clean and appreciate how hard my husband and I work to make that happen every day!

amother

Silver

Thu, Jun 04 2020, 11:57 pm

Not sure you need to stress how much work dad or you put in to keep things running....he will see that for himself when he does it (like clean the pool).
Buy him wipes for the bathroom. Demonstrate once how to do the job...here are gloves, wipe down toilet with these wipes, floor with these, dump towels in wash and turn it on like this etc.
Show him with love and a smile and say "now you can do it yourself after your friends come".
As you say hes a good kid and only needs yo be asked or shown....

Elfrida

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 12:23 am

It's fine, but if it hasn't been asked of him until now, he may not take it so well. You may need to be gently firm about it, and repeat that having friends round leads to a mess, and as the host he needs to take responsibility for that as well as the fun side of hosting. Effectively a natural consequence, but avoid negative implications.

shanie5

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 3:30 am

Even without a cleaning lady he should be helping out-especially when the mess is caused by him and his friends. By preparing the pool and then cleaning up after him you are doing his future wife a disservice.
All children should learn to help around the house from the time they are little. Little chores for little kids. Bigger chores (or more chores) for bigger kids.

Rappel

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 4:23 am

You can present the facts:

You want him to be able to have his friends over, but you don't want to take on these chores - is just too much for you right now. In order to make a pool party, A,B, and C need to be done before, and X, Y, and Z need to happen afterward.

Would he prefer to do the work, or should you guys just stop the pool parties?

amother

Papaya

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 9:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Just a cute follow up - I directed him how to clean the bathroom and when he was done he goes “Oh that’s it?” Then he goes “whoops, I mean that was sooo hard, must go rest now”
Very Happy

Guess it wasn’t too much!

Sounds like you have an adorable, great kid! May you have lots of nachas!