I don't know how to talk to him about this

amother

Magenta

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 12:02 pm

klei kodesh doesn't pay so well. If you up your standards of living would you still have 6 months of savings? It seems like your husband realizes he is in a low salary profession and therefore living accordingly. How much does your husband want to save for weddings...? Do you think that's a reasonable amount or would you be fine having cheaper weddings... how do you see yourself covering retirement... Your husband sounds reasonable. He's just trying to be responsible.

You said you worked in the past so maybe you have a lot of savings from then. I don't know.

I do think it's in your right to say that the klei life lifestyle isn't working for you. Not everyone can manage on such a low income. I wouldn't be able to. You need to sit down and assess how things are going for the two of you taking both of your wants and needs in to account.

amother

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 1:38 pm

I would never take klei kodesh away from him. We've discussed this many times and it's his dream and I'm so happy for him.
I have no doubt that this is a personality thing and not job specific.
We cover our bills but no extras. Our house is functional but not astetically pleasing.
A lot of things are not done because he wants to fix/do it himself but he doesnt have tons of time and he won't hire someone to do something he can technically do. It would pain him. If I was sick he wouldn't go to the store and pick up dips, he'd ask me for the recipe and try to make them himself.
My issue is that I dont know how to ask for things that technically are not needs but are important to me, without feeling like I'm taking money away from my daughters chasuna.
I am again willing to admit that a lot comes from my social circle where people get help from family, borrow from family, take on loans etc. and have a certain standard of living even in klei kodesh.
And were the odd ones out because my husband would never take a penny from anyone or a loan unless it was an absolute emergency. So we can't afford the same as others. Or maybe we can afford it but we can't because its in savings.
I dont want to be irresponsible but I also dont want to be resentful.

singleagain

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 1:46 pm

You and your husband need to sit down and really discuss this. I think it would benefit you to be able to have a certain amount for aesthetics. Also, the time and effort of doing things yourself isn't always worth less than the cost of buying/hiring it yourself.

Maybe work on that angle. Time+, effort is not always = to money