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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
How to help dds get through this summer



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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2020, 7:20 pm
They had a really tumultuous 3 months. Corona, school ending, parents taking turns getting sick, a lonely Pesach, then again no school but boring phone conferences, Bh a new baby, exciting but also stressful. They were so looking forward to camp, to their freedom, to friends, to the change of scenery. We spoke about other options in the event camp won’t open. But they are Not very open to other ideas, like day camp or a job. They are devastated. how can I Be there for them emotionally? What can I say, how can I comfort them?

I’m sure I’m not the only mother in this position. Any ideas?
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2020, 7:26 pm
Just validate them and be there to listen to their disappointment. Hug them, stroke them, show sympathy in your eyes and say it must be so hard. So much disappointment. You really wanted a summer.
Repeat back what they say in a sympathetic tone. I know you feel their pain. So just take it in and be there with them in their sadness.
We are all going through this together! So much sadness all around. We will all get through this be"h.
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Cheshire cat




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2020, 7:32 pm
Can you get her to sign up for some courses that interest her? Art, ballet, swim, cooking, etc... so she feels that her summer will be productive and interesting.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2020, 7:35 pm
I don’t want to be mean. But compare to life’s problems it is just not so bad. It’s healthy to learn that life is not always perfect. They should open a camp and make money or work in babysitting if they need the money. Otherwise they can be creative with their friends and do stuff together. It’s not always a summer that you are being catered to with an industry with a huge amount of money centered around you.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 12 2020, 8:00 pm
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
I don’t want to be mean. But compare to life’s problems it is just not so bad. It’s healthy to learn that life is not always perfect. They should open a camp and make money or work in babysitting if they need the money. Otherwise they can be creative with their friends and do stuff together. It’s not always a summer that you are being catered to with an industry with a huge amount of money centered around you.


You may not want to be mean, but you are being mean. People are entitled to be disappointed when things don’t work out the way they planned! I remember learning that putting your hand into your pocket and taking out a nickel instead of a dime is considered tzaar. NOBODY has a monopoly on pain!!
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Sat, Jun 13 2020, 9:43 pm
Nobody is saying it isn't a valid disappointment. But learning resilience and how to deal is a crucial skill. And she's not in this alone. Everyone is in the same boat, which already lessens the challenge
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Sat, Jun 13 2020, 9:54 pm
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
I don’t want to be mean. But compare to life’s problems it is just not so bad. It’s healthy to learn that life is not always perfect. They should open a camp and make money or work in babysitting if they need the money. Otherwise they can be creative with their friends and do stuff together. It’s not always a summer that you are being catered to with an industry with a huge amount of money centered around you.


I agree . Life is full of disappointment. Learning to be resilient is a good life skill.
If you cluck over them and cry with them over their major life's disappointment they will learn that skill later on in life too. But if you show them that it's OK to feel disappointment but nevertheless, it's not a reason to wallow and cry and we will find other fun things to do etc. ..then that is the skill they wI'll learn for life as well.
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Sat, Jun 13 2020, 9:57 pm
amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:
Nobody is saying it isn't a valid disappointment. But learning resilience and how to deal is a crucial skill. And she's not in this alone. Everyone is in the same boat, which already lessens the challenge


I agree with this. One of the best gifts you can give your children is teaching them how to be resilient when life doesn't go your way... That's not to say you shouldn't validate though... It's like validate feelings, validate that it's normal that they are annoyed and frustrated, and all.the emotions, and then what can we do about it? How can we make the best of it... And communicating you will support them .
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jun 13 2020, 11:05 pm
You don't tell an upset kid that comparing to real problems, his are nothing. No matter how trivial his problem is.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jun 14 2020, 12:16 am
Op here

I validated their feelings and we discussed possible options. One dd is accepting, whatever her friends do she’ll go along with it, any improvised teen day program, whatever.

Other dd is taking is much harder. She the oldest and has a lot of responsibility at home.mshe helps me tons and camp is her me time (she goes for full summer the past 2 years). She really struggled the last 2 months with boring school phone lectures and missed her social life terribly. She couldn’t partake in her typical extracurricular courses that were cancelled and the gym. She has no interest in being a counselor or babysitting. I’m hoping someone does a day program for her age...
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Sun, Jun 14 2020, 1:10 am
This might not be an option for you but one of my brothers is flying to florida with his teenage daughters for 3 days just to give them a good time, bc they wont be going to camp, obviously, and are so disappointed.
Maybe a road trip or something this summer when you can would make them happy.
Hatzlocha...
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Sun, Jun 14 2020, 1:35 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Op here

I validated their feelings and we discussed possible options. One dd is accepting, whatever her friends do she’ll go along with it, any improvised teen day program, whatever.

Other dd is taking is much harder. She the oldest and has a lot of responsibility at home.mshe helps me tons and camp is her me time (she goes for full summer the past 2 years). She really struggled the last 2 months with boring school phone lectures and missed her social life terribly. She couldn’t partake in her typical extracurricular courses that were cancelled and the gym. She has no interest in being a counselor or babysitting. I’m hoping someone does a day program for her age...

Tell her during the summer you will use the money you use to send her to camp to get extra help and she can take a break from helping at home and just do something that she really like.
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