S/O keeping up with the trends

allthingsblue

Tue, Jun 16 2020, 7:35 am

Here's my two cents. Post yours!
1. It's really sweet when mothers ask questions on here for their daughters, to me it shows they love their daughters and want them to have the tools to succeed (not that brand names or trends are tools for success, but at some stages in life, fitting in is important- in EVERY society.)
2. I agree with Giselle in the other thread that sometimes it's taken to an extreme. I can't identify with that at all- I hate looking like a clone, and many trends don't look good on everyone, we need to pick and choose; a balance of trendy, classic, and unique sounds nice!
3. This kind of peer pressure happens in every society, except maybe ultra smart, techy types, and then there is other peer pressure.
Kids are kids. They need to learn to accept themselves and their friends, but that's something learned with age. In the other thread Ora seemed to imply that only chareidi kids have this pressure but from what I see, that's not true at all- there is pressure for the right body (especially when the girls wear bikinis), the right sneakers (Yeezys, anyone?), the right video games... if it's not specifically clothing, it's something else.
Yes, it's up to the parents to teach their kids a healthy balance (mostly by modeling it themselves). But let's not pretend that kids can be adults.

teachkids

Tue, Jun 16 2020, 7:47 am

I think there’s a balance between buying your kid everything that’s in style and refusing it all on principle. Your kid should look enough like the rest to have a chance to fit in (stupid but true example- if everyone in school wears the old navy polos but you’re still buying your teenager the children’s place one with the little ruffle).
Use it as an opportunity to discuss peer pressure with your kid. Use it as a chance to discuss priorities “I can get you either these name brand sneakers or 3 fun pillows, which do you want more?”
Make it less about the brands than the type of object.
If there’s something super in that you have a serious hashkafic issue with it may be a sign that the kids you’re sending your daughter to camp/school with are not the type you really want.

Ora in town

Tue, Jun 16 2020, 9:22 am

allthingsblue wrote:

This is a huge misunderstanding.

I do not believe that this kind of pressure applies only to chareidi children, and I did not want to imply that...

What I said was against any society where appearance is more important than essence...
and I was baffled to find such a massive crowd who advocates this standpoint (appearence over essence) on this forum.... because, until now, I thought that being religious implied that you value essence over appearance...

I was baffled that parents would buy so much into the "with it" world of teenagers. I thought that the parents' task is to be the adults in the room, not the promotor of a shallow worldview which insults as "nerds" and "weirdos" all those kids who don't have or don't want or can't afford the "with it" products...

If my children really, really want something, for whatever reason, and it's possible to give it to them, I would wait for a special occasion and give it to them or tell them to use their own money to buy it.

But I don't think it's a parent's task to do "trend scouting" for teenagers, specially older teenagers...