How to help 2 yo who tantrums when he doesn’t get his way

amother

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 8:54 pm

My two year old is generally a good kid but lately has been tantruming so often. He hates getting dressed or diaper changed so each time I try to make it fun, give choices etc and it doesn’t help. If he wants to do something fun and I don’t let (like play with the water in the bathroom after he just spilled it all over) he’ll scream and yell bloody murder. I can’t always distract him because for example tonight I needed him to get into pajamas which he also hates. I’m so lost. I read the book “how to talk so your toddler listens” and try to offer choices and follow the advice but it’s not always feasible or it doesn’t always work.

I’m tired of fighting with him to get dressed, get undressed, change diaper, bathe, etc. I’m tired of everything being a fight if he doesn’t get away. It’s hard always coming up with distractions when sometimes things just need to be done.

hodeez

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 8:56 pm

I dont entertain the tantrums. I just keep a calm face and level voice and say we have to use our words. Then when he calms down we can talk through it

amother

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 8:57 pm

hodeez wrote:

I dont entertain the tantrums. I just keep a calm face and level voice and say we have to use our words. Then when he calms down we can talk through it

He’s speech delayed so he can’t use words. He just turned two.

RuralIma

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:05 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He’s speech delayed so he can’t use words. He just turned two.

He's probably frustrated. Does he sign?

amother

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:10 pm

RuralIma wrote:

He's probably frustrated. Does he sign?

He communicates in his own way. It’s not that. He wants to do what he wants do.

amother

Oak

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:11 pm

This is very typical for a 2 year old, especially one who can’t express himself verbally. My son is almost 2 and does have some words, but not enough to always express himself. I think that using a calm voice and providing whatever distractions you can is the best for this age.

I also agree that teaching him a few signs with his hands would be very helpful. I’ve had babies use signs much earlier than they could use words. It’s frustrating not to be understood.

amother

Oak

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He communicates in his own way. It’s not that. He wants to do what he wants do.

Welcome to the terrible twos!

Motherhood

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:24 pm

I have 2 kids. By my first I decided it’s not worth my effort and gave him whatever he wanted to avoid a tantrum. By my second, I decided to let him tantrum and keep my cool. At that point I was dealing with a 4 yr old’s tantrums PLUS a 2 year old’s tantrums because I always avoided a “confrontation” with my first. Please don’t give in to him now, or you’ll have to deal with it later.

gibberish

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:28 pm

Distraction works best at this age. Give him his favorite toy during his diaper change. Redirect him when he gets upset. Try to direct his attention to something else. And yes, the difficult in his ability to communicate can be very frustrating.

amother

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:30 pm

Motherhood wrote:

I don’t give in but I don’t love being kicked in my stomach every time I try changing him. I wish we can do it calmly without it being a fight.

RuralIma

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:32 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don’t give him but I don’t love being kicked in my stomach every time I try changing him. I wish we can do it calmly without it being a fight.

Can you change him while he's standing?

amother

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:33 pm

How can I distract him? When he’s fuming and kicking he’s not interested in me singing his favorite song and will just throw down any toy I give him, even if he normally likes it.

If he needs to stop doing something fun for him but not for me, how best to do it?

amother

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:49 pm

RuralIma wrote:

Have you tried ignoring the tantrum? If distracting/redirecting doesn't work some kids respond to their audience leaving.

How would he get dressed or diapered if I left?

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:49 pm

Such painful advice here.
Don't ignore him, don't distract him.
Please please please go to JanetLansbury.com and start reading some of her articles.

Btw. Prepare a choice of outfits and let him pick and get himself dressed.
Give him more independence.

Ora in town

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:51 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He’s speech delayed so he can’t use words. He just turned two.

that might be the reason for his tantrums. That he wants to communicate, but can't.
Perhaps he might benefit from sign language as a transitory solution...

https://downsyndrometoolkit.we......html

RuralIma

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How would he get dressed or diapered if I left?

Sorry, I must have misread your original post. Maybe it's a sensory issue if he hates getting dressed/changed? Or could he try to dress himself?