Experiencing a teenager with a mood disord during a pandemic

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 6:26 pm

My DS, age 13, has been different since he was young. In 2nd grade he began to act moody and in 3rd grade he was diagnosed with disruptive mood dysregulation syndrome. Basically, he is always moody and snappy. We have tried numerous types of counselors and medication and nothing really seems to help.

He is now constantly on his computer, playing multi role games usually or watching instructive videos about how to play them, most of his free time.

We have tried limiting his online time to very limited amounts per week (ie like 90 minutes). We experimented with a reward system to earn time and we have tried a more expansive allowance of computer time. We are at his current usage allowance now which basically does not limit usage as long as he does chores and his school work but he is limited on what type of games and he can't watch inappropriate content. I have basically lost this battle because it's hard to enforce any limit when his father (my DH) also can't be without his devices and literally has to play Candy Crush while be in front of his computer at all waking hours when he is not actively doing a chore or something. Or it's Shabbos.

DS is a good student and is responsible enough to get his school work done without much prodding or reminding but he is not without complaining and sometimes is disrespectful to teachers or classmates. He just can't control himself sometimes.

He doesn't lack anything material wise. He just doesn't seem to be able to function like the rest of us and be happy or content.

I signed him up for a 3 week, 4 day-a-week camp now that things are opening up and he is on Day 2. He hates it. Hasn't gone well at all.

I just feel so defeated.

Today, after camp, I decided afterwards we would go most days for a treat and get a scoop of ice-cream. I figured it wouldn't hurt. They are running around all day and active so I figure why not . His sister goes to the same camp and so I thought this would be a nice summertime treat. They would have memories one day of going to camp and then getting icecream the year of the 2020 pandemic. Who knows.

Well, he flipped out and had a melt-down because I wouldn't get him a $5 shake. He let loose and spewed his vitriol on me. He is very angry with me for having him go to camp. Made me feel about 2 inches tall because of the disdain he has. worsened by hormones and teenage-hood.

I'm in tears.

I am upset because I feel all I do is try to make life better for my kids. And not only is it not appreciated but despite my efforts, I am always at a loss.

lilies

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 6:36 pm

Has he experienced anything traumatic?

amother

Ecru

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 6:43 pm

lilies wrote:

Has he experienced anything traumatic?

This
This could have been me as a kid
For good reason

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 6:54 pm

lilies wrote:

Has he experienced anything traumatic?

No he has not. Just genetics and parenting failures.

lilies

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:01 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No he has not. Just genetics and parenting failures.

Repeated patterns in parenting failures can sometimes be traumatic. It doesn't have to be something major.

behappy2

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:06 pm

Sometimes it's just really hard to be a parent Heart

If you want to pick my brain feel free to pm me. I have a child who had a major turnaround. Maybe some things can work for you too.

amother

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 7:27 pm

lilies wrote:

Repeated patterns in parenting failures can sometimes be traumatic. It doesn't have to be something major.

What do you mean? Like typical home life, as in, we are not perfect parents and siblings aren't perfect siblings means it's traumatic and causes a constant brooding, kvetchy, irritable child?

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:36 pm

So so tough. This sounds just like my pandas child. His onset was also around second grade. He is often Moody, irritable, rages and meltdowns. Even and especially when we plan nice outings. Usually it’s related to ocd. His brain gets fixated on something and then when he can’t have it he gets so bent out of shape and completely loses control. It’s hard and embarrassing to watch, but obvious that he literally can’t help himself. It looks behavioral, but it’s really neurological. Sadly I have had to learn to have very low expectations of having pleasant times, expecting thanks and gratitude, and expecting nice behavior because of nice things we do for him. I decide to either go ahead with the nice things knowing from the get go that I might have to deal with meltdowns and rages, or if I feel I can’t handle it, or I will be too bitter or resentful, I just skip it. Not as a punishment, just as a boundary. We are working on treating brain inflammation, because that is the root cause of this behavior.