DH Refuses to Wear Mask

PinkFridge

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 9:02 am

singleagain wrote:

The posts talking about the PROs and CONs of wearing a mask have been split into another thread. https://www.imamother.com/foru.....95494

Let's keep this on topic, about the disagreement of a DW & DH about how to navigate the future.

-Singleagain as MOD

I appreciate the split. It'll be interesting to see who this develops absent COVID discussion.
I am curious about his effectiveness in kiruv considering his strong opinions. Not that we shouldn't have strong opinions, but delivery is important.

Simple1

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 9:05 am

singleagain wrote:

I won't add my opinion pro or con (not that I really feel strongly one way or another). But these kind of posts can actually be helpful because they may help OP see that her husband is not the only one. He may simply view things differently and is not doing it out of malice.

singleagain

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 9:07 am

Simple1 wrote:

And OP can learn the differences on other threads. The fact remains that she opened the thread for a reason. And that reason was not for a debate.

Last edited by singleagain on Fri, Jun 26 2020, 9:35 am; edited 2 times in total

silverlining3

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 9:10 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

DH completely refuses to wear a mask. He will only go to places where if he takes a mask off it won't be a big deal (like one grocery store where no one seems to be wearing them, even though they are supposed to.) He says, "Trump doesn't wear one. I'm not wearing one either." Dumb, in my opinion. DH claims masks do nothing. He won't even go to shul because masks are required. The gym is opening soon, again masks required. Won't go, even though he has been constantly complaining it was closed for so long.
He doesn't care at all about social distancing
I'm super nervous about this.
And it's only going to get worse.
Right now his job is off for the summer (and has been since March.) He is currently planning ways not to wear a mask as required by location where he is based.
Also, his job (kiruv) requires hosting people in our home....which because of this virus I am so opposed to. He doesn't care about social distancing or masks, and has no plans of making any of these things required for guests. So, I am basically looking at people I barely know in and out of my home, dh who thinks all the restrictions are ridiculous, and I am feeling so nervous and doomed.😥
On top of that...he gets the kids on board with his no mask wearing, no social distancing opinion. He let one older kid go to a birthday party. All the other kids wore masks, except mine, because dh said it wasn't necessary.
Ok, really just needed to vent. I'm so worried and he just won't listen.

I somewhat feel you... During this whole fiasco, although we were more lax, my husband was even more. I begged him so many times not to go out so much etc....he didn't listen. I felt it's not worth the fight so I gave up.
But nope, he didn't drill anything into the kids

amother

Mon, Jun 29 2020, 3:21 pm

OP here:
Thank you for all the advice.
To illustrate what I am dealing with, he went somewhere over the weekend where masks were optional (a whole other story, but I can't even deal with that right now.) He said he had no plans to wear one because (in his EXACT words) "I'm selfish. Wearing a mask does nothing to protect me. It just protects others who I don't really care about. I don't need to make myself uncomfortable for other people."
My jaw dropped at his selfishness, his lack of caring. My eyes filled with tears. How can I be married to such a selfish person?

We are in a place where masks ARE required.

Oh, and someone asked about the kiruv network. There's been nothing said from any rabbis or directors in charge of making policies. Crickets. I wish they would make policies regarding social distancing and mask wearing, something official put out, even if it's just "please follow your local regulations." Just something official. But there hasn't been anything.

singleagain

Mon, Jun 29 2020, 3:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hugs op. This sounds really hard. Is this the only instance of selfishness?

Re the policies.. it could be they are waiting to hear what the situation will be closer to September. Maybe they don't want to change their minds a million times. My mom put out policies for her organization then had to right away change them ... Maybe they are waiting. Can you ask?