is this normal? | Imamother

amother

Fri, Dec 28 2007, 4:13 am

my kids: 8 yr old (girl), 6 yr old(girl), and 4 yr old (boy) are constantly "at each other." biting, hitting, scratching. my 6 yr old scratched my 4 yr old on the face last week! (she got a long time out for that). Sad

I am giving consequences, and teaching them the behavior is unacceptable.

but what I really want to know is, do other siblings do this?

grin

Wed, Jan 02 2008, 4:55 pm

sorry but yes, totally normal. Just try not to get so excited and fretty about it that it draws them into even more fighting becuase of the exciting reactions on your part. Try to get involved (inc. punishments) as little as possible. Kids do learn to handle it themsleves (up to a point - scratching the face is a definite no-no!) when allowed to. They also can make up and play together in the blink of an eye - fighint seems to be part of the fun of growing up together.

happymom

Wed, Jan 02 2008, 5:06 pm

its normal. but I dont think consequesnces will do anything. first of all its best for an adult to be around to stop the fights before they happen and help them find solutions to work things out, because kids dont know these things without being taught. for example, if u see they both want one toy, buy them a special timer, set the timer, and theyll learn when it rings its the next persons turn. or if one kid hits alot, SHOW her how to use our hands. make a mitzvah hand chart with her and tell her whenever u see her using her hands the RIGHT way, she will get a sticker or whatever it is....

whenever u see someone doing the right thing make a BIG dlea. thats what the attention should be given to, not the opposite. instead of mentioning when they arent doing the rright thing, be specigfic and verbal about what u want to see, and when u see it, what u are proud of....

happymom

Wed, Jan 02 2008, 5:09 pm

Quote:

but what I really want to know is, do other siblings do this?

yes but they can be taught by the adults around them how to deal with negative feelings in a more positive way so they dont need to be physical. this takes time and patience, but then again, what are we for if not to teach ourt kdis these life lessons?

see what is making them be physical, and teach them how to deal with it. for example, if one child wants somethinmg the other has, they can learn to say, can I use it when ure done? or, im gonna ask mommy to set the timer so I can have a turn too.

madys

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 2:13 pm

Sorry, but I have to dissent (unless my kids are not the norm)

My kids are very similar in age to yours (girl 9, girl 6.5, boy almost 4)

They do not hit each other - they are very hands off, unless it's a hug and kiss before bed (which they give each other every night, even if they are angry at each other)

I find that this behavior also follows through in school, if a kid thinks it's OK to hit/bite a sibling, than why not a kid in class?

Don't think my kids don't fight, they do, they just use their words, and come to me, and they eventually work it out. They also go off on their own to "cool off" until things settle down.

My 4 yr old will come to me and tell me his sister did xyz "and that's not very nice" then we work it out.

They knew from day one that hitting is not acceptable, and they don't do it.

I also have never hit them (except for one time my oldest was about 2 and went outside by herself - she got a patch on her tush for that and never did it again)