While in public with challashing kids

amother

Sun, Jul 05 2020, 1:04 pm

How do you manage it shouldnt bother you or making your get away pleasant when your kids (teens) are so misbehaving?? Like unacceptable behavior and being terrible chutzpa in front of my whole extended family??? I'm @ lost . I learnt not to go anywhere with them ever again when going with other people. I had a tremendous hard time. Real nesoien for me . Support welcome.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Jul 05 2020, 1:10 pm

Deleted

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Jul 05 2020, 1:30 pm

My challenging kids are a bit younger, so my experience may be different.

In general, I don't do anything different around family than at home. If one of the kids does something inappropriate, I give the same warning I would at home. It's good to get some privacy for that part, though, so that the kid won't be embarrassed in front of the family. (And won't act up even worse because they're embarrassed but would rather die than show it.)

I think handling family outings is a mix of a few things.

Expectations - if I go in expecting a relaxing day with family, I'll be disappointed. As long as my kids are there, I'm in Parent Mode, and any relaxation is a nice surprise.

Being realistic - you have to know what your kids can handle. Eg my kid with ADHD wouldn't be able to handle a long Shabbas meal where they're expected to sit at the table and listen quietly to divrei Torah for more than, say, two minutes. Find family activities that work for all ages and abilities, and yes, I know that's harder than I'm making it sound.

Good strategies - you have to have ways of dealing with bad behavior that work for you in general. Obviously nothing is perfect and there's no one strategy that's going to stop a challenging kid from acting out. But it helps to know in advance how you might react if/when that happens. Will you threaten to take away a privilege? Take the kid outside to walk off their anger? Look them straight in the eyes and calmly say "Knock it off"?

Know the good in your kids - when you see how your ADHD kid is so creative and full of energy, and your autistic kid is smart and curious, and your chutzpadik teen is clever and driven and thinks out of the box, then other people's dumb comments matter less. What do they know? Chaval for them, that they can't recognize an amazing kid when they see one because the only thing they know to look for is good behavior.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Jul 05 2020, 1:31 pm

I'm sorry your experience was so unpleasant. Please remember that it was your teen's choice to act inappropriately, and your sibling's choice to be rude and judgmental about it. None of this reflects on you.

little neshamala

Sun, Jul 05 2020, 1:40 pm

Im sorry op, thats hard.
Helps me a lot whenever im proactive and have a talk with the kids before we're going to whatever outing it is. Letting them know exactly what behavior I expect from them, asling if they have any concerns, if they think something will be hard for them, and if so troubleshooting for ideas with them.
Then reminding them again if they have any issues to come directly to myself or DH quietly and respectfully and we'll help them...even teens need directives and prep

amother

Sun, Jul 05 2020, 1:46 pm

[ Pewter ]"]Change the title to challenging...[/quote]

amother

Sun, Jul 05 2020, 1:50 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

Change the title to challenging...

Sorry was mistake . But I did deleted my first . Looks like you took it off quote. I would appreciate u delete it . Thanks!

amother

Pewter

Sun, Jul 05 2020, 4:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Sorry was mistake . But I did deleted my first . Looks like you took it off quote. I would appreciate u delete it . Thanks!

What I was saying is that I think there’s a mistake in the title of the thread. I will delete the post I quoted from you.

amother

Sun, Jul 05 2020, 7:15 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

What I was saying is that I think there’s a mistake in the title of the thread. I will delete the post I quoted from you.

Appreciate. Thanks!