Is being controlling/manipulative genetic (repost)

amother

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 8:20 pm

Started a thread today and decided to repost giving more info and see if the responses from the get go will be more compassionate. (I clearly seem to post in a way that wakes up the tiger in ppl)

My child is very compassionate, sensitive, responsible. Lately he seems to be deliberately controlling. For example he will yell at a small child that is playing in our house to scare them out of going to his room. It gives me a very manipulative/calculating vibe. His father, my ex has been and is very manipulative and controlling with me and others. I'm concerned that it's a hereditary trait and worry for him and his future. My relationship with my son is very solid. He trusts me, talks to me and we work things through. He has ADHD and challenges with schooling. Though for the most part my ex doesn't appear to be controlling toward my son he doesn't validate or take his needs into consideration or empathize with him when he is upset. My husband does yell and gets annoyed easily. My husband gets defensive when I confront him about it so I have stopped mostly. Instead I will comfort my child. Does anyone have any experience, advice or insights? Please be compassionate and try not to jump to conclusions.

Thanks in advance.

amother

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 9:49 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Apologizing for before. Didn't intend to be hurtful.

Thank you.

What changed that you are apologizing? Was it the way I posted or something else? I would like help to learn how to post in a way that garners compassionate, helpful responses. Thank you so much!

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 9:53 pm

How old is he? Could also be related to developmental age and many kids have been regressing or otherwise showing behavior due to stress of covid and the like. Its hard and scary for kids too. their normal has been taken away. And they are affected by our stress also as much as we strive to maintain a cheery and even keel.

He sounds like a great and normal kid.

I would work hard to separate my understandable feelings about ex from my feelings and fears about child's behavior. I would try to stay as much in the present as possible. Rather than past or fears about future and not attach a whole story to the behavior. It gets easier to do with practice and bears best results.

hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 9:55 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

Thank you. Need to work on that Smile