Annoyed | Imamother

amother

Tue, Jul 07 2020, 6:12 pm

My son’s friends come swimming here all the time. It’s always the same group of boys. I told him today that maybe one of the other parents can watch them swim sometimes. I’m happy to have them here and have them use our pool, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to always be the one who has to watch them. The friends basically said not going to happen, we just won’t come. So basically unless I want my son to be bored at night, I always have to be the one watching them. Am I wrong to expect other parents to pitch in with this?

Cookin4days

Tue, Jul 07 2020, 6:19 pm

I get what you’re saying but you can’t expect the other parents to know what you’re feeling. Voice these thoughts to them not their children and see what they say. If they don’t volunteer then only allow the boys to come swim on nights you feel like watching them.

amother

Natural

Tue, Jul 07 2020, 7:00 pm

Most parents are happy to pawn the responsibility onto someone else. They may think :
It is your home, your problem
You are there anyway
They are teens and it is a bunch and the pool isn't big so they watch themselves.

ruchelbuckle

Tue, Jul 07 2020, 7:07 pm

amother [ Natural ] wrote:

As a mom of teen boys, this! It wouldn’t occur to me that it’s an issue unless you point it out. If you called me up and said, “hi! I’m going to be attending a class/lecture/coffee date every Tuesday and Thursday evening throughout the summer and I can’t have the boys swimming unsupervised, would you be interested in chipping in for a lifeguard with me?” I would gladly chip in and/or see what my husbands availability is like. I would not think that it’s your responsibility to hire a lifeguard because all the teenagers in the neighborhood are using your pool.

However, just like everyone else— I have a lot going on in my life and it totally might not occur to me that this is an issue for you. So I need it pointed out.

In addition, I need you to call me up and speak to me about it- don’t pass the message through my teenage son, because most of the time he doesn’t want to talk to me, unless it’s about taking him shopping or buying him books from Amazon. Smile

so if you pass on a message through him, I might not get it.

ruchelbuckle

Tue, Jul 07 2020, 9:31 pm

No problem, glad my perspective helped!

Oh, and t I'm sure the mothers are thinking, "thank you for having the boys at your pool! That's very nice of you. And for every minute that my son is at your pool, that's less time he is at my house complaining that 1) we're poor because we don't have a pool 2) we're poor because we don't have good snacks 3)His friends all have better families than us."

So even though the parents don't express it, I'm sure they appreciate the hospitality.

amother

Tue, Jul 07 2020, 9:44 pm

ruchelbuckle wrote:

Your post made me laugh Very Happy

Don’t think they’re any poorer than us!

But I get your point Smile

amother

Tue, Jul 07 2020, 9:45 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

can your son join them in doing whatever non-pool activity it is they're doing?

Honestly it sounds like they just stay home and play video games or watch movies. But I’d rather watch the kids every night than have him do that all night...

twizzlers1

Wed, Jul 08 2020, 2:44 am

Hi maybe I missed it but how old is your son? Because my kids go in without supervision.my pool is only 1.2 m so maybe that makes a difference, it could be yours is bigger. I make sure that there is always an adult home but I let the parents know that I am not constantly watching them in the water. I Don't let even my bigger kids go by themselves so at least there is a buddy system.

amother

Wed, Jul 08 2020, 7:44 am

twizzlers1 wrote:

At what age would you say that is ok to do?

amother

Smokey

Wed, Jul 08 2020, 7:58 am

I also used to let my boys and his friends swim unsupervised, with me nearby. We don't have a pool anymore. If my current set of teen boys were fortunate enough to be welcome to swim at a friend's pool, I would be so appreciative. But, I would feel very uncomfortable/awkward to play lifeguard at someone else's house.

twizzlers1

Wed, Jul 08 2020, 7:59 am

My son is in 5th grade and we just got the pool so I don't know if I would let before that age or not. His friends are between 10 and 12 and I'm comfortable with that.I make sure to tell the parents that I'm not keeping a constant eye on them but that I am home. The pool is 6 m by 3 m

singleagain

Wed, Jul 08 2020, 8:04 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It never dawned on me that this is an option. I thought kids have to be supervised at all times in the pool.

Even adults should be supervised in a pool. It takes less time than you think for an accident to happen. And many drownings are silent, not splashy.

watergirl

Wed, Jul 08 2020, 8:10 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It never dawned on me that this is an option. I thought kids have to be supervised at all times in the pool.

How old is your son, how many boys are there at once?

Regardless, kids must be supervised in the pool.