For women that go to the country

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tweety1

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 3:48 pm

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

I also never understood it and said that I'll never do it. Till I lived in one bedroom with afew kids and they had no where to play and were going crazy. At that point I felt like I needed it for myself as well.
We decided that we need to put our feelings aside and do it for the kids. DH left Monday morning and was back Thursday evening. So it was all of 3 nights without DH. I'm so thankful that we moved out of Brooklyn and my kids have space and opportuniy to run around, play, and ride their bikes safely.

Bh I now have a big house. But how do you think I lived last summer and the summer before and the summer before and all the yrs till this summer? I managed. It was extremely hard but bh I'm alive to tell the tale.

amother

Black

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 3:52 pm

I trust DH 100%
I am not co dependent
I’m very independent.

I cannot imagine spending the entire summer weeks apart
I can’t inagine him not spending time with kids(he really only spends 1-2 hrs per day with them but that time is still so important).

But I also have a yard so I never felt the need to make those sacrifices.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 4:03 pm

tweety1 wrote:

Bh you managed. But not everyone does. I would've probably also managed but why should we have such a hard summer when there are other options? At a certain point I felt the kids needed it for my well being as well.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 4:05 pm

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

This is the reason that you won't go away without him? If a man cheats, he cheats while his wife is home. A cheater is a cheater. Do you have reason to suspect your husband would do this or you have trust issues in general? Men aren't pigs and a normal guy wouldn't run off cheating when their wives are away and it's sad to think that women don't go away for this reason and think they they have "control" over their husbands if they stay home.

No that’s not the reason I won’t do it. I work. And I believe families should stay together.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 4:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How do you cope being without your husbands all week? I had the option to go this year but feeling too dependent on dh .
I need my dh every day with me . I just cant be without him an entire week. How do you women do it?? And let this alone , would you trust your dh all week by himself without having his wife if he gets turned on?it can be quite dangerous and risky , wonder how do even husbands handel without having s....x all week . Dont they look out for different ones???? Always have this question but wouldnt ask this in in real life.

Im sorry but is this a serious question?
Men can go without 2ex for more than a week. They are not savage 2ex animals.

And if a man gets turned on? Well, he will jsut have to take a cold shower. Im sorry but in a trusting marriage relationship, one should not be this non trusting of their husband if they are not with them all of the time.

Your relationship with your husband sounds very codependent.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 11:14 am

If your relationship is above average close and loving, then why are you so afraid he’ll cheat while you’re away?

amother

Yellow

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 11:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you! So I'm not so crazy! I guess it depends on the connections people have with thier husbands . If someone has a close, mutual, romantic, marriage I think will understand why it would be hard to depart.

Right.
Only people with good marriages stay.
And the people that go upstate obviously don’t have good marriages.

amother

Beige

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 11:43 am

Many men, especially in today’s digital era where ppl can work remotely, leave Monday morning and are back Thursday night. That’s only 3 nights. I’m doing it for the first time this year and honestly I love dh but hardly miss him. U end up being so busy with the kids all day that a night t u just fall into bed. Ofc it woulda been easier to have his help and support but it’s all worth it to watch the kids have blast! As far as trusting. If I can trust my dh for 6 weeks pp I trust him for 3 nights a busy work week!

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 12:01 pm

Obviously the people that don’t understand it Don’t live in a cramped apartments with no backyards and only a hot strip of cement for kids to play on. For us this is a not a luxury vacation this is a NECESSITY and my husband would love to be up here with us but we’re happy to make the sacrifice so my kids have fresh air and grass.

amother

Gold

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 12:14 pm

I know someone where it is the opposite; the wife has a job that she needs to stay in the city for, and the husband goes upstate with the kids. (He also has a job in the bungalow daycamp.)

amother

Tangerine

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 12:16 pm

I’ve seen a lot of men doing things they wouldn’t normally do because their wives and children are up in the country.

amother

Chartreuse

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 12:59 pm

Honestly, I wish I missed dh. I’m happy when he’s gone. I love him, but we really have terrible Shalom bayis. I wish I was in a relationship that I missed him so deeply I could barely breathe without him. That being said, I have absolutely no fears of him cheating on me because he doesn’t have s-x for 4-5 days. He’s a human, not an animal. Also, if he’s really in the mood, sometimes he’ll come up for a night. It’s not that far...

amother

Goldenrod

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 1:38 pm

Many do it for the kids. Some don't mind the more relaxing lifestyle for themselves.
I'm married a bit over 5 years and did it for 2 weeks now, because of Covid. (I usually work and am planning to continue doing so as long as possible, so I felt now was a good opportunity to try.) He left Monday morning and was back Thursday evening. I don't think we're that codependent that it was an issue on either end. Two weeks was enough though, I don't like the idea of doing it for more but I can see how someone at a different stage in life can feel differently.

The part I mainly disliked was the parenting alone, vs the 2 active parent household in the city. (Meaning having bath n bedtime just on me.)

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 3:43 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Umm, no. You think it's a necessity because e/o you know goes. For many people who can't afford it, this is in fact a luxury vacation. My parents couldn't even afford to dream about such a thing. A few times they scraped together the money to send one or another of us to camp--never all of us at once, and never for the whole summer. Yet we survived.

My sibs and I grew up in what is politely called the "inner city'', in the middle of a concrete jungle so dense that I described a relative who lived in a less-densely populated neighborhood in a shoebox with a backyard the size of a playing card, as living in "the country." I had no idea that she lived in what most of the US thinks of as a city. To me, a backyard with grass is the country. I spent my summers collecting soda bottles in the street and turning them in for the deposit, long before the "bag people" discovered this trick. When I wasn't doing that, I was either reading on the stoop or at the playground, burning my legs on the sun-heated stainless steel slides or shredding my knees falling off the monkey bars. There were no bark chips or rubber mulch cushions under playground equipment in those days.

Eventually I met another girl who also spent summers in the city and we hung out together. We even spent time in "the country"-- a narrow strip of grass and a few trees at the edge of the 'hood, that was pleased to call itself a park. It was more like a grassy traffic island where people would go to work on their cars. But then we were poor urban children and used to having to make the best of whatever we had. We survived, and we had fun, and it didn't ruin our lives or stunt our growth or make us mentally ill.

Mama Bear

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 6:53 pm

[Reminder-Don’t call troll in a thread. It’s hurtful to the op who happens to be legit]

Mama Bear

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 6:54 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

it's not even a week. it's 3 or 4 nights.
I'm telling you the OP sounds like a male who is trolling. I don't think too many women would worry about their men being 'turned on' - it's not language a woman would use. Just my 2 cents.
[Reminder-Don’t call troll in a thread. It’s hurtful to the op who happens to be legit]

amother

Pumpkin

Sat, Jul 11 2020, 5:48 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

I’ve seen a lot of men doing things they wouldn’t normally do because their wives and children are up in the country.

Can you elaborate? How do you see them doing these things?

amother

Pumpkin

Sat, Jul 11 2020, 5:48 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

I know someone where it is the opposite; the wife has a job that she needs to stay in the city for, and the husband goes upstate with the kids. (He also has a job in the bungalow daycamp.)

Horror! There are probably many women around there, and his wife is in the city!

amother

Pumpkin

Sat, Jul 11 2020, 5:50 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

How do you define cramped? We have 969 square foot apartment, no backyard, there are parks near us but they are closed, there is no grass for kids to play on right beside our building.

Going to a bungalow colony is still a luxury, not a necessity, and I would not go without DH.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Jul 11 2020, 7:32 pm

I'm glad none of you have husbands who need to travel for work. How would you survive?

I think there needs to be a lot more balance in order to have a good relationship. It's important to have your own identity.

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