Can I Lose My Right to Kvetch?

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:25 pm

If my life is "perfect," do I have a right to kvetch?

Pregnancy is a kvetchy time for me. Ba"h, I have a beautiful, happy, healthy family and my life is mostly looking up. I am super grateful for this as I have not always had things easy (to put it mildly) and I thank Hashem all the time.

BUT... everything hurts and I can't focus and I can't keep up with basic daily activities...

I feel horrible seeing these as challenges, though, because other people would do anything to have my life (including my past self). What do you think? Is it horrible to kvetch when you have nothing to kvetch about?

ShishKabob

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:28 pm

Yes, I don't think it's a good middah to kvetch. Occasionally, you can kvetch. But not a constant long litany of kvetching. It doesn't do you any good and it's not showing hakaras hatov to Hashem for all the goodness he bestows upon you.
Sorry, don't want to sound preachy, but I think this is really the right perspective.
Hugs, and feel better!
oops, I missed the pregnancy part. My speech was more about everyday kvetching. I know some people like that and they're usually the ones who have it way better than the non kvetching ones. So my speech was not intended for you! Bshaa Tova! Smile

Last edited by ShishKabob on Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:34 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Aqua

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:32 pm

Of course you can kvetch!
The way I see it there are two types of “complaining”. There are people who really are grateful for what they have but when things are hard - like pregnancy- they kvetch. This doesn’t cancel out their gratitude to hashem for everything they have, including the pregnancy.
And there are people who are never happy, no matter what they have, and are finding reasons to complain about everything and always see the worst in every situation.
IMO as long as you’re the first type - kvetch as much as you want. Kvetching is healthy !

rae

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:33 pm

Maybe start each kvetch with “thank you HaShem!!”

Everyone has a right to kvetch/vent. You just have to evaluate whether it’s productive or damaging. If you feel better after you let it out, go for it. Just be sensitive with who you’re kvetching to.
If it just puts you more on a funk, then it’s time to stop.
Bshaa Tovah!! Feel good. It’s so hard to be pregnant in this heat.

mig100

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:36 pm

yes. you can kvetch. just keep this in perspective.

and PLEASE dont go on the infertility forum and tell women suffering something as horrible as infertility- they they are not the only ones suffering. there are others suffering from pregnancy symptoms and ppd. (I thought that's a given, apparently its not Smile

)

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:39 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

I'm a very happy person BH Smile

Interesting perspective, that kvetching is healthy. Can you elaborate?

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:46 pm

Just as long as you kvetch to an appropriate audience.

Don't kvetch about your pg to someone who would love to be in your shoes. Kvetch to someone who gets it and has been there and can sort of laugh but validate your kvetching.

I wouldn't kvetch about my annoying coworker to someone who is desperate for a job.
I wouldn't kvetch about my cleaning help to someone who cannot afford any help.

..etc....

ShishKabob

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:47 pm

Chayalle wrote:

This!

PinkFridge

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:50 pm

rae wrote:

Yes, I was waiting for someone to say "vent."
What's the difference between kvetch and vent? Nothing. So of course you have a right to vent. Within reason and perspective. Sometimes circumstances make it hard to keep perspective. And some people might offer the kvetcher gentle reminders. That's ok. As long as everyone feels the pain or annoyance behind the vent.

zaq

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:58 pm

You can kvetch but be discriminating about your audience. Choose people in the same boat who will kvetch in harmony with you, people who adore you and won't mind listening, or people who never pay attention to anything you say and won't be bothered by your kvetching.

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 1:08 pm

zaq wrote:

(And no, I don't vent to the wrong people. Mostly to myself and my husband.)

PinkFridge

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 1:20 pm

zaq wrote:

I'd like to teach the world to kvetch
In perfect harmony Music

*OMgoodness, I'm listening to the Ohr Sameyach program and Rabbi Leff just said only Hashem is perfect and now something about living in harmony.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 2:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm a very happy person BH Smile

Interesting perspective, that kvetching is healthy. Can you elaborate?

I believe that expressing one’s emotions is healthy. The fact that your life is wonderful doesn’t mean that you don’t have negative feelings sometimes and if we bottle those feelings inside because we are afraid to sound ungrateful- we end up unhappy.
To me kvetching is being honest about the hardships of life which is so important! I can’t stand people that only share the good- it paints a false picture of what real life is. I’m a very happy person in general and work hard on myself to be this way no matter what but part of why I can be so happy is because when small things happen - I talk about them. I kvetch about my difficult pregnancy and I kvetch about my kids and husband and at the same time I acknowledge how wonderful they are!

zaq

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 3:34 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

I'd like to teach the world to kvetch
In perfect harmony Music

[

I'd like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company...