Anybody else? | Imamother

PeanutMama

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 2:13 pm

I already want to daven and cry out to hashem already.
I’ve been through so many ups and downs especially on my spirituality and right now I’m at an okay place but I wish I can daven more and do more mitzvos like giving tzedaka and I don’t know what else. Sure I do the serious stuff (shabbos kosher TH) but now I’m working on my tznius and being dan lkaf zechus to others

This year has been full of doubts regarding living this life and being religious in general and looking back I couldn’t believe I had these thoughts and wants.
I now have a mashpia who answers whatever question I have or helps me resolve some issues.

BH I have a baby boy who’s soon going to be one year old iyH and yes I know I’m sort of exempt from davening but I miss it.

I want to go to shul in Rosh hashonah and I want to cry unashamed and do teshuva

ExtraCredit

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 2:27 pm

You don’t need to wait for rosh hashana.
Hashem is always ready to hear your thoughts and prayers wherever you are. Speak to him in your own language. He’s listening!

PeanutMama

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 2:39 pm

I feel most connected to hashem on Rosh hashonah.
It was my first Yom Tov as a Yid nearly 4 years ago

ExtraCredit

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 2:51 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

I feel most connected to hashem on Rosh hashonah.
It was my first Yom Tov as a Yid nearly 4 years ago

I totally understand that, as I feel that way on you kippur. And it’s supposed to be that way since Rosh Hashana and YK are specifically meant to build a strong connection with Hashem. But when you have such strong feelings so many months prior I still recommend you try to reawaken that connection now. Of course it won’t be the same but it’s not all or nothing.

flowerpower

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 3:05 pm

First of all, you can go to shul. A lot of people go shabbos mevorchim- the shabbos before rosh chodesh

You can also daven at home every day. Say the basics.

Perek Shira is a beautiful prayer. Buy one that has english translation.

You can always daven to hashem in your own words. Anytime. Any day. It helps you connect to him.

Look into the thank you hashem movement. It’s also nice. Every night before you go to sleep thank hashem for three good things that happened to you that day.

ssspectacular

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 5:00 pm

OP, I agree with you. I keep saying that I wish it was Rosh Hashana and we could start all over again with a sweet new year!

amother

Linen

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 5:02 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

You can do all that now. You don’t need a shul to do it.

ExtraCredit

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 5:08 pm

ssspectacular wrote:

OP, I agree with you. I keep saying that I wish it was Rosh Hashana and we could start all over again with a sweet new year!

I think we’d all like to go back to previous rosh hashana and daven harder.

saralem

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 5:09 pm

And Elul is not that far away. In Elul, the King is in the fields, so you can open your heart and have Him so close by.

PeanutMama

Fri, Jul 10 2020, 7:44 pm

😳 I feel embarrassed 😳

I know I can daven in shul anytime I want, or anywhere I want in my own language

I guess my point was that I finally got to have that spiritual feeling that I haven’t had for a bit more than a year

ExtraCredit

Sat, Jul 11 2020, 10:10 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

Please don’t feel embarrassed! It’s amazing how you can be so honest with yourself and share it with others too. Thumbs Up

amother

Jade

Sat, Jul 11 2020, 11:23 pm

I admire you a lot! I have a lot of rh/yk related anxiety/ptsd and I dread these holidays for weeks before they come. I wish I could want to feel like you. Instead I just want to run away.

amother

Burlywood

Sat, Jul 11 2020, 11:35 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

I admire you a lot! I have a lot of rh/yk related anxiety/ptsd and I dread these holidays for weeks before they come. I wish I could want to feel like you. Instead I just want to run away.

Same

imasinger

Sun, Jul 12 2020, 5:47 am

I often find it especially difficult to deeply connect in July. Maybe it's the externals, or maybe there's something to the idea that we are farther away until after Tisha B'Av.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jul 12 2020, 9:34 am

Many of us had the good fortune to have a Bais Yaakov education and maybe even a year or two of seminary. So when we had the further good fortune to get married and have children we were just fine with staying home from shul. We knew that this is where we were supposed to be and called on all that we got, formally and informally.

And now, I can - and until corona - and did go back to shul. BH for the Artscroll siddur and the Stone chumash for making it meaningful.

I'm telling you all this because it's normal and human to miss shul but embrace where you are. A wise woman in a very difficult situation said that we're never in limbo, we're exactly where Hashem wants us to be.

Right now you're not in a position to go to shul. (Most of us women aren't thanks to COVID.)

Oh, and speaking of COVID, I think we've all been impacted. We're all in a place of wondering what is it Hashem wants from us, as a people and individually, now. Here's what I'm thinking, and what might be helpful for you: Focus on Hashem's love for us. Breathe. Inhale, exhale, and focus on the great brachos in your life. Say Modeh Ani thanking Hashem for His faith in us and pledge to try to make this a day worth of His faith.

I just feel that our avodah has to be coming from a positive place. Yes, even during the three weeks. Even though I'm beH going to, yet again, read daily from the book Why We Weep so our painful history is going to be on my radar every day. I'm going to think about the beauty of geulah, about the beautiful life in the days of Moshaich, and try to bring this into my life now, by living a full rich Jewish life and calling on my strengths as a Jew and Jewish woman. This is the legacy you want to give your son.

Oh, and if you're going to think about RH, make a list, starting with all the wondering things you've written in your OP about the positive efforts you're making this year and tell Hashem, I'm bringing good things with me into RH and please give me the strength to continue. And, you can even go back to the very big and good things you've done over the last few years and continued and grown further this year.

I really really think that part of our individual and national recovery from COVID has to be living happy upbeat lives.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jul 12 2020, 9:36 am

Surplus wrote:

I think we’d all like to go back to previous rosh hashana and daven harder.

Definitely something to think about next RH. But we are we are. And who are we now? Are we better people for it? If we don't feel that way can we still point to good things we've done and ways we've stretched ourselves?