How do you manage???

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 10:11 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Do you at least take a long shower? lol

Where I live right now the zman is at 8. He can take them out from 5 till 6:30 and then shower and set the table. You need to have a break for yourself one way or another.

yes, it's a long shower Smile

I get to shower and do my makeup and cut my nails on Friday afternoon. It is rather relaxing!

rising hero

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 10:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

With a baby, it's hard. I have to bring the food outside, then bring the baby out, down the steps... it's hot, they want drinks etc, it's a lot of back and forth for me. And I don't want to eat outside- I want to eat inside, so that means I can't eat until they're finished. (Right now, I usually serve dinner to the kids myself and Dh all at once, or I eat with the kids.)

Serving everyone together definitely makes more sense.

Can you prepare their clothing the night before so your husband can help them get dressed in the morning before breakfast?

Alos, teach your 6 year old how to shower himself. And a baby doesnt need a bath every single night.

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 10:17 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Take 5 minutes to bring everything outside, including drinks and a garbage bag. Then bring the kids out. Why don't you want to eat outside with them?

I don't like eating outside. I'm hot, I take off my shoes and socks but don't go outside my house like that, I like to have more food easily available for second helpings, I don't want to shlep my heavy baby up and down any more than I have to... Its a nice suggestion but I don't think it will work for me.

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 10:18 pm

Madam F. wrote:

Great idea about the clothing!!! I might try to do that.
My baby doesn't get bathed every night although she'd love to- she gets so relaxed. Sometimes I bathe her and watch her in there for 15-20 minutes just so I can have a quiet 15-20 minutes for myself.
My six yr old doesn't like to shower and I don't want to force it. I bathe him together with his 3 yo brother.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 10:35 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Take 5 minutes to bring everything outside, including drinks and a garbage bag. Then bring the kids out. Why don't you want to eat outside with them?

I just want to second op that I find feeding outside draining and frustrating. If they eat well inside the. Skip it.

pause

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 10:40 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What time does DH come home that he still gets to eat with the kids? Maybe there's room for some adjustment during supper time.

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 10:42 pm

pause wrote:

What time does DH come home that he still gets to eat with the kids? Maybe there's room for some adjustment during supper time.

Around six some days. Whether he eats with us or not depends on when dinner is ready.
He is not so good with the kids when he comes home. He is stressed out and can't handle so much Sad

and he has more work from home to do, plus minyan. He has another job that he does evenings from home so is not so available.

pause

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 10:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Around six some days. Whether he eats with us or not depends on when dinner is ready.
He is not so good with the kids when he comes home. He is stressed out and can't handle so much Sad

and he has more work from home to do.

But you also worked and you're also stressed and you also have work from home. Sad

Maybe you can work out a rotation system whereby he's in charge of the kids a designated three days of the week (one of those days being Friday), and you the other three days.

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 11:02 pm

pause wrote:

But you also worked and you're also stressed and you also have work from home. Sad

Maybe you can work out a rotation system whereby he's in charge of the kids a designated three days of the week (one of those days being Friday), and you the other three days.

You're right. That's a good idea

amother

Lime

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 11:15 pm

Hi op! Want to be friends?! (Just kidding! Dont have time for friends!!) I have a 5.5 y.o a 3.5 y.o and a 7 mo old. Dh is in grad school and I have a business. I work evenings too. Bh after my baby was born I had to get a live in housekeeper/nanny or my sanity would have gone out the window. Even so, after 3 shes done with baby for the day and will take a break and then do housekeeping and then clean up from dinner. 3-6 is total survival mode (at 6 my baby goes to sleep). I still want my kids to enjoy summer so I turn on a sprinker or take them to a relatives pool. Its just simply exhausting being a mom to 3 dependent little ones in 85-95° heat! Then we do the usual rat race of dinner, bath, bed trying to give the 1 older ones individual attention so noone grows up with emotional scars- ya know. When my baby was 5 months my husband moved into the guest room and sleep trained him. I told my husband it was his single best contribution to this household since we got married. I was on the verge of collapse!

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 11:23 pm

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

Heaven that he sleeps at 6. When is he up in the morning?

queen esther

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 11:26 pm

Not sure I have any tips right now, but want to say you sound like you are doing a lot! Especially with a little baby and not a lot of help in evenings, if DH is often busy then too. And when I saw you even learn and exercise....kol hakavod. I had some years when DH was really busy most of the day from early till late and I felt like I was just on a train all day non stop..I am more easy going on the house stuff so I will choose to leave laundry and cleaning etc so I can just relax instead. With the understanding that I NEED downtime to be able to keep going. Maybe easier dinner once or twice a week, like easy frozen or something ready made so that you know that night you have a little less to manage? Or if DH could take even a half hour in evening , even if not every day, so you can have a break to recharge? Or give him a small specific task to help you- I find that my DH wants to be helpful but is really kinda clueless about all the teeny details that go into smoothly running a home, while my head is swarming with 100 things to do, he'll say he doesn't know what's needed. So even something little to give to him helps it feel like not all on me..( married 10+ years so this is a work in progress and definitely has gotten better!) Like "can you bring the clothes up from dryer" or " can you make snacks for each kid's lunch" or " can you put clean towels in everyone's camp bag"- these are short but he won't necessarily do it unless I ask, and it helps with that overwhelmed feeling. Guess this turned into longer post than I thought!

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 2:58 am

kol hakavod to you for doing all that. just want to reiterate what someone else said, it will get easier! the little kids grow up quickly and become so much more independent and then the younger ones copy the older ones and before you know it they can bath themselves, pour drinks, and even take second helpings of food! give yourself a huge pat on the break and a small break and remember it will get easier!

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 3:07 am

Sounds like a ton.
The feeling of walking in the door with 3 little kids and needing to wash hands, unpack bags, wash pump, etc is one I relate to well and I hate hate hate coming into the house with that overhwelmed feeling of "I have so much to do".
What I do to help is do only 2 or 3 urgent jobs (wash hands, put on a load) immediately and save a couple other tasks for a little later.
Also I wondered what your dinners are. Easy ones hopefully. And for the less easy ones please cook double and freeze. Meatsauce, shnitsel, meatballs, borekas, all freeze beautifully and will make life easier for the following week.
Not sure this helps but I let my kids play at the kitchen table while I cook and tidy in the kitchen so I can keep an eye on them and chat at same time.... think coloring, stickers, stampers, playdough.

Pg it will get easier as 6 year old gets more independent and 3 year old too.
Hang in there.
Sending strength

amother

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 7:56 am

Reading this during breakfast. Thanks for the chizuk. Knowing that I'm not imagining things, and that it is a lot, is helpful. ( my kids are 3 years and 2.5 years apart- that's a large space compared to many other ppl, so I always wonder if I'm just not as capable as everyone else because I'm barely managing!)
ok, signing out now so I can get Everything done!

pause

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 8:40 am

I remember posting here when my kids were younger. Based on posters' comments, Gam zeh ya'avor became my motto. It's hard now; it won't be this hard always. And now being a few more years ahead of you, I'm here to tell you that it does get easier (even with more kids). You just need to survive until then.

Take care of yourself. Know your limits. Know when to say "I can't." and then just don't. Whether it means buying supper, skipping housework, late bedtime for the kids because DH will do it instead of you, taking a day off from work. You're doing a lot, and in order to continue going, you really need those small breaks from your obligations every now and then.

And do sit down with DH to discuss how difficult the hours of 3-8:30 are, and ask him specific tasks that he would be able to help out with, that you can ask him to do without him feeling resentful. Let's say he's not good with the kids then, but maybe he can do the dishes?