Dd hates color war

amother

Magenta

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 8:55 am

Op,
It not really 'fair' to ask her to get out of the house for the sake of your self care, when in return you are asking her to do something that is the opposite of her own 'self care'.
Talk to her and try to make a schedule that can work for both of you for today with the understanding that she will have to go out of her way to take care of herself today since you are going out of your way to take care of her.
Maybe don't actually say it like that, but that should be the idea...
Basically you are both going the extra mile for each other today.

zaq

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 9:12 am

What DrMom said.
Giving in to your dd will set a bad precedent and teach her that she can get out of unpleasant things if she complains enough. What will be next? School? Job assignments she doesn't enjoy? Paying taxes?
Life doesn't work that way, and children need to learn how to endure things they don't especially like.

FTR I sympathize with your dd. I always hated color war, despite having been on the winning team more times than not, and to this day think it's a terrible idea. However, there are probably life lessons to be learned from it, like how to be civil to someone on the opposite team.

I also think the very term color WAR brings out hostile impulses. Why can't they call it "Backyard Olympics" instead? Of course the object either way is to win, but in a war it's not about performing well but about defeating an enemy in any way possible. In Olympics, at least in theory, the objective is not so much to defeat the competition as to be 'the best you can be,' iow to outdo your own best and perform so well that the competition can't come close. A subtle difference, but an important one.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 9:18 am

You have to know your kid, so I can only speak for my DD.

She's sensitive, kind, non competitive, and gentle. She's an introvert, and very sensory as well. She's absolutely the kind of kid who would lock herself in her room and cry for hours over this sort of thing.

I would never, EVER force her to do something like that if she were genuinely upset. She's a social kid, and loves spending time with her friends. If she were having this kind of reaction to a group activity, I would respect her feelings.

At the same time, I would ask her to respect my feelings about needing space. We would have to come up with a plan where she could stay home and be relatively self-entertaining. (I wouldn't make her do housework, either.)

You may think it's crazy, or drama, or being silly - but your child is a human being with real feelings. Respecting those feelings is what builds trust. Believe me, when she's a teenager and is having bigger problems, you will look back and be glad that you listened to her and made her feel heard. Otherwise she will not feel safe sharing her feelings when it's important.

amother

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 9:18 am

Thanks all, convinced her to go til 1230 at which point I will call counselor and ask if she wants to stay or come home.
To poster above, I'm not asking her to get out of the house. I'm paying for her to go to the camp she picked, she cant just skip out whenever she wants. She did skip last week when they went on trip she felt she wouldn't enjoy.

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 1:21 pm

My DD's daycamp also had colorwar this week.

DD loves/hates colorwar. She loves getting involved, she's super-creative and is pretty good at making up cheers, skits, badges, banners, etc...so she loves that. She can also get a little intense and has to remember that other girls also have good ideas that they'd like to implement. Inevitably there is some drama - that is the part she hates.....

I think it's a great opportunity for her to learn to be a team player. I encourage her to participate and try to soothe whatever drama and politics go on (which she definitely is part of Smile

) I tell her it's a learning experience, and it's all good. I shared with her some of my own experiences, including the time they made me captain, against my good friend....guess whose team lost. And I am still here to tell the tale, no serious trauma involved B"H Smile

.

I was really impressed that her current daycamp broke out a trip to the icecream store for all immediately after announcing the winning team. The message that it was all in good fun was absorbed in a really sweet and enjoyable way, and the losing team (DD included) came home in good spirits, having had a good time anyway.

amother

Plum

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 1:52 pm

Let it go. My son is home today bec I took away a toy for a bit that he took out of the house without permission (knowingly) in his words "I'm too agitated to go" I didn't force him. There are kids home all the time bec of anxiety, deregulation, ADHD. A child wanting to be home bec of color war is a beautiful gift (not that my child isnt!) She is big enough to entertain herself all day. Lock yourself in your room for your designated down time (with the flexibility that she might knock on the door and interrupt). Kids need structure and rules but they also need to be respected.

Good luck!

Last edited by amother on Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:07 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Olive

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 1:57 pm

So funny to me to see so many kids hating color war...
I loved color war! I loved the performances, the lack of routine and schedule, the special programs and food...
I never enjoyed cheering, or the sports competitions, but color war had enjoyable parts as well.
Not sure about a 12 kid color war though...
Every kid counts and has to give it their all when the teams are that small, so I guess she can’t do whatever she particularly enjoys.

little neshamala

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:19 pm

I hated color war. HATED IT.
All the back and forth chanting about which team is better, all the emphasis on winning and tallying points...im in my 30s and I still get a pitt in my stomach just remembering it.
I gained abslolutely nothing from those experiences. Wouldve been nice to have been able to skip it.

amother

Violet

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:20 pm

Reading your post now that I'm in my mid-40s with grown up teens, I'm thinking "Oh, keep her home! Do something fun, just the two of you together". I know it's easy for me to say...when I was at your stage, I was also gasping for some time to myself. Ive turned into the old people that sigh and go "savour the moment, enjoy your kids now because very soon they won't be interested in hanging out with you". It's all cliches....but it's also all true!

PeanutMama

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:21 pm

Yes. Your child is a human being with feelings and she should be respected.
Maybe ask her to entertain herself when she gets home and then you do what you want or need to do and ask her to respect your privacy

giselle

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:45 pm

I would avoid making a kid go to camp if I could. If I couldn’t be home that day, I may not have a choice, but if I was home, I’d let her skip it. I really don’t see the benefit of pushing her to go and be miserable.

amother

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 9:52 pm

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

OP, how did her and your day turn out? Smile

Hi! As per advice on this thread , I convinced her to go til lunch time and after my private time and I was glad to have that time to accomplish. I called camp at 1215 and she asked me to get her. Then she spent the next 3 hours telling me how bored she was at home and I just kept offering to take her back to camp if she was that bored because I had errands etc., but she declined. We agreed she will go back tomorrow even though its still happening. I also spoke to head Counselor who said she ALSO hated it as a kid and is trying to make it less abt competition and more abt art and song etc.
Thanks for all the great advice everyone!