What would you do? Movie question

icedcoffee

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 2:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks for sharing your perspective. Would you say it’s appropriate for a 14 year old?

For a 14 year old who is already familiar with PG-13 movies, I'd tentatively say yes. I wouldn't recommend it to an extremely sheltered person who had never seen anything besides 12 Angry Men, but as far as R rated movies go, I like this one. A lot of R-rated movies are just shoot shot stab stab, but as I said, this has some good lessons and a clear moral center. For example - the premise is about an elite British intelligence agency, and the main character is a teenage boy who's recruited to be a potential new member. He and the other recruits go through some tests to see who is the most fit to join, and there's one scene where the room is suddenly flooded and they're all trying to figure out how to get out. Everyone immediately starts doing their own thing to try to escape and it's not until the end when the room is drained of water, that the agency person says they left one person behind and so they failed because they didn't look out for and take care of everybody.

In full disclosure, the one scene that may give me pause is at the end during the big final action scene, they run past a jail cell where some European princess is being held hostage, and she yells out to the guy if they save the world, he can have relations with her (said more crudely). I know that sounds bad, but it's really the one and only scene that would deter me out of a whole movie that's extremely enjoyable overall. You know your son better than I do!

amother

Pink

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 3:31 pm

Naked bottom? Noway!
I would and do tell my kids that just because other kids have neglectful or bad parents doesn’t mean you do. I tell them you can’t do this because it’s not good for you, not appropriate, whatever, and I feel sorry for the other kids who have no limits and will end up seeing stuff and doing stuff they shouldn’t because their parents weren’t looking out for them.
It’s working for me. My kids trust me. Sometimes they ask why they can’t see a specific movie that their friends watched and I tell them it’s inappropriate and no I won’t tell you exactly in what way it was inappropriate because that defeats the whole purpose.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 3:56 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

I agree that I wouldn't want my son (of any age) watching a movie with nudity.
So, imo, this movie would be a no-go. But, if this is who he socializes with, and they regularly watch movies, there is a real need to provide him with a decent alternative for when he hangs out with them, which is why I suggested you have him invite his friends to your home for movie watching, with options you are ok with.

Another point I want to reiterate, you can only say no so many times, if you don't provide an alternative. This goes for many things, whether movies, reading material, or chol hamoed trips.

Additionally, back in my day, the kids who were up to date on the latest movies and TV were often those who came from the more sheltered homes and who were sent to schools with a similar population. And that was back before the internet was so portable and entertainment options so accessible. Same for "forbidden" reading material. It's way easier now. So, don't assume that just because you are strict, your kids won't be accessing anything. Some kids crave it, some don't. It's mostly personality, not family hashkafa that decides this. IME.
It's like a non reader not understanding why someone feels the need for secular reading material, because frum literature just isn't sufficient. And all the fire and brimstone mussar lectures won't change this.

And, Jews as a whole tend to be intensely introspective and intellectual and crave good storytelling that is thought provoking and interesting. They are very visual when it comes to the written word, and that's not that different from visually seeing it onscreen. It's not coincidental that so many people involved in the publishing/writing/movie business are Jewish.

amother

Blue

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 4:06 pm

Personally I would rather my child sneak behind my back and watch the movie, and KNOW that his parents don’t agree, than having his parents permission to watch a not appropriate movie.

Teens will almost always hide some things from their parents, that’s part of growing up and becoming independent.

It’s not about the movie, it’s about teaching kids what’s right and wrong, and growing up to be an adult with good morals. Show him what’s right and let him learn how to stick to it on his own.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 4:10 pm

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

I know. Was a teen at risk and had friends at risk too from a very frum environment. Doesn't mean I would expose my kids to difficult challenges unnecessarily.

Then you know that just because your kids' schools are selective with their student body and the parents share your hashkafs, it doesn't mean their friends don't access movies or talk about it or have ways to share with your kids. You made a pretty confident statement about not worrying about it. And that's just not any guarantee don't kid yourself. It wasn't 20 years ago, and it's even less so nowadays.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 4:13 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Actually was grateful bec I didn't have access to bad things. Want to the public library and read books. Watched movies by my aunt when I babysat...that's it. No boys, movies.

When I said I don't worry about meant day to day basis with kids that are not at risk. At risk kids are a whole other category.

amother

Apricot

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 1:04 am

Can I say I’m in shock. Or maybe I’m just extremely naive.
My son is in a non yeshivish school in Lakewood. And we have no screen time at home. And I’ve never once heard him talk about movies of any type.
I could never imagine that elementary boys in a typical Lakewood school are watching R rated movies.
Im wondering if it’s more the neighborhood we live in rather then the classmates that offer that shelter.
(My neighborhood is way more yeshivish then the school)
Are the boys staying in Lakewood highschools or going out of town (just curious because there are so few options that aren’t intense)

amother

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 9:19 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Some in town, some out..

Hope you’re able to stay this “naive” and that your boys don’t have friends like this, but don’t be so naive that you miss it .. keep your eyes and ears and most importantly communication with your kids open.

How old is your son?

amother

Apricot

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 1:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

14. Going into high school. And I have another one right behind. I’m not going to say all his classmates from elementary school are doing amazing and perfect right now. But the topic of movies in school with classmates has never come up. No movies or video games at all. I’d be absolutely shocked if it did come up.

amother

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 10:40 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

It's shocking to me how some of the boys described in this thread will never be exposed to basic secular education because Lakewood boys' high schools are so focused on learning but at the same time, they're exposed to nudity, foul language, and violence.
Do the mechanchim realize how incongruous this is? Are these boys really going to learn in kollel?

Yup.

At least my son will be exposed to both 😄

malki2

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 10:46 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

My boys all went through or are going through the Lakewood school system. And neither they nor any of their friends were exposed to this stuff, at least not by parents. So I’m not really sure what you are talking about. No yeshivish parent lets their kids watch this stuff.