Help me improve my Happiness

amother

Tue, Jul 21 2020, 9:28 pm

I’m interested to hear from those who have successfully worked on improving their own simcha. Any tips??

I am (mostly) happily married, beautiful children etc. Definitely some hard dynamics/ challenges here and there but overall I have been blessed with so many brachos. I am truly grateful.

However I just feel kind of “blah” often, and am easily upset by little things not going my way or small challenges. I am in awe of those people with that innate simcha and who take everything in stride with happiness!! (even or in spite of sometimes such difficult circumstances)

Yes I’m aware that my mood has gone downhill in part due to current world situation Wink

I really believe I can change/ improve in general though - please help me!

amother

Gray

Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:22 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I really believe I can change/ improve in general though - please help me!

I'm a naturally happy person. BH it's a gift. But of course even I get down at times. Here are some ideas.
Daven. I mean, daven for happiness and the good frame of mind to serve Hashem optimally, and the strength to serve Him even when in a slump.
Rabbi Pliskin's book Gateway to Happiness.
Laugh. Find humor videos or other outlets for a few minutes a day. I can't tell you how important that is.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Jul 22 2020, 2:19 pm

Following as I have trouble with this as well. I do the living emuna and talk to hashem in my own words pretty often but when something goes wrong I immediately freak out and all this goes out the window and I could be down about something for a long time and worry endlessly. I need more concrete ideas to live in the moment

amother

Gray

Wed, Jul 22 2020, 2:22 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

It's great that you're looking for more sources to help you get where you want to be. Don't discount all you've done so far though. You are making progress. Really!

amother

Pearl

Wed, Jul 22 2020, 2:32 pm

Thanks gray! My husband tells me that happiness is a choice - he’s not judging me just trying to be helpful but it’s not working. These vague abstract things don’t work for me. I’m one of these people that can work on a challenging task for hours and get it done as long as I have a plan, a map, rules, something! But here I feel like I don’t know where to continue! Like it’s a game without rules. The last time I felt very down I sat down and said a bunch of tehillim and that helped somewhat because I felt like I was doing something to help myself and not just sitting there helpless. But I can’t always do that especially if I have other responsibilities like work lol

PinkFridge

Wed, Jul 22 2020, 7:06 pm

Learning wrote:

You said you feel “blah”. It means that you are bored and not stimulated. Can you do something even once a week that you really love? Take course, exercise a new thing? Learn to draw. Etc.

Yes.
Do you have an Artscroll siddur? I've often quoted the commentary on Lo hameisim yehallu Ka in Hallel. We have to nourish ourselves. It really helps us be more receptive to spiritual movement.

OK, I decided to out myself. I am amother gray. I felt that saying I'm naturally happy was personal. Not humble braggy but personal enough that I wanted to stay anonymous. Especially because I'm not always so happy lately. Maybe it's stress, hormones, insomnia. But many days I feel happy and that that's my normal state.

Oh, and now that I've said this, I might be scaring some of you: You mean she's naturally happy but she still has to work at it? What hope is there for me? Don't be scared. I really believe it's doable, even without an inborn head start. Enjoy the trip!

ETA: I want to define happiness. Or maybe start a discussion about what happiness means. It doesn't mean that everything is perfect - perfect house, job, body, husband, trophy kids, whatever. (Even though I like a lot about my life. And there is something in each of my kids that I have a lot of respect for.)
It's being upbeat, cheerful, feeling connected to Hashem and other people (yes, even if you're an introvert). It's the template, the background to process life.

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 1:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I really believe I can change/ improve in general though - please help me!

I personally find it's a matter of keeping focus & sometimes it's hard to keep "centered." The best way I can stay centered is to continually make time for myself & my interests so that I feel well cared for and then I can more easily deal with frustrations that inevitably come up in life.