S/O Professional Shadchanim getting a bad rap

amother

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:13 pm

On another thread today, Professional Shadchanim are getting a VERY bad rap.

Does anyone realize that some Shadchanim, even on Sawyouatsinai, are up til 1 am reading profiles and matching people L'Shem Mitzvah (and for the sense of satisfaction), for little or no money?

This is mind boggling.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

On another thread today, Professional Shadchanim are getting a VERY bad rap.

Does anyone realize that some Shadchanim, even on Sawyouatsinai, are up til 1 am reading profiles and matching people L"Shem Mitzvah (and for the sense of satisfaction), for little or no money?

Yes, I thought the post that wrote that was really ungrateful and insensitive. Sorry. Don’t worry, most of us don’t think like that.

amother

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:16 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

Yes, I thought the post that wrote that was really ungrateful and insensitive. Sorry. Don’t worry, most of us don’t think like that.

Unfortunately, many/most posts had a super critical slant.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm the one from the other thread....
I never dealt with shadchanim at all. I thought that was clear.
Im sorry if I sounded negative.
I'm very nervous.

ShishKabob

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:23 pm

Thanks for using my words op. Smile

If you read it carefully, professional shadchanim are the ones making oodles of money. I wasn't talking about the ones doing lshem mitzvah and so on.
Being a shadchan doesn't necessarily give you a license to force your opinion onto someone, try convincing someone what they don't want, and ending with a threat or something like that.
If you have only positive experiences with 'professional shadchanim' great for you! Hopefully, your image of 'professional shadchanim' stay very positive and lofty.
The end of my in put here.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:24 pm

I had a much better experience using a real shadchan for my child than a layperson: well meaning people would drop names and never call back... when I called back they were shleppy and it just never went anywhere. While using a professional shadchan I felt that she was so on top of things, yeah her pushiness irked me but hey! My child got engaged within a short time frame with her help
Edit: any professional shadchanim here dealing with the heimish chassidish audience? I have a wonderful daughter☺️

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:29 pm

Shadchanim do not get paid unless their efforts bear fruit. Imagine spending your days suggesting shidduchim, coordinating dates etc. and then in the end if it doesn't work out you get nothing. I would find that very frustrating and give up.

I've dealt with a number of shadchanim who either made suggestions that went nowhere, or guided us through the dating but then the shidduch didn't work out. I know they're disappointed and do the best they can. I can't afford to pay every shadchan for an unsuccessful shidduch but I do give them my sincere thanks. If I haven't heard from a shadchan in a while I'll drop them a note to remind them I'm still looking. I try not to pressure. And if a suggestion is not for us I try to get back to them quickly and thank them for thinking of us.

I don't know anyone getting rich off shadchanus. It's many hours of thankless and often frustrating work. At most it's a supplement to their main job.

I think it's sad that we have a system where we are so dependent on well-meaning strangers for our kids to find someone to marry. I wish there was a better way.

amother

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 1:43 pm

amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:

As a shadchan on SYAS who recently made my 5th shidduch, I've commented many times that if I instead invested my time working at Walmart, I'd make a lot more money ... and be treated much better!

Same here.

singleagain

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 1:53 pm

amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:

A friend of mine just stopped after a shadchan took a couple thousand from him. And resulted in nothing. The man charged for his time and didn't search except when my friend was sitting in front of him. And he didn't follow up correctly or present him well.

amother

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 2:04 pm

singleagain wrote:

Who recommended this Shadchan to your friend?

Why would your friend give any Shadchan money if most Shadchanim work diligently with zero money down?

singleagain

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 2:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Who recommended this Shadchan to your friend?

Why would your friend give any Shadchan money if most Shadchanim work diligently with zero money down?

I'm not sure who made the recommendation. But the shachans success rate was supposedly wonderful and my friend is considered a sensitive case. I was very weary when he told me the initial fee was something like 800$. And was so happy when he decided enough was enough