Do you talk on the phone to your newlywed son in law?

amother

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 12:39 pm

I mean if there is no reason to. I never do. I just never call him or ask to talk to him. I only talk to Dd every day.

amother

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 12:55 pm

Sil’s mother talk to Dd often. They live close by. I live far from them.

naturalmom5

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 1:01 pm

OP, did your daughter meet him at singles event and you cant stand him , or this was a regular shadchan arrangement..

shmosmom

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 1:09 pm

I think it's nice to make somewhat of an effort. It can be stilted in the beginning but it's nice to make somewhat of an effort. A 2 minute conversation is fine. If it doesn't work, at least make sure to send regards to him when talking to your daughter.

amother

Aconite

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 1:11 pm

You can send him a good shabbos text or occasional text telling him how happy your daughter looks... Or complimenting him on something he bought her. It'll build a connection

Last edited by amother on Wed, Sep 21 2022, 5:41 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cerise

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 1:11 pm

OP, I think this question depends on which circles you run in.

We're Yeshivish and while my mother definitely talks to dh when we visit, or would chat with him for a few minutes if he answers the phone, she doesn't generally call for him specificially or ask to speak with him directly if I answer the phone.

amother

Blush

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 1:14 pm

My son-in-law is an expert in hilchos basar bi'cholov. That gives us plenty to talk about LOL

Maybe there's something you have in common that you can bond over (could be your admiration for your daughter or something else).

zaq

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 7:12 pm

No. Only in person when they come for Shabbat or if he calls me to ask about something to do with my work that applies to his work.

amother

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 7:23 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

OP, did your daughter meet him at singles event and you cant stand him , or this was a regular shadchan arrangement..

They are modern. I don’t see him because of covid and they live in a different state. I never said that I can’t stand him.

Refine

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 8:59 pm

That's the drawback of everyone having their own cellphone as opposed to when people just had the house phone and whoever is nearby answered it.

amother

Peach

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 9:21 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

OP, did your daughter meet him at singles event and you cant stand him , or this was a regular shadchan arrangement..

Why do you think she can't stand him? Where does it even come in here? It's actually a common thing.

amother

Slategray

Sun, Jul 26 2020, 9:34 pm

Chassidish. While my mom and my mother-in-law don't call their sils, if the wife is not available and the husband picks up, yes! they'll talk briefly, asked to give over a msg, or wtvr. And in person, dinner, shabs, yt, plain visit, they talk much. My husband loves going to my mom.

zaq

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:41 am

Refine wrote:

That's the drawback of everyone having their own cellphone as opposed to when people just had the house phone and whoever is nearby answered it.

So true!

amother

Puce

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 9:47 am

There are ways to build a relationship. Do what's comfortable for you. You can find out what are his fave foods and include them when they come etc. Show you care in ways appropriate for you. Takes time.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 11:30 am

OP, obviously you have a newlywed dd or are a newlywed dd, but is your question really about the newlywed part or about the son-in-law part? Are you asking if it's appropriate for a mil to talk on the phone to her sil at all, or if it's appropriate while he's newlywed? IOW would you still have this question if your dd or you were married for 10 years?

or are you asking if this is a good way to get to know a new sil?

naturalmom5

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:11 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

Why do you think she can't stand him? Where does it even come in here? It's actually a common thing.

She says if theres no reason to , I dont

What does that mean

My mother ah, always said my husband is her son. She talked to him much more than me, especially when she was homebound the last ten years of her life

She was nicer to him, than me..

amother

Lavender

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 1:35 pm

My mother treats DH as if he's her own son, maybe because she never had any. She'll tease him, constantly push food on him, ask him to carry in the groceries, etc. She also always ask questions on halacha since he's pretty knowledgeable, BH.
Is that not the norm in most places?
My own MIL towards me, now that's a different story.