What does a boys playdate look like?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 11:43 am

my 7 yr old son can't make new friends. he only feels comfortable with his classmates. he desperately wants to be friends with neigbors but he doesn't know how to.
his default friend-making method is acting up and being wild all in the name of "fun" and without talking so they don't become friends.
anyway, when I invite classmates over he doesn't know how to play. they run from room to room, messing things up, jumping on beds, smacking each other on the butt "for fun". and it is fun for them but not for an hour. I understand if 5 minutes of a playdate looked like that and the rest they should settle down and play something but that's not what happens.
is this normal for boys? what can I do?

mha3484

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 11:46 am

They should play something concrete, a board game, legos, playmobile, if they like sports play catch or shoot baskets.

amother

Turquoise

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 11:47 am

My 7 year old plays board games with friends. He's not so into sports, but sometimes they will go outside and throw or kick around a ball. They may review their chumash together (likes to learn) or may do an activity book together. He also walks around and shmoozes with them.
But really depends on his interests. Find an age appropriate activity that he's into (sports, crafts, games) and set it up before his friend comes over. He's definitely young enough for you to be involved and help make sure the activity is going well.

amother

Violet

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 11:49 am

Maybe meet up in the playground/park?

I'm also having difficulties with playdates for my son.

mha3484

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 11:57 am

I have a son with some social issues. They have gotten a lot better with time b'h. Now hes starting 4th grade k'a and feels like he is friends with his whole class. Second grade was a watershed year for him. We got him intense social skills coaching and he really blossomed. Now he feels like he friends with his whole class when he used to think everyone hated him.

I really didnt encourage play dates until he was at the end of first grade. There were one or two boys that were super kind to him and if they invited him over I was happy for him to go but I didnt feel that he gained from playing with random boys that he didnt know so well. I felt that me constantly micromanaging the playdate did not make him feel good about himself so it was easier to stick to the boys I knew that would tolerate his issues.

amother

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 12:06 pm

thanks for all the replies. my son loves sports but he probably needs a bigger group for that, and an adult to supervise. but I'll tell dh to look into getting a basketball hoop.
he doesn't have a problem in school. only at home. he loves people and friends but he doesn't know how to handle it. I push him to go to shul which he likes but even then he only runs around with the kids outside, he won't even know their names... so that's not helping build friendship. I hope that once they'll be friends they can settle down and play something. till that happens his coping method is acting up.

mha3484

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 12:20 pm

I would really suggest working on social skills together using mentchies and role playing how to initiate play or if your not comfortable a therapist/social skills group. Even a few sessions can help a kid tons. It does not need to be life long therapy.

amother

Apricot

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 12:24 pm

In nice weather mostly play outside, either on their bikes, or even just play with the dog.
Indoors some boys enjoy Lego, video games, not sure what else.

Stars

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 12:35 pm

Seems he needs to be taught or guided a little bit. It’s sort of normal for boys to be wild a little bit but at that age there should be some constructive play as well. Ball, board games, riding bikes, any building toy, etc.

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