Wedding expense articles in family first magazine

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:00 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

No one I know would be ok with CZ jewelry and I am a kollel family in lakewood. An engagement ring has sentimental value and if its fake it cheapens the whole thing.
Most of the expenses for a wedding goes into the wedding night itself. The hall, photographer, flowers... The hall has a minimum for the amount of guests and even if you wanted to do buffet style (MUCH cheaper and can cut the cost by at least half) you cannot so it really has little to do the baal simchah. You can do simple on the gowns, flowers, furniture etc but that just takes away a small amount of money in the long run. My parents did not make an expensive wedding for me it was pretty simple and everything together including everything for the apartment costed around $50k Im not kidding.

I agree. I personally would not have been okay getting a CZ. There are so many other things to be frugal with.

zaq

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:02 pm

None of this would be a problem, if we taught our children to be themselves and do what works for them, instead of teaching them to worry about what "everyone" will think. When you start out giving in to a dd pining for white patent leather Mary Janes with kitten heels and rhinestone buckles because you bought her black with block heels and plain buckles and "nobody" wears that, you will eventually put yourself in the poorhouse to provide her with a wedding and wedding gifts that "everyone has to have."

Really--a kallah HAS TO have a top-of-the-line mixer, top-of-the-line cookware, an apt. furnished with all new furniture, dishes for 16 and diamond jewelry? A chosson HAS to have a complete Shas (whether he'll use it or not), a two-foot-tall sterling silver menorah and a watch that costs as much as a new car? Who knew?

Those poor, deprived children. They'll never know the satisfaction of putting their household together little by little, the joy of acquiring each item one by one. When you get everything at the start on a silver platter, what is there to look forward to?

And we wonder that they act so entitled?

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:08 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

I agree. I personally would not have been okay getting a CZ. There are so many other things to be frugal with.

I understand a diamond ring, because of how symbolic it is, it's not just in the frum world.
But why the need for diamond bracelet, diamond pendant, diamond earrings, diamond studded watch? If the concept of diamonds were taken out of the equation for the jewelry gifts, costs would drop exponentially.
Nothing wrong with a pretty gold watch OR bracelet. No need to give both.
Why can't that be the yichud room gift instead of the engagement gift? Why must a necklace be given in addition?

asmileaday

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:08 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Oiy I guess I'm in the extreme minority.
I actually asked my inlaws for cz, as I was passionate about this topic already back then as a very young kallah. They refused though. I feel bad for those expensive diamond earrings, watch, bracelet, pin etc... sitting neglected in a corner of my drawer.

Tell me, how does this whole thing even make sense? A kollel family that barely pays its bills month to month and supposedly values Torah over gashmius. How do they come up with and justify shelling out thousands of dollars to buy real diamond jewelry for a 19 year old?
Cz jewelry is still called jewelry. Yes. Real jewelry. It's real earrings. Or a real bracelet. Regardless if the stones are real diamond or not.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:10 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Theres an article in this weeks ami or mishpacha about a $10k wedding. He bought for his sons kallah a CZ engagement ring and bracelet. Im sorry but thats unacceptable. Jewelry is something that should be real it can be a cheaper one but you dont give fake jewelry as a gift! I was horrified!

That's the problem when people get married as teens and expect their partners' PARENTS to buy them a gift.
These gifts should be from husband to wife, out of his money.

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:10 pm

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

I agree! I think all the diamond jewelry is insane. But a cz for my engagement ring? I would have been so disappointed.

asmileaday

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:11 pm

zaq wrote:

Well said.
I feel like this topic was already discussed ad nauseam but I still get so riled up every time I see another thread about this.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:14 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

That's the problem when people get married as teens and expect their partners' PARENTS to buy them a gift.
These gifts should be from husband to wife, out of his money.

This is really the bottom line. And I couldn't agree more.

essie14

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:32 pm

In the DL circles in Israel, most of the young kallahs get engagement rings with a diamond chip. My DD wouldn't even know what to do with a large diamond ring, forget about all the other "standard" gifts given in other circles. She won't be getting a diamond bracelet or probably anything else.
She would much rather the money be put towards a down payment.

amother

Peach

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:35 pm

Rappel wrote:

Conclusion from this thread: I'm going to be making shidduchim with a lot of thrifty imamothers in a few years...

So far, one boy on the market, and one girl.

Boy is 4, has a deep sense of justice, and likes to care for little things (younger kids, bunnies, the weak and the small). Currently in upheaval over the impending house move, but is generally a gentle, friendly soul.

Girl is 2.5, and lives by her imagination: If she decides that she is a chicken today, then she will correct you sternly if you try to address her as anything else. She has a very strong personality. She's very open to new experiences, avoids crowds, and her natural demeanor is laughing/smiling/joking.

Any takers?

Totally off topic and not sure how I missed this but Rappel I'm so happy you're moving!!!!

Love, one of the mothers in the small spaces support thread that never happened

Ok carry on

amother

Blonde

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:41 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

That's the problem when people get married as teens and expect their partners' PARENTS to buy them a gift.
These gifts should be from husband to wife, out of his money.

Halachicly a chossun can’t give the kallah jewelry otherwise according to some opinions they’re married

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:46 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

Halachicly a chossun can’t give the kallah jewelry otherwise according to some opinions they’re married

So let him give his gifts in the yichud room. Etc
This isn't the reason for the over the top jewelry expectations, and you know it.

amother

Denim

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 3:59 pm

asmileaday wrote:

I'm in the even more extreme minority. I refused the engagement ring altogether.

I have a gold bracelet (no stones) instead. DH bought it 70% off. Yes with his own money, the rav said make sure no one sees you give it to her and it's not kiddushin.

No regrets, even 10+ years on.

amother

Denim

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 4:04 pm

Rappel wrote:

How are their communication skills? Wink

And ability to compromise?

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 4:53 pm

I also think a big problem is the "showing off" element. When the girl is bombarded with curious looks and questions about her jewelry at the vort, or wedding, or after the yichud room, that sets up expectations, disappointment, embarrassment, and pressure. If gifts would be more private, maybe given after the wedding, that would cut out a lot of the pressure.

amother

Silver

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yeah I see. Except the most I can put away is 200$ a month. my daughter is 5 Im guessing she will get married when shes 20. so in 15 years I will have saved 30k approx for one kid. but what about the other kids?

Invested in stocks and compounded interest should get you something like upwards of half a million at that rate.

amother

Silver

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:10 pm

asmileaday wrote:

Oish these topics are so triggering for me.
I hate the wasteful spending that goes on to bedeck young teenagers, boys and girls, in thousands of dollars worth of jewelry.
Let's not kid ourselves. The average earner can not easily afford the insane amounts that real jewelry costs for multiple children. They just can not.
Stunning cz jewelry costs less and is much prettier than cheap real jewelry. And you can replace it guilt free and much more often when styles change.

I hope my sons don't marry girls with amother Taupe's mindset. How will I even know? You don't quite ask during research "is the girl ok with cz jewelry?", do you?

Totally hear you. And its so much more meaningful getting the real jewelry from your dh's hard earned money after marriage too. I dont know why our kallahs cannot just get an engagement ring, period. Then a wedding band. And spend as your budget. But I would never do cz as the engagement ring. It is a precious forever thing. Manmade artificially grown diamonds are still diamonds and cost a lot less, some would still choose a real tiny one over a bigger fake or artificial. And our sons really dont need an expensive watch. There should be freedom to get a nice gift that makes sense for each person. I hate our self imposed communist style.

amother

Silver

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:13 pm

zaq wrote:

***Standing ovation ***

amother

Silver

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:16 pm

asmileaday wrote:

Liked and am liking it twice here.