Wedding expense articles in family first magazine

amother

Silver

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:27 pm

I also want to give perspective. I can afford b"h but I think the "rules" are obnoxious, take away the meaningfulness of the gifts, promote intense materialism anti torah values, anti any good values to be so "magiah li". And they are young. At least the $ spent on setting up house has long term value if you spend on quality. Yes, you want to look dressed your best at the wedding. Its the mandatory exact-ish gifts that really get me and the amount on a one night party. They could buy a house with that money and not need to work years for it and they would still be married.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:33 pm

This topic gets me riled up every single time. I am from very out of town and now live in Israel so I don't get these high expectations at all. I got a diamond ring when I got married It was pretty simple and the stone was from my mother-in-law so it didn't cost my husband much. We are both balei tshuvah and his parents didn't pay for any jewelry for me, whatever he bought was from his own hard earned money. My mother who could have afforded plenty of jewelry had one ring that she got after she had been married for more than 40 something years. she just passed away recently and she literally had nothing besides one ring to pass on. What I do have from her Is that what you give to others is what you take with you to the next world. Sorry it's a bit off topic but I grew up with the idea that you live beneath your means so you have savings when you need it and you give as much tzedekah as you can. all of these people making expensive weddings when they don't even have money certainly gets me riled up. I never understood it and I never will and I certainly hope that I find like minded people to marry my kids.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:43 pm

amother [ Mustard ] wrote:

Side point -speak to a professional about a wise investment strategy for whatever you are saving.
$200 monthly for 15 years at 6% interest grows to $58,409.

I would like to do the same but I don't know anyone who does this for a "small potatoes" type of thing, not thousands of dollars. Any recommendations?

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:46 pm

Seashell, the problem in Israel is the expectation for money given as apartment down payments. That's probably what makes up a good 75% of meshulachim traveling to collect. It's a huge huge pressure. Girls who don't have parents willing to offer serious $ in this regard, have a hard time getting married. In certain Israeli circles. That's not any better, imo.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:56 pm

Anyone notice that every single post on this thread is saying that same thing?

It's crazy it's insane, don't spend so much on wedding and jewelry, I was happy with czs and minyan wedding etc etc....

Where are all the people who are actually spending all this money and buying real jewelry? Where are all those women who interviewed for the mishpacha? Can they speak up and show us the other side of the story?

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:01 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Good question! What I am really curious about are the mother's of the bride/groom who included as part of the wedding expense a multi-thousand dollar piece of jewelry for themselves. As I recall, there were at least 2 who did so in that article Surprised

One, I think, spent 10k on it.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:04 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

And just to add, a perfectly valid response could be; Gd blessed us with the means. We cab easily afford real jewelry and a $100k wedding.

Although I'm hoping to hear from those who essentially cannot afford it.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:04 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

I would like to do the same but I don't know anyone who does this for a "small potatoes" type of thing, not thousands of dollars. Any recommendations?

Simplest - open a Betterment or Wealthfront account. I think both let you pick a target date.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:11 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Most of the people in the article described themselves as living month to month. Only one sounded truly wealthy (the one from Florida). Several admitted to going into debt, or at the very least, getting help from family or paying off credit cards for the next couple of years. Which isn't a good idea if you have a row of closely aged kids coming up the line!

amother

White

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:52 pm

As someone with a diamond ring (fairly small diamond admittedly) and we did a low budget wedding, some long term purchases do make sense. So, much of our furniture was second hand or ikea etc. But I remember when we were getting the dishes, my mother insisted on buying larger sized sets and at the time I thought what for. But years later with a few kids and if we have guests, the dishes don't go that far. And I can't buy more as they don't make the style anymore. So some stuff does have a logic. But I don't get the prices. How do people spend so much? I wouldn't feel comfortable spending so much on things. It would hurt the thrifty side of me.

Elfrida

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 7:06 pm

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

It is a problem that this has become required. But if the money is being spent, better an investment in an apartment than an expensive wedding which everyone has forgotten about a week later.

The house will last, and it makes more sense to pay a mortgage rather than rent. The problem is that house prices are so high and such a large down payment is required.

mig100

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 7:15 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Lol. Try interviewing kallahs or those who were not pampered when they were kallah

Very easy to say it's not important once your married and were the queen of a beautiful wedding

The backyard wedding were beautiful in pictures. I don't think all the corona kallahs Will idealize them. I won't either if I didn't have one Laugh

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 7:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

ok phew. maybe there is hope.
again I have nothing against if rich people want to spend lavishly on themselves. if you have the money go for it. but I am more wondering where all the people like me are. and if everyone is spending like that on weddings .

and just for the record I dont exactly look like a shlump. I dress well, just for less. I once wore a 8 dollar shirt I found in Kohls to a friends house and she asked me if I got it at Esti's (Jewish store where minimum shirt is $200)

I love the exaggerations here. There are many weekday shirts in Estis for 40-80$. Not that that compares to your 8 dollar bargain, but it’s not 200$ either.

Mama Bear

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 7:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

heres another thing I read about in shock. am I the only one? on that other thread people were saying how 7k to spend on a watch is ridiculous and there is nothing wrong with a 1k watch.
and I am thinking a thousand dollars?! On a watch?
Am I the only one that thinks that spending a thousand dollars on a watch is absurd ? My own watch cost me 40 dollars on amazon and Im really happy with it. It looks beautiful and it tells time.

I'm a little confused. You didnt get a watch when you got engaged? you didnt give your choson a watch either?
I got married in 1995 and my husband's gold watch cost $950 back then.
This is reality. Marrying off kids costs money. Why do you think there are constant fundraisers for people's weddings?

amother

Silver

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 7:52 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

MamaBear, the point is we painted ourselves into this tiny expensive box. The kids would still be married without the watches. Why is it tzedakah to pay for gold watches for 18 year olds? When lots of people cant afford childrens new shoes or yeshiva or a new mattress or even dessert for shabbos? If the parents dont have the money for it, it really is just not make sense to borrow and pay interest or take tzedakah for what is excessive luxury and really not anything to do with getting married.

amother

Natural

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 7:55 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

1985 and we didn't do watches.
Married off kids in the last decade and watches were in the 500 or less range.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 8:02 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

100%
And then there isn't enough tzedaka money for seriously people in need.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 8:11 pm

zaq wrote:

None of this would be a problem, if we taught our children to be themselves and do what works for them, instead of teaching them to worry about what "everyone" will think. When you start out giving in to a dd pining for white patent leather Mary Janes with kitten heels and rhinestone buckles because you bought her black with block heels and plain buckles and "nobody" wears that, you will eventually put yourself in the poorhouse to provide her with a wedding and wedding gifts that "everyone has to have."

Really--a kallah HAS TO have a top-of-the-line mixer, top-of-the-line cookware, an apt. furnished with all new furniture, dishes for 16 and diamond jewelry? A chosson HAS to have a complete Shas (whether he'll use it or not), a two-foot-tall sterling silver menorah and a watch that costs as much as a new car? Who knew?

Those poor, deprived children. They'll never know the satisfaction of putting their household together little by little, the joy of acquiring each item one by one. When you get everything at the start on a silver platter, what is there to look forward to?

And we wonder that they act so entitled?

THIS!!!!

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 8:21 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

I'm a little confused. You didnt get a watch when you got engaged? you didnt give your choson a watch either?

Correct on both counts :-)

But more and more and more is becoming expected and it's so out of hand and ridiculous.

Mommyg8

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 8:36 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

No I didn't get a watch and I actually heard of it just now! I got a diamond ring though Very Happy

.

I also never see constant fundraisers for people's weddings.... interesting.