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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
cookiewriter
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Mon, Aug 03 2020, 9:47 pm
My daughter who is 15 is so antisocial. It drives me CRAZY. She is tall and gorgeous. She has always been this way. It’s like she finds her peers a waste of time. She finds all the girls her age immature. She prefers to sit at home and Pout. It’s so unpleasant for me to have her home after her job ends each day At 3. All the other girls in our bungalow colony hang out with each other whenever they’re not working. She has no interest. At home she doesn’t reas or watch. She just loafs around and glares. I have tried talking to her about this many many times to no avail. She feels like I expect her to be little miss social butterfly but I just want her to do SOMETHING. Even reading. Not watching. We don’t allow that except occasionally. Sometimes other girls her age invite her - they like her. But she declines. Sometimes they come get her. Occasionally she’ll join them but usually not. She doesn’t like anyone. Does she need antidepressant? Or what??? Help!
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thunderstorm
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Mon, Aug 03 2020, 10:04 pm
Is she maybe just an introvert and likes spending time with herself?
I didn’t like when my mother pressured me to socialize. If she has other signs of depression, you can take her to get evaluated. But introversion is not necessarily depression. It may just be personality.
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cookiewriter
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Mon, Aug 03 2020, 10:09 pm
She isn’t reading books or keeping occupied in any way. Is that what introverts enjoy?
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oneofakind
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Mon, Aug 03 2020, 10:14 pm
Maybe it's like social anxiety because she really isn't happy being by herself.
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flowerpower
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Mon, Aug 03 2020, 10:32 pm
Was she always like this- not interested in other humans?
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singleagain
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Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:08 pm
cookiewriter wrote: | She isn’t reading books or keeping occupied in any way. Is that what introverts enjoy? |
No. As an introvert, that is a lazy media stereotype. Not that it's not true but it's not always the case. It's just the easy way to show "this character is an introvert" (like how the second a character gets pregnant you see her throwing up even though she just conceived one day before, and not every women gets morning sickness)
I'm not saying that there aren't other issues at play. But it could be just as simple as introversion presented in a way you are not familiar with.
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amother
Maroon
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Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:15 pm
Are you my mother 25 years ago?
Why don't you get to know your own daughter. Her likes and dislikes and feelings. What she enjoys doing. Why do you assume she "must" hang out with her peers? Being introverted does not mean one is depressed.
My mother used to conspire with my classmates to come and pick me up to do things when all I wanted to do was hang out in my room.
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cookiewriter
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Tue, Aug 04 2020, 2:01 am
You have all been so helpful. She has always been disinterested in her age girls. Even when she was much younger. She prefers the company of adults.
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FranticFrummie
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Tue, Aug 04 2020, 2:14 am
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amother
Puce
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Tue, Aug 04 2020, 2:40 am
If she's always been like this, I think it's her personality.
For the record, I never socialized with peers outside school time. Still don't. I did read though. And played video games. I am antisocial and introverted. I am not depressed. I love my mom for accepting me as I am.
Better question now is - what should she do with her time. Have you tried brainstorming with her? Spend some private time with her. Take a walk, play a game. See what ideas she comes up with. Library, baking, drawing, writing, extracurricular class, painting her room, hiking, whatever
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FranticFrummie
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Tue, Aug 04 2020, 2:44 am
DD has been like this her whole life. Just this year she turned 17, and is starting to have friends close to her age. She still thinks 17yo kids are immature for the most part, but she likes being around 18 and 19 yo people. She likes discussing things like college, life goals, job opportunities, and her dreams for the future. Most people her age are still partying, and she's SO not like that.
As she gets closer to becoming an adult herself, I'm convinced that things will level out for her. She'll always be an introvert, but she'll have close friends who are much closer to her age group, and won't be seeking out people who are much older than her.
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Rappel
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Tue, Aug 04 2020, 6:33 am
So what can she do with older people which she would enjoy? Would helping out an elderly woman in the colony be her cup of tea? Is there some kind of responsible volunteering opportunity available? What does she enjoy?
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