Do your kids ever hear you say that they're annoying?

amother

Beige

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:30 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

so has the damage been done and no way to fix it?

You can fix it!! Don't give up, we all make mistakes!!
Now that you are aware of it, you can change how you respond and reinforce the behaviors you want to see.
Every they do something good, point it out.
The most important thing you already did, you became aware. And that's because you love your kids.

amother

Blush

Thu, Aug 06 2020, 12:04 am

Never. Because Inever say it. I'm not supemom, believe me, I'm chaotic sometimes I raise my voice. My parenting has tons of room for improvement but I would feel terrible if my child lived the rest of his or her life with my voice ringing in their ears saying that they're annoying. It becomes part of who you are, believe me, I grew up like that. I can still hear my father saying 'you're impossible'. That voice doesn't go away so easily.
Watch your words. Once said, they can never be unsaid.

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Aug 06 2020, 2:15 am

My mom has called my siblings and me many things like annoying, brat, selfish, stupid, and the list goes on. Most of us turned out ok but I would never want to call my kids any names and definitely never let them hear that. I think it was very unhealthy for us....

amother

Burgundy

Thu, Aug 06 2020, 6:01 am

Never. I never say it, kids around or not. If I was on a deserted island with me and my thoughts, I still wouldn’t think it. Even if they are annoying. (Which they’re not. They’re the cutest and best bh). The minute I think it, it becomes true. And then I start to treat them differently. And then they actually become annoying. And then I think it again. And maybe even say it, G-d forbid. And the cycle continues. (Bh this cycle has never happened. The thought has never happened).
The only thing that could make this cycle worse is to actually verbalize that they are annoying. This is INCREDIBLY INVALIDATING. And also, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Label the behavior instead of labeling the child, if you must.

Stop. Saying. It.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Aug 06 2020, 6:51 am

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

Oh my we have some amazing ladies here! I for one did and do tell my kids when they’re being annoying. And they bH turned out okay, in fact they’re known to be very polite and considerate bH. I don’t believe in this current approach of tiptoeing around. Nu, sometimes kids are annoying (just like sometimes we are too), better they should hear it from us than go out into the world and expect people to put up with them. It’s not doing anyone any favors to treat them like delicate glass and then once they hit adulthood the real world comes as a shock. Better to get honest feedback now from someone who loves them and is trying to help them grow.

I can be plenty honest without being insulting.

I am not a young mother, trying to raise a precious snowflake. My child is extremely well behaved, as told to me by a lot of people who wouldn't have any reason to say otherwise. I have never tiptoed around, or cut her much slack. She has been raised to cope and thrive in a civilized society. No bubble wrap here!

She actually uses my method with her friends now. "I really don't like it when you...", and you know what? They not only still like her, they respect her too. They can hear criticism from her without getting personally offended.

#BestBubby

Thu, Aug 06 2020, 2:10 pm

Wow!

I am from an older generation and it was common for parents to say to their kids

"You're driving me crazy"

which is stronger than saying kids are annoying.

And we did not feel unloved. You can love someone and still be annoyed with them
from time to time. As long as parents are loving most of the time, I don't think it is
a problem to sometimes say you are annoyed with your kids.

Sheesh!