Humor | Imamother

amother

Orange

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 3:31 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

Enough with the milk! Now slaughter the cows and distribute the steak!

amother

White

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 3:33 am

Now that we got someone's attention here, may I repeat:

Can anyone find the joke comparing corona to smicha? I tried searching on here and googling but I haven't hit on the right combination of words.

amother

Orange

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 3:38 am

Sorry, never heard the joke... Sad

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:48 pm

After the 'mask mandate' is over, people will have to wear their masks on the back of their heads in order to pull their ears back into shape!

silverlining3

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 6:33 pm

Taking temperature at the grocery is a scam. They erase your memory!!! I went to the grocery for eggs and tomatoes and came home with cookies and ice cream!

Last edited by silverlining3 on Thu, Aug 13 2020, 7:15 pm; edited 1 time in total

cbsp

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 6:37 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

The school lunch program is allocating an abundance of milk per child per day.

mamma llama

Mon, Aug 24 2020, 2:15 am

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Aug 24 2020, 11:50 pm

...and I hear that after 30 years they have different zip codes

amother

White

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 5:12 pm

Anyone have the link to talmidim putting their recorders on the desk of the magid shiur, who finally puts his own recorder on play and leaves? Very appropriate these days, what?

amother

Khaki

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 7:48 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

I heard it but don’t remember it well.

I was told it specifically about Chabad smicha (we are Chabad) it went something like this.

Chabad Smicha is like Covid, every Lubavicher gets it

I believe there were two more funny parts but I can’t remember them...

amother

White

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 9:04 pm

I think something like:

It only counts if you take the test.
The more modern you are the more seriously you take it.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 9:43 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

...and I hear that after 30 years they have different zip codes

To all the young marrieds, this is not at all indicative of many many many marriages. Married a long time and bh keeps getting better!

amother

Smokey

Wed, Aug 26 2020, 12:33 am

School Rules:

2019- Everyone lets play nicely together, share the Lego, crayons, etc.
2020- No sharing, no playing together, everyone stay to yourself

2019-Take off your hat, your scarf, let me see your face
2020-Put that mask back on

A kid sneezed:
2019- Here is a tissue
2020- Everyone run home and don’t come back for 14 days

shanie5

Fri, Aug 28 2020, 6:02 pm

Treat your Mask Like Underwear:

Do NOT share it
Change it daily
Make sure it's clean
Do NOT borrow or lend it
Make sure it fits snug but not too tight
Do Not touch or adjudt (especially in public)
Wear the right side out
If it's damp, change it
Don't go commando!

singleagain

Fri, Aug 28 2020, 6:10 pm

cbsp

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 1:57 am

shanie5 wrote:

I think someone forgot to teach these kids:

amother

Brown

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 2:45 am

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

...and I hear that after 30 years they have different zip codes

Married 35 years, and don’t get this . . .

PinkFridge

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 9:28 am

Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan.

imasinger

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 10:10 pm

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
You know you want to know...

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

d!ck CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Pickle1

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 10:33 pm

now that the schools are stopping food distribution, the cows are filing for unemployment