Candle ligthing unmarried girls everywhere?

Miri1

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 3:36 pm

OP, why don't you discuss this with your rav?
Since there may be certain important things to know (such as what happens if the girl forgets, or doesn't want to continue - is it the same as a woman lighting candles? Does the girl need to continue once she starts?).
Also the fact that you always lit candles once you were frum may have been different as there may not have been anyone lighting on your behalf. Your girls iy"H might be a different category.
I'm not discouraging it at all, I think it is a beautiful idea.
But I think you should discuss it with your rav before taking it on for your daughters.
(edited for spelling)

Thisisnotmyreal

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 3:44 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

Absolutely not Halacha!!
Chabad tries to teach about Torah and mitzvos and this is how they train girls to light candles when they grow up.

Please read my post. It's a bedieved for girls not to light.

Thisisnotmyreal

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 4:00 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

But you are continuing to say the wrong thing!

We obviously disagree on the question about whether it's halacha or not. Obviously it's not miikar hadin. I wasn't saying that. However I brought a source to support my claim. Please tell me why you feel I misunderstood the aruch Hashulchan or why you feel you can disagree with his statement.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 4:07 pm

What I remember learning is that originally girls lit candles from a young age, but then there came a time, when people were poor, and candles were expensive so they stopped. Gradually it was forgotten until the rebbe started the candle lighting campaign in an effort to bring back this minhog. This seems to fit with the source that itsnotmyreal posted.

While not common outside chabad there is nothing wrong with girls lighting, and in fact there are many not lubavitchers that do. If you like the minhog go ahead and adopt it.

Ema of 5

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 4:08 pm

Cmon be nice wrote:

The only reason candles are lit is to have light at home so nobody trips in the dark. Therefore once the mother lights there's no reason for anybody to light. Which is why technically even two married women shouldn't light in the same room.
Im guessing the Chabad minhag of girls lighting is for chinuch?? Definitely not halacha

I never heard that two married women shouldn’t light in the same room. How would that even work, practically, if let’s say a bunch of couples go away together for a shabbaton? There’s always a place to light candles, for all women.

Ema of 5

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 4:09 pm

Thisisnotmyreal wrote:

If a woman is staying with another home does she still light candles even if candles are anyway being lit by the host?

In my experience yes, but from what I'm seeing here is that not the case?

I’ve never been told otherwise. I lit candles when we were away for shabbat sheva brachot, no one told me not to.

Thisisnotmyreal

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 4:11 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

I’ve never been told otherwise. I lit candles when we were away for shabbat sheva brachot, no one told me not to.

Yes because it's a mitzvah to light. And everyone has that Mitzvah. Even when they are in someone else's home.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 4:38 pm

Thisisnotmyreal wrote:

I'm going to translate this:

Bnos Yisroel (Jewish girls) are accustomed to bentch (licht) each one on their own even when right next to their mother's. Even when the husband doesn't light and is relying on his wife to bentch. Even though the actual obligation is only per household as explained earlier (seif hey), nonetheless girls light because the commandment applies to them as previously explained, they each make a Bracha. It's best that each bentch in a separate room but in any case they for sure not make a bracha on the same candle.

Now in English:
Girls should bentch licht, the mitzvah is extremely applicable to them. It's ok if they light if their mother's light also and each girl should have her own candle and make her own Bracha. ( Aruch Hashulchan, a sefer on Halacha, on girls bentchen licht.)

We don’t pasken according to the aruch hashulchan these days. We go according to the Mishnah brurah.
But anyway it clearly states that this is a minhag. Please don’t say this Halacha! It clearly states minhag and also brings down the issue that this minhag might be a brocha lvatala so she should light in a different room to avoid that.

Thisisnotmyreal

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 4:44 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

The term נוהגות is not only used to reference Minhag. It's commonly used all over halacha seforim no one claims oh that's just minhag. It's halacha.

He literally right after says the common way is fine. And that it's not a Bracha levatala.

Just because you don't use the aruch Hashulchan as your way to pasken what to do today doesn't mean it's not true. ETA or that it's inapplicable today. Rabbonim do not exclusively learn Mishneh Brurah to pasken shaalos.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 4:58 pm

When DD was little, we had a small electrical fire in our apartment. Ever since then she's been terrified of lighting candles.

I was told that I could light her candle when I light mine, and she could watch and say amein to my brocha.

amother

Royalblue

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 5:33 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

Who's "we" ? Can't Believe It

amother

Mauve

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 5:34 pm

This question came up when chabad as part of a mivtzoyim campaign encouraged women to light shabbos candles. Single women wrote to the Rebbe asking this very question and the Rebbe answered that even if it is not your minhag, it is a minhag yisroel that has been forgotten, so it is perfectly okay.
I will try to find a link with a source.

sidewalkchalk

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 5:42 pm

Obviously you need to ask your own shaila. I always lit 1 candle next to my mother (we were not chabad), until I went off to seminary. There I did hataras nedarim because as a sem girl I wasn't always going to be able to control if I had a place to light or not...

When my daughter was born, I really, REALLY wanted her to light with me. But we asked a rav, and was told unequivocally that we really oughtn't. Sigh. But I usually have a daughter cuddling with me as I light!

amother

Apricot

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 6:07 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

That is exactly what I was told when I was little. In my family all the Girls light 2 candles, for Shamor vezachor, every week from when we turn 7 (chinuch reasons)
When I went to sem or away from home I never had a problem lighting shabbos candles it was just something I did, (everyone was always so surprised when I told them that I light 2 shabbos candles, but it just felt really natural to me) and also never had a problem of where to light.

Thisisnotmyreal

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 6:17 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

Who's "we" ? Can't Believe It

The Aruch Hashulchan is from the 17th century. It's pretty accurate to say we don't pasken exclusively according to him. However just because the Mishnah Brurah exists doesn't mean we stop learning from Gemera to poskim of earlier generations for halacha.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 11:20 pm

We have a relative who's an einikel of R' Boruch Ber Lebowitz. They have a minhag to light two candles with a brocha from bas mitzvah.

(This is from the mother's side but it's done by many).

Their father told them to say bli neder in case when they go to camp etc they feel embarrassed & don't want to do it but usually there's someone else who also does so they don't mind.