Ashkenaz vs sefardi wedding/chuppa

rakcna

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 11:26 pm

So depending on the "brand" of Sephardic versus Ashkenazi.

Sephardic chuppah often has a talit draped over the chattan and kallah. The Spanish Portuguese custom was for it to be held over the chattan and kallah (similar to yekke-style) by four single males, and it is a segulah for shidduch.

Sephardic custom is for there to be birkat kohanim. Some will have all kohanim, but often it is select kohanim who are called up.

Some have birkat besamim as a kubbud which is often given to a grandparent.

For Syrians, and many other Sephardic chuppahs, the first one to "March" is a chazzan, often in full chazzan garb who sings himself in. Then the chattan marches with his parents. After him is whoever else. Then the kallah and her parents march halfway. The parents give the kallah a bracha, the chattan walks to them to greet the kallah, also gets a bracha. The parents walk to the chuppah. Then the chattan and kallah walk together to the chuppah.

The traditional chuppah songs include mah tovu.

There is often no yichud after the chuppah, although there may be a fake yichud with no eidim. This is particularly important for those who follow Hacham Ovadiah.

The ketubah is usually different in a way that is significant halachically (don't remember exactly).

Many chuppahs include a speech and often a song that they couple choose.

Typical Sephardic custom is not to have a badeken or tanayim. So the wedding really starts with the chuppah. Also, the chattan and kallah don't fast (the kallah is not allowed to) and they can see each other the whole week prior to the wedding, so they usually take pictures before the chuppah and only a few afterwards with just the chattan and kallah.

If I think of anything else, I'll add.

amother

Plum

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 11:48 pm

There's no such thing as a general "Sephardi" custom. Each kehilla has minhagim of their own. If you specify, different amothers here can help you. I'm 2nd generation persian, and all my siblings married American Ashkenazim, except for one who marries a Morrocan, so we've done a bunch of "mixed" marriages.

Here are some Persian contrasts to the post above mine.
My siblings and I all fasted. I've never heard that the kallah can't fast. (My father is a posek, will ask him)
We don't do like the Ben Ish Chai (draping the Tallis over Chosson and Kallah) but hold it up over them (and yes this is a segula).
The Chosson walks down the aisle to get the kallah.
We all had a kabbalos panim/badekin (but it's not a Persian thing, it has more to do with the fact that we're integrated into the mainstream Ashkenazi community where we live.)
Although we don't have the minhag of not seeing each other the week before, many keep this anyway, because the chosson's rebbe recommends it. (my father does as well for his talmidim.)

Our yichud room was fake, in that someone kept knocking and walking in, so that I wouldn't have to cover my hair.
The kesuba is different in that there is no clause about not taking a second wife, and that the Chosson signs the bottom.
We don't have any particular songs for under the chuppah, and don't have a chazzan walk down the aisle.
Birchas kohanim under the chuppah is not a thing for us (surprising because our kehillah is known for having a lot of kohanim. For a while ppl were doing this, but it was a fad copied from other Sephardi communities.)

Chickensoupprof

Wed, Aug 19 2020, 3:51 am

[quote="amother [ Saddlebrown ]"]Some ashkenazim also use a Tallis under chuppa. Yekkes have a Tallis draped over them under the chuppah.[/quote I'm yekkish this happened indeed but most chuppas now have only the tallis at he chuppah I married in a litvish/yeshivish shul underneath the tallis they were not over our heads.

I will ask my portugese sefardi friends how their minhag is interesting.

Btw I know someone who is yeshivish and went to the Pshevorsker rebbe in Antwerp and he told her not to fast. Don't know why will ask her.

rakcna

Wed, Aug 19 2020, 8:01 am

samantha87 wrote:

Can someone explain the "fake" yichud? Like, who do it if not for real? And I thought it was the Rambam who required it?

Also, lots of what we costar an Ashkenazi wedding today is a mix of customs popularized in the US over the last few generations. There is probably some of that with Sefaradic customs too. I. E. The hazzan singing down the aisle. Really, any aisle and anyone walking down.

Some do the fake yichud either to give them the time to spend together or because the way weddings tend to be structured nowadays is with time between the chuppah and when the chattan and kallah enter the room.

sky

Wed, Aug 19 2020, 8:55 am

[quote="Chickensoupprof"]

amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:

Some ashkenazim also use a Tallis under chuppa. Yekkes have a Tallis draped over them under the chuppah.[/quote I'm yekkish this happened indeed but most chuppas now have only the tallis at he chuppah I married in a litvish/yeshivish shul underneath the tallis they were not over our heads.

I will ask my portugese sefardi friends how their minhag is interesting.

Btw I know someone who is yeshivish and went to the Pshevorsker rebbe in Antwerp and he told her not to fast. Don't know why will ask her.

DH is yekke. We stood under an actual chuppah. Wrapped in a Tallis.
It is a beautiful minhagim.
(I find in general yekke and sefardim have some similar minhagim. )

amother

Ecru

Wed, Aug 19 2020, 9:27 am

rakcna wrote:

Wedding starts with the signing of the ketubah
Hatan, kallah, parents, and othe close relatives are present

All rabbis, ALL, march in first then the Hazzan

The bedekening is done on the isle. When the Hatan goes to get the Kallah he checks if it is really her.

Some do a coin instead of a ring under the chupa

At a Syrian wedding ppl don’t typically wash. At the end of the wedding, the caterer puts out a table with food and the family sits and have sheva berachot

Chayalle

Wed, Aug 19 2020, 9:58 am

sky wrote:

DH is yekke. We stood under an actual chuppah. Wrapped in a Tallis.
It is a beautiful minhagim.
(I find in general yekke and sefardim have some similar minhagim. )

I read that this is because many Jews reached Germany from Sefardi countries way back, perhaps after the expulsion from Spain? (don't remember exactly) and they integrated into the German Kehillah, and brought some of their minhagim with them.

amother

Jade

Wed, Aug 19 2020, 10:33 am

Quote:

No cheder yichud for most.

I don't know if this is the case with all sefardim, but...
I had a sefardi babysitter. Her granddaughter got married while we were still using her. She told me they had a private chuppah early in the day and then the wedding was at night. The chuppa was family and eidim only. The do a mock chuppa at the wedding itself. I don't know if this is something they all do or just my babysitter's family.

icedcoffee

Wed, Aug 19 2020, 11:26 am

ddmom wrote:

Afaik most sefaradim do not turn around the kalla 7 times like ashkenazim do!
(Maybe I missed but I didn't see anyone mentioning it!)

My rabbi told us that since my tradition (Ashkenazi) would be to circle 7 times but my husband's (Sephardi) would be to not do it, we could compromise by circling 3 or 4 times! I don't remember how many I actually did, I'd have to rewatch the video.

My Persian experience was similar to amother plum's. We both fasted before the wedding day. We had a bedeken but no tisch, but that was more just a personal preference for each of us. Wrapped in a tallit for the ceremony. No chazzan or birkat kohanim. He met me down the aisle when I was with my parents. We went to a yichud room but I don't think there were eidim. And we had ghormeh sabzi at the cocktail hour hahha.