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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names
Name that can evoke bad memories



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 12:19 pm
I'm thinking of giving a name after my husband's grandmother. However, my own aunt who passed away as a toddler had the same name. My question is, if I shouldn't give the name as it might be painful for my savta.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 12:21 pm
You have to find out from her.
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#Happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 12:23 pm
Wow,
Has no one been named for your aunt yet?
Your grandmother might find it a comfort for someone to have that name. Is there a reason you think that it'd be difficult for her?
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 12:26 pm
If you do give the name, we were told to make a change (when someone died young). It can be as simple as giving a second name that wasn't that person's second name. It could help with this as well, to use a nickname or something that wasn't exactly what the child was called every day.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 12:41 pm
It's not our minhag to name after someone who passed away in childhood. Additionally, other extended family members with this name had terrible tzaros, infertility, someone's child died, another one passed in the twenties... I would definitely not give the name after anyone from that side. I feel the name comes with bad mazel. I'm talking abt giving the name after my husband's grandmother, which happens to be the same.
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 1:06 pm
I would ask a rabbi abt using that name altogether. Even tho it's a diff person, the name would just give me the chills,ץ
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 1:20 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It's not our minhag to name after someone who passed away in childhood. Additionally, other extended family members with this name had terrible tzaros, infertility, someone's child died, another one passed in the twenties... I would definitely not give the name after anyone from that side. I feel the name comes with bad mazel. I'm talking abt giving the name after my husband's grandmother, which happens to be the same.

Op u r answering your own question. Why didn’t your mother used the name?
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 1:48 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:
Op u r answering your own question. Why didn’t your mother used the name?


I wouldn't be naming after my own side. I would be naming after my husband's grandmother who was just niftar. He loved her very much and would love to give the name.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 2:06 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I wouldn't be naming after my own side. I would be naming after my husband's grandmother who was just niftar. He loved her very much and would love to give the name.


I think thats fine. I was planning on naming dd after an aunt that died in her fifties. I called a Rav to ask about adding a name and he told me not to name for the aunt but to name for the person the aunt was named after. We did that, my husband said the name in shul and in his mind said for my great grandma. When I called people after shabbos I made it very clear that she was named for our great grandmother.
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agreer




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 20 2020, 4:21 pm
It's a sad "coincidence" that your DH's grandma had the same name as your aunt, but you are not naming after your aunt, so there's no problem in naming after the grandma. You don't need to ask a Rav. There's no halachic issue.

However, I think it's REALLY sweet and sensitive of you to worry about your own grandmother's feelings.Would it bother her, or would she not even think twice because it's after your husband's grandmother? Since that is the real issue here, I think you'd need to ask your grandma (or your mom). See how she feels. It's the only way you can give the name with peace of mind.

If grandma would be devastated and your husband is really pushing for it, then ask a Rav.
Otherwise, give the name.
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yonabets




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 21 2020, 9:31 am
I would not even if it's not after her.This name has a bad connotation so it's not nice to have it.Even for your daughter I feel it's very sad to have this name! (It's 's not הלכה , it's just a feeling)
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 21 2020, 9:50 am
I am far from the superstitious type, but it's been said that if a name has a bad mazel in the family, then there is a reason not to use it.

I don't have sources, so I think that you and DH should hash this out with your rabbi.

Perhaps a good compromise would be to name the child Nechama (comfort), as both sides of your family need comforting. Hug You could use the aunt/grandmother's name as a middle name.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 21 2020, 9:57 am
I would actually talk it over with your grandmother if possible.
My in-laws lost an infant before my husband was even born.
We and all my siblings in law avoided that name (although we all had relatives on the other side with it) because my mil never talked about the baby and my fil did everything possible to protect my mil.
Then a cousin had a baby with that name, and my mil didn't stop gushing about how much she loves that name and it became clear that that child was actually a comfort to her.
When I talked to her about it, it came out that she wanted people to name the name or talk about the baby, but 50 years ago, people didn't talk about it, were encouraged to forget so she just followed the "rules".
The whole experience was very enlightening.
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