How do you get a 2 year old to do anything?!

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 11:44 am

So frustrated. I feel like everything is a power struggle lately (I know, I shouldn't get into power struggles!) I've read all the advice online. I try distracting, giving choices, staying calm, ignoring. But I'm losing my mind. It took an hour to get him to get dressed the other day. I like to take a walk for exercise, and he won't go in the stroller and when he walks, he just meanders along, stopping at a whim, deciding to go home after we've only walked half a block. Any suggestions? I need my walk for my own mental health if I'm going to stay calm and not battle the toddler.

ra_mom

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 11:50 am

Can you pre-plan? Have him choose his outfit the night before and lay it out in anticipation for the morning.
Regarding walking, would you take him in a push around buggy that has a strap? So he can enjoy the ride on his "bike"?
Or use a toddler backpack harness so he doesn't run off?

amother

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 11:58 am

We can try the planned outfits but I guess we're struggling because we're not on a set schedule since we're home because of covid. I also have an infant so I need the double stroller, so I can't do the bicycle. Maybe when it gets a little cooler out I can wear the baby in the carrier and try the bike. I don't think a leash would work because he would just have a tantrum if we didn't go his way.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 12:49 pm

My son is turning 2 and definitely big on power struggles! The only thing that seems to work for me is making things into a game. Want him to follow you? Let’s play the marching game! Getting dressed, let’s make silly noises when our arms go into the sleeves, etc.

keym

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 1:05 pm

I give silly choices.
Do you want to go upstairs being carried regular or upside down? Do you want to put pants on first or shirt?
I race him a lot. I'm the fastest. Look how fast I can go upstairs. No. It's not fair Yossi is faster than me.
The stroller is rough. Maybe a snack to eat or something.

tichellady

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 1:15 pm

It can be very hard, some days are definitely worse than others. Sometimes I have success when I just start doing things without discussing- just change her diaper and dress her without discussing it, but that doesn’t always work. I find nothing always works with toddlers and it’s ok to say “ I see that this is very hard and upsetting for you” while you do what you have to do and the toddler cries

happymom123

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 1:48 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You can take the double stroller and walk to a destination like an open grassy area and let him walk there. It's ok if he tantrums, he's 2, that's how he expresses frustration. When you make it a routine he'll expect it and the tantrums will subside.

amother

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 2:16 pm

Thanks for all the advice everyone! I'm going to try some of these. It's good to hear that nothing works all the time, because I think that's what I've been feeling--I get excited that something works and then the next day it fails. Or it works for my husband but not for me, which is frustrating. This morning was just particularly hard, but he went down easily for his nap so I'm hoping things will be better going into shabbos.

challahchallah

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 2:25 pm

For the stroller, you can definitely try bribing with a good snack. I have a few of the snack cups linked below and what’s great is they minimize (not eliminate unfortunately) spills, and the handle lets you put it on those links or otherwise tie it to the stroller so they can’t toss it out. I save the best snacks for the stroller.

First Essentials by NUK 2-in-1 Healthy Snacker https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N.....X74Y4

Rutabaga

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 2:27 pm

Reverse psychology

Good Friend

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 2:35 pm

Following!
I have a hard time holding on to my patience with my 2 year old. Her preference is to wear nothing at all, she is recently toilet trained and prefers to empty her training toilet into the big toilet herself, only like her fuchsia colored tights, etc. I'm sure many can relate to the frustration involved in the battles.
It's basically bribes, games, distractions, etc. Most convincing ideas work when it's the first or second time, so gotta keep being creative!

amother

Wine

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 2:48 pm

I highly recommend the book How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen

keym

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 2:54 pm

I actually used the premise of The Explosive Child.
Decide what's important and to what extent.
Underwear? Crucial.
Backwards? Who cares.
Shirt and pants for going outside? Critical
Clashing terribly? Who cares.

In other words decide to pick your battles.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Aug 22 2020, 2:34 pm

There really is no one good way to deal with a toddler. They are all likely to work at some point, and to not work the next day. You can have 5 different options, and your child will come up with a 6th one. You can give two choices, and your child will chose "not to choose".

You can be kind, funny, respectful, and reasonable, and your child will fling himself down on the pavement and refuse to move. You can try to old his hand, and he will scream at the top of his lungs "You're breaking my arm! Ow, mommy, OWWWWWWWWW!" You will live in fear of the neighbors calling Child Services on you.

Repeat after me: "We do not negotiate with terrorists!"

Some days, you just have to be calm, firm, and take charge, whether or not a meltdown ensues. You are the adult in the situation, you are bigger than him, and you need to use that to your advantage. He needs to know that you mean business, and that he can do things the fun way, or the hard way, but they WILL BE DONE whether he agrees or not. You need to establish authority, so that when he's 7 or 8, and bigger, heavier, and faster, you can still maintain a semblance of control.

The key here, is control. Not just over him, but more importantly, over yourself. If you stay calm, unruffled, and matter of fact, you will succeed. He may tantrum, but deep in his heart, he will feel safe because he will know that there are boundaries, and that you are taking care of him.

You don't let him have sticky chocolate bars for dinner, and then let him go to bed without brushing his teeth, right? This is exactly the same as all the other things you will have to deal with. Your son needs you to be in charge, whether he consciously recognizes it right now, or not.

amother

Silver

Sun, Aug 23 2020, 12:25 am

I have a 2 year old son. I realized I was getting super annoyed and upset with him and kept losing my patience. I used to think the things I was getting upset at him were valid however, I came to the conclusion that he is just a kid and he is doing what is appropriate for his age. I also didn't like how I felt my blood pressure and emotions rising and how it effected me. I saw that if I was watching him for a few hours if I got upset at him at the beginning than after that I was already in a mood to see mischief that he did and the time spent together ended in disaster . Furthermore, I realized that the more one does a specific action over and over again it rewires the brain. So I wasn't only effecting my son it was spilling into other everyday things that bothered me. Then I recently about a month ago had an epiphany. I am the adult and can't really control my two year old were both not going anywhere anytime soon . I decided to let things go so he made a mess or stood on a box to turn on a light as long as its not dangerous I don't want to be the mother who always is getting upset. I started using more positive reinforcement and use every ounce of self control to not yell or get too frustrated and you know what we are both calmer and can enjoy our time together more. And when I realize I am really about to lose it(I am lucky) to ask my husband to switch places with me if he is around. No it is really not easy especially in the short run however, I am teaching my self and my son skills that will be useful for the rest of our life.

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