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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Preschoolers
amother
OP
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Mon, Jul 27 2020, 7:05 am
My darling sweet 3 yo with the sparkling eyes.
He is deliberately provoking us. From 6 am, he talks loudly, bangs his toys despite not being allowed to due to people living below us, whines non stop, provokes his older brother by stealing his yarmulke and touching his things, makes a mess when he eats (smushed food then throwing the crumbs, spilling drinks, digging his hands into pizza and other foods and smearing them...), at bedtime he pops out of bed while I'm trying to put the baby to sleep, waking her up...
Pls advise how to deal with this behavior. I want to love my 3 yo wholeheartedly.
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yOungM0mmy
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Mon, Jul 27 2020, 7:23 am
Sounds like attention seeking, esp since you mention baby. Sounds like he needs more positive, stimulating, personal attention.
Can you sit next to him at mealtime, play and feed and talk to him, so he won't have a chance to shmush his food, remove as soon as he's done, and lavish praise. Early mornings (when all you want to do is sleep - I also have an 8 month old and a bunch of other kids), call him for a cuddle and read some books together in your bed, or get dh to do it.
Plan a few daily activities to do together with him - baking, colouring and sticking together (not just setting him up with the stuff and walking away), etc. Hopefully after a week or so of this, you'll be able to do a focused activity and then say you're setting the timer for 10 minutes for him to play nicely himself - set him a task and say you'll come back to see it, eg magnatile tower, dinner with the kitchen toys, and then come back and re-engage before he has a chance to slip back into destructive behaviour, and then gradually you can increase the time he can play nicely.
It's a lot of attention and mental focus, but shouting and punishing is not going to make it better. Also, the more positive time you spend with him you'll remember how cute he is and enjoy him more...
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amother
Scarlet
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Mon, Jul 27 2020, 7:46 am
Welcome to the life a of a 3 yr old.
It’s very typical behavior, but so so hard!
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amother
Purple
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Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:43 am
Such a hard age! Bh he’s a healthy little boy. This is normal, albeit difficult.
Some things to try: “sweetie pie, your baby is sleeping sssshhhhhhh. Let’s be careful not to wake up your baby!” (Turn the baby into HIS baby)
“This is baby’s toy/big brother’s thing. And this is YOUR toy. Look how nice your toy is. Let’s make sure baby and big brother don’t touch your nice toy. And let’s make sure not to touch baby’s toy and big brothers toy.”
“Oh silly goose! That’s not how we eat pizza! Show me how to eat pizza nicely.” “You can’t eat it nicely? Ok so let’s take it away until we learn how to eat it all up nicely.”
“I see you’re a little bored, so your acting out. I would love to entertain you. Pick out a book for me to read to you, and I’ll be right with you when I finish doing ____”
Don’t expect anything to change for the next few immediate days. But keep to it, and hopefully you’ll see some improvement.
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Genius
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Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:49 am
My son assaults me from 6 am until I give up. I can only commiserate.
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lovingmommy3417
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Mon, Jul 27 2020, 9:00 am
Yup welcome to having a 3 yo. They will grow out of it eventually. I currently have a 3 yo and VEEEERRY ready for him to get past this stage!
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amother
Floralwhite
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Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:36 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | My darling sweet 3 yo with the sparkling eyes.
He is deliberately provoking us. From 6 am, he talks loudly, bangs his toys despite not being allowed to due to people living below us, whines non stop, provokes his older brother by stealing his yarmulke and touching his things, makes a mess when he eats (smushed food then throwing the crumbs, spilling drinks, digging his hands into pizza and other foods and smearing them...), at bedtime he pops out of bed while I'm trying to put the baby to sleep, waking her up...
Pls advise how to deal with this behavior. I want to love my 3 yo wholeheartedly. |
If you catch the times he's not doing these things and compliment him, he will stop these behaviors. The trick is to put all your energy into the things he does right and zero energy into the annoying behaviors.
He is pushing your buttons, knows exactly what to do to make you react. You can turn it around, flip the situation. React when he does the right thing.
In this way you teach him what is acceptable and you reinforce good behavior without negativity. You will build him up inside and make him feel that doing the right thing is the most worth it for him.
You can learn how to do this with the Nurtured Heart books.
In the beginning is the hardest, because you will need to learn how to have a string of constant ready compliments and it will take a day or so for him to adjust to the new you.
After that it's pretty simple.
Good luck!
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crust
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Mon, Jul 27 2020, 12:52 pm
He's a normal 3 year old. He doesn't do anything deliberately. Chinuch means repetition it deosnt mean that we create little wax soldiers.
Just love him. Pick one behavior and keep repeating one sentence softly.
(We dont throw toys because when we throw toys it bangs on the neighbors head.)
I personally think a 3 year old should have a place to throw toys.
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NurseK
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Tue, Aug 25 2020, 9:12 pm
naturalmom5 wrote: | https://www.amazon.com/New-Dare-Discipline-James-Dobson/dp/1414391358
Memorize this book |
Did you find this outdated?
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FranticFrummie
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Wed, Aug 26 2020, 2:33 pm
I can tell you the problem in two words. "New Baby."
There are really good books for toddlers, about how they can name their feelings when a new baby comes home. They are very validating for the child. You'll find them being his favorites for quite a while, because they are so comforting.
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