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-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
amother
OP
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Wed, Aug 26 2020, 2:51 pm
amother [ White ] wrote: | This was an extremely painful thread to read. I have a preteen son who sounds like your brother to a tee. At this age I can still force him to shower etc and he goes to school but I’m scared of the future.
Every time we convince him to go to therapy he goes 3 or 4 times and as soon as he hears a perceived criticism he refuses to go back.
He is an extreme perfectionist and nothing is ever his fault.
He gets bullied but also bullies! Because if someone makes a mistake he will never forget and then bully that person.
He has taken meds for depression but at this point refuses to take it. The only thing that has been working for us is holistic energy work which is so expensive but we really see a difference! We go on a weekly basis which keeps our household at peace and worth the investment at the moment. |
There is a HS program in Israel for kids like this - met the guy who runs it and they are super professional - and they work with the whole family unit. My brother is too old(it pretty new) but maybe they can help you avoid my brothers situation
https://www.meromimisrael.com/
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banana123
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Wed, Aug 26 2020, 2:56 pm
amother [ Orchid ] wrote: | At some point, these men (it seems mostly men) will need to develop some survival skills. At a certain point I would draw my line in the sand and say, you have this amount of time and the then you need to move out.
Parents hate to do this, but nothing else will motivate them. It’s difficult to watch older parents in a situation like this. But a sibling can’t really do anything. You can offer respite care but you cannot fix the person. |
That's usually true, but OP's brother has a real disability. You can do that to a normally-abled person. They will figure it out. Someone who is disabled may not be able to just figure it out like that.
OP, maybe a group home for Jewish autistic adults?
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amother
Cerulean
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Wed, Aug 26 2020, 3:39 pm
amother [ Coral ] wrote: | You both are forgetting that this is not a neurotypical person. If it's a person without any disability, I would agree, but her brother has Autism. It's a Disability. How hard is it to understand?? Psychological disorders are real, they are not some behavior excuse. |
When I said similar, I meant in regards to severe ASD as well.
Yes, I got set up with people on the spectrum that struggled to hold down a job, or succeed in one. Or only had one by virtue of a kind family member. That struggled to hold a normal back and forth conversation.
Thanks for your judgmental assumptions. Spend a week in the life of a 35 year old single frum girl and you will get these sort of shidduch suggestions, too.
Yes, their parents were in denial. Either to not getting more help from a young age. Or assuming they could marry them to a put together, on the ball girl, who would somehow perform miracles and help their son overcome this disability.
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amother
Coral
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Wed, Aug 26 2020, 3:52 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote: | When I said similar, I meant in regards to severe ASD as well.
Yes, I got set up with people on the spectrum that struggled to hold down a job, or succeed in one. Or only had one by virtue of a kind family member. That struggled to hold a normal back and forth conversation.
Thanks for your judgmental assumptions. Spend a week in the life of a 35 year old single frum girl and you will get these sort of shidduch suggestions, too.
Yes, their parents were in denial. Either to not getting more help from a young age. Or assuming they could marry them to a put together, on the ball girl, who would somehow perform miracles and help their son overcome this disability. |
DH has aspergers and I love him so my judgment comes from a different place than you imagined. I'm not judging, only explaining.
Does he struggle with social interaction and have anxiety to certain every day things? Yes, but it doesn't bother me. To each their own. People with ASD have many qualities and each person knows what works for them and ASD has different levels.
I don't think OP should worry and pressure her brother based on the information she gave, that's all.
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