4 year old won't go to sleep. Please help

amother

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 3:33 am

My daughter's been an excellent sleeper pretty much since she was born. Part of it was because she was so addicted to her paci which I only let her have in bed. We got rid of the paci a few weeks ago. My daughter was completely on board and by now she pretty much forgot about it. Problem is she won't go to sleep. She insists that we stay with her and won't stay in bed if we don't. She wants us to tell her stories the whole time. It takes her 2-3 hours to fall asleep this way. We've tried prizes but she's not interested. She's exhausted during the day because she's not getting enough sleep. We tried mel-o-chews but they just make her tantrum. She's starting kindergarten tomorrow and I don't want her to be too tired. I don't know what to do and would appreciate some advice.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 4:12 am

1.5 mg of melatonin. Get the 3mg chewables from iHerb, and break them in half. Give a half an hour before bedtime, and your problems will be solved. It's a total game changer.

DD's pediatrician told us that the studies that show that it's dangerous to give melatonin long term, are outdated and were badly done to begin with.

I started DD when she was 5, and I really should have started at 4. Before that, I don't know who cried more at bedtime, me or her. We were both exhausted beyond reason! Once she started on melatonin, she was so happy! She would come to me in the evening and ask for her "pill", and then we'd cuddle and read for a bit. Then she'd ask me to put her to bed, I'd sing one song, say Shema, and she'd be sound asleep until it was time to get up for school.

We took weekends and holidays off as a break, to make sure that it would always work when she needed it. She eventually sleep trained herself, and decided on her own that she didn't need it anymore, but it took a few years to get there.

As long as your pediatrician is on board, I'd say give it a try. It might be the best thing for both of you.

amother

Lime

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 4:24 am

Start the bedtime process a little earlier than usual. Bath, pajamas, drink and a story. Let your dd pick out 2 books or one big book. Before you read tell her that you Will let her choose the story and after it is finished it’s time to sleep. If after the story she objects to you leaving then remind her that she had a chance to pick out the book and now it’s time to sleep. If she still insists you stay then as a parent you need to put on your serious business face. Tell her” Ok I let you pick out a book and mommy read it to you, now I will sit with you quietly for 5 minutes but no talking and lights out.”
If she talks , speak soft and do not engage in conversation.

The idea is that you give her some control like choosing the book and your undivided attention before bedtime and then she needs to meet her end of the bargain by accepting bedtime. After 5 minutes walk away and insist she return to bed gently but firmly. She will learn.

Elfrida

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 6:51 am

It sounds like she was intellectually able to accept giving up her pacifier, but doesn't quite know how to sooth herself to sleep without it.

It might help to introduce a soft toy as a 'bedtime friend', which she can have in bed and cuddle and talk to while she is settling down. She's learning a new skill. Its going to take time. You'll need to set limits about stories and then be consistent in maintaining them, but be gentle about it

Frumme

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 7:27 am

Maybe Ferber for older children will work (no, it doesn't involve CIO).

Basically, if you know it will take 2-3 hours for her to fall asleep, then just have her go to bed 2-3 hours later than her current bedtime. Don't worry, it's temporary! For example, if you put her down at 8, then have her go to bed at 10. Without the whole 2-3 hours of fuss before, it's possible she might even get too tired to stay up until 10! Basically, the whole song and dance you have been doing is only keeping her up. By removing that stimulus, she most likely won't be able to stay awake as long. You can still do books and stories, BUT there must be a strict, strict limit. You must enforce a boundary. For example, my DD knows she gets 2 books at bedtime and naptime. If she is extra good or one of the books was a little short, she might occasionally get a 3rd book. But that's it, books go away even if there are tears (songs and cuddles instead). She is testing your boundaries and knows that she can get you to entertain her for 2-3 hours.

If the extending bedtime works, then it should just be a matter of decreasing bedtime by 15 min every night until you get to the time you want her bedtime to be. Good luck!