Guest inviting guest

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 11:30 am

I'm wondering if this is a strange thing to do or I just haven't encountered it at all.

Person A is invited for Shabbos to sleep over and eat meals at an acquaintance's (Person B) home. Person A asks if they can bring along a friend (Person C) who is unknown to the host, Person B. Essentially this means that Person A will have company when Person B is both available and unavailable, so I get why it's convenient, but isn't it weird? Person B is inviting you and does not know who Person C is and you ask them to bring a stranger into their home? Is it socially off or is it a "why not?" type of thing to do?

amother

Denim

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 11:35 am

In Israel, this happens regularly with seminary girls and yeshiva guys. I was there twenty years ago, and most times I went somewhere, I brought a friend or was the one brought.

ChanieMommy

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 11:37 am

I love for people to bring their friends along. So I would be totally fine with the situation... There are many very open houses with a lot of hachnassat orchim who have no problem whatsoever with this... that''s the way they would define hachnassat orchim...

In a general (non jewish or not religious) social context I suppose most people would find it awkward... So I guess it depends on culture.

Anyway, your acquaintance should feel free to say no. that's why they asked her. What counts is not what other people do, but what she feels comfortable with.

doctorima

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 11:47 am

For eating a meal, this happens all the time and I'm happy to do it as long as we have space. For sleeping, I'd feel uncomfortable with a stranger sleeping in my home.

mp5

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 12:11 pm

As someone already said, in Israel it is very normal with seminary girls and yeshiva boys who either need a place or want to try out a new place for a new experience.
As a hostess I've been asked many times, can I bring a friend - even by strangers or near strangers (18-19 year olds, that is). Personally, if I have room I don't mind one bit - if anything, the opposite is true because this means the girl will have company and I won't have to stay awake and chat to keep her company instead of collapsing into bed after the evening meal or getting a much needed Shabbos nap.
If it doesn't work for me for whatever reason I just say no.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 12:34 pm

I used to have a frequent guest for Shabbos lunch that would ask to bring along a friend or two. The first few times I said ok but then my husband started getting annoyed about it and I realized he was sort of right. Our regular guest is a family member who we feel we have obligation to, the other people aren't and although it's nice to expand your table we felt like he's coming with his friends to chill and mooch off our liquor and food, vs coming to spend time with us. We discussed this with our Rav, and then told him he's welcome to come whenever he'd like but we're not up to hosting his friends anymore.

I was on the other side of this though, we were invited out for a shabbos meal to someone who is constantly hosting a variety of people. I don't remember if it was right before zman, or as we were walking out for lunch, this particular family member showed up. We took him along for the meal and it worked out ok. I wouldve preferred being able to give my friend notice, but she didn't mind. I wouldn't make it into a thing though.

ShishKabob

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 12:37 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

There is a chazal
Ein orach machnas orach
A guest should not invite a guest.

This was my first thought as well. However, if guest A asks permission if she could bring along someone else, I don't think it means this. If guest A brings along guest B without permission, this is the meaning of the passuk.

banana123

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 12:50 pm

If the family is hosting gap year students for Shabbat, I don't see why the guests can't ask to bring along another one or two friends, as long as sleeping arrangements aren't an issue. At any rate the host family is doing this for the mitzva, to help give them the Israeli experience/ host someone who needs a place, and they are all strangers anyways. So why not? We've had it a few times and we're totally cool with it.

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 12:55 pm

singleagain wrote:

It really depends on the type of relationship.

But unless you are super close or your host has indicated that it's not an issue... I would not do it.

Not super close at all. In fact this is the first time Person A is sleeping over at Person B's home even though they've known each other for a long time.

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:00 pm

Person B does not live in Israel and Person A is not in seminary or in need of a place to stay. It's a "we're friends for so long, why don't you come to me for Shabbos" invitation.

banana123

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:02 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Person B does not live in Israel and Person A is not in seminary or in need of a place to stay. It's a "we're friends for so long, why don't you come to me for Shabbos" invitation.

If Person A is single and close friends with Person B then maybe, depending on the relationship, I can see it happening. Even not super close I can see it happening. Depends on the dynamics.

amother

Black

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:04 pm

I would not do it, but I am a grown woman. I think it is expected in the Sem/Yeshiva year for teens to do it. Singles may also do it. It is less likely about the guest wanting more company and more likely the original guest feeling bad for and not wanting to leave the friend alone, that they have nowhere to go.
Sometimes it feels like the host is being used and taking advantage of but change the perspective that they are so awesome at Hacnasat Orchim that a guest feels so comfortable that they want to bring someone who has no place to go.

singleagain

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:05 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Not super close at all. In fact this is the first time Person A is sleeping over at Person B's home even though they've known each other for a long time.

Then no. I think that's not so appropriate. Unless the tell people and traveling together on an extended road trip or something

GoodEnough

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Person B does not live in Israel and Person A is not in seminary or in need of a place to stay. It's a "we're friends for so long, why don't you come to me for Shabbos" invitation.

Sounds to me that Person A might be feeling awkward about being alone with Person B for the entire Shabbos.