I need time management skills!

amother

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 4:06 pm

Why am I so bad at this?? I probably have ADHD actually but I've always been nursing or pregnant and doctors are very hesitant to experiment with me.

I have a 3 yr old and a baby. I come home from work around 5, I have my baby with me all day, my toddler is at work with me for the last hour. I'm exhausted and can barely move anymore at that point. I try to play with my kids first outside or inside before supper and bedtime. Then I need to give my toddler supper (which are dysfunctional, she used to eat so much healthier and I feel like she's having a tuna sandwhich every night lately). Then the baby needs to nurse and be put down which can take time. I try to have my toddler (sometimes with the baby if he's still up) in the bath by 6:30 but it's so hard. After the bath she gets a bottle that she drinks on the couch while I read her a book. At this point it's 7 or later. We go to her room, I spend a few minutes with her, and then I leave. Sometimes she needs something and I go back. After this I want to lay in bed and never get up.

Then, at 7:30 my husband comes home from kollel....where's his supper you wonder? Ummmm...

Help me!!! When do I make supper for him?? My sundays are hard (my husband is not home then and I am not good enough to be able to meal plan, shop, and make food with two demanding kids). I'm SO tired at night. My job needs outside hours put in and I also just need a break!

How will I do this with more kids?! I'll take any advice you have!

(Note - I'm happy for my husband to learn, I make enough money to support us, and I really see my kids enough. I just don't have it in me for this household stuff. Send help.)

zaq

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 5:16 pm

I'm not seeing any signs of ADHD. I'm seeing a classic overworked, underslept working mom of young children doing as well as can be expected and better than some.

1. You work. Your dh works. He should be sharing household responsibilities with you. Being in kollel doesn't give him a "get out of housework free" card. If anything he should be doing more, seeing as you're bringing in the money that the ketubah says HE's supposed to provide. And he certainly has no right to supper on the table as soon as he gets home. Who puts supper on the table for you when you get home? He's an adult and quite capable of getting some grub himself if he's that hungry.

2. tuna sandwiches are a perfectly acceptable and nutritious supper. So are peanut butter sandwiches and cheese sandwiches. so is cereal and milk now and then. Throw in some tomato slices or pepper sticks if the kids get no veggies at lunch. Nobody NEEDS a hot supper, nice though it is.

3. you work. you're allowed to buy convenience foods.

4. it's fine to have a handful of simple dinners that you repeat over and over. nobody ever died of culinary boredom. it's fine to make one meal in bulk and serve it two or three nights in a row, though it's more interesting to freeze the rest for another time or times.

5. camouflage, camouflage. Today's tuna salad fills sandwiches for supper; the remainder of the tuna salad gets served atop noodles as tuna casserole tomorrow night. The rest of the noodles get topped with cheese and nuked the day after that as mac and cheese, and the day after THAT, if there are any noodles left, you top them with tomato sauce and maybe some mushrooms and onions and cottage cheese and serve "cena italiana" or whatever name you want to give it. no need to make a whole new supper every night.

Hang in there. It gets easier eventually. Kids grow up, go to school, need less supervision, and best of all, can be taught to do household chores and even cook!

amother

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 6:52 pm

ra_mom wrote:

You're managing your time very effectively- actually accomplishing tons in the short amount of hours that you have in the day!! You really don't have time for supper.

Would it be possible to buy pre-seasoned, pre-breaded proteins once a week and freeze? Put in the fridge to defrost the night before and then just place them in a pan in the oven to bake while the kids play outside?

Otherwise dh can go shopping once a week, form, season, bread and freeze everything for you to be able to pop into the oven later in the week.

Thanks for the suggestions! I think the ADHD thing comes in by the "defrost the night before" type of thing. I can do all this it's just takes so much mental energy for me that it's hard not to just ignore the problem. Minus the buying stuff. I can't imagine spending those prices. But I guess if something has to give and we need food maybe I will. Also my husband currently does the in person shopping.

I'm also very much an all or nothing type of person.
So if I can't make supper like I used to be able to without kids I just don't. Which I know is wrong. At least I should do something even if its not all.

Would you be able to give exact instructions on how to bread and freeze quickly? I for sure have to buy thin cut cutlets right?

amother

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:00 pm

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

You don't need better time management, you need more time Smile

Few small hacks that work for me:
When I cook for shabbos, I make an extra pan of chicken with a different sauce (from a bottle) to have for 1 night.
My crockpot is my friend. Do you have time to put up a crockpot meal in the morning?
Also, once in a random while I'll have a random day with 2 hours to cook (like kids have daycare on a legal holiday I'm off, or husband randomly off a day to take them), so I make bulk meat sauce and taco meat to freeze- easy defrost meal.
My husband would come home from Kollel for lunch on Sunday so I could run to the grocery store. Is that an option for you?

Thanks! I like the chicken for Shabbos idea (when I'm home, when I'm not I can't even rely on leftovers Sad

).
I never learned how to do crockpot meals. My husband makes the cholent and I don't even know how to use it lol. I'll do some googling!
I could do the sunday lunch option but my husband usually does the shopping anyways (I'm terrible at making lists if anyone wants to help with that, oy I'm a wreck). I could also cook then but it just doesn't happen and there's always something else to take care of with him.

hello321

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:14 pm

I will tell you what helps me; as a working mom.
Have delivered whatever you can. Groceries, toiletries and clothing. That helps a lot. When these items come delivered to your door it saves time from you going to those stores.
If you can shop once a week for the week that helps too( I do my delivery on Wed for food when I do it so the food is in my house for Thursday to start cooking for Shabbos)
I was never amazing about meal planning but I like to have things in my house that I can just make a quick dinner for example always having chicken in the freezer.
You can always defrost that morning and spice and throw in the oven.
The rice cooker is my friend. It can make Brown or white rice, quinoa, steam veggies. Look on amazon. You can set it and forget it and it turns off when its ready so its great for busy moms. You can put in the rice, water. Then go out or bathe a baby.
Don’t feel bad about amazing dinners. You do the best you can when you can.
Some people like making a lot for Shabbos so they have leftovers for the week.
If you can afford to be some premade or even prepared meals; even ready spiced chicken that you just have to pop right in the oven. There are a lot of options out there. Crock pots.
Double when cooking for Shabbos and freeze

Most importantly: don’t compare yourself to others!!! You are doing great. Some days are easier, smoother then others.
Take care of yourself! And good luck!!!

amother

Lavender

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks! I like the chicken for Shabbos idea (when I'm home, when I'm not I can't even rely on leftovers Sad

My key to no-time cooking:
Step 1- come up with 5 protein sources (ours are chicken on the bone, chicken cutlets, meat (ground beef or stew), dairy, falafel.
Each night of the week gets a protein source (you can also do 2 nights a week of the same meal and make it a 2 week cycle). Within each protein I have a few options.
So come motzei Shabbos, when I lesson plan, I pick 1 meal from each category, assign them to days of the week, and done.

Crockpot: basic recipe is starch (potatoes, rice, or quinoa), protein (I like chicken legs), veggies, sauce or spices+ some water.

amother

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:19 pm

zaq wrote:

I was diagnosed with it but I never got to see if medication helped to know for sure.

1. My husband does a ton! Much much more than most men I know. The shopping (more than once a week), tons and tons of cleaning, playgroup drop off and pick up etc... I don't think he's the problem here. He would make his own suppers if he had the time. His lunches are taken, sometimes my fault. He had to take my daughter to the dr today because I didn't take her before I started work again. He's just always busy with technical things that need to get done. He comes home at 7:30 and leaves back to night seder at 9 then comes home close to 11 again. He also gets the baby for me in the morning and puts him back for me so we both are quite sleep deprived. We need to go to sleep earlier but it's hard.

2. I guess so. I just feel bad. And when she was a baby she used to have the suppers I made for my husband and me.

3. It's so expensive Sad

. I work enough to live in NYC! Not enough to live a convenience type lifestyle.

4. True. I should do this. Thanks. Definitely better than nothing!

5. That sounds like a lot of cheshboning and being creative both of which I am not good at.

ra_mom

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I slice the cutlets myself, but it would definitely take quicker if you buy the thin ones.
I marinate the cut cutlets in ziploc. Then transfer each piece into a clean ziploc with crumbs. Shake to coat. Stack cutlets with parchment paper in between. Freeze.
When you're sticking the food in the oven for dinner, just take out tomorrow's frozen bag from the freezer at the same time.
Good luck! I think you're doing great.

Scotty

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 9:15 pm

You guys are both maxed out. Don't blame yourself (and I say this as another maxed out, ADD mom!) Just think - if you worked part time, and (c"v!) had no kids, would you have a planning problem that would prevent you from cooking dinner? Probably not. There you go...
LET THE GUILT GO. It will not help you. YOU SOUND LIKE A SUPERMOM AND SUPERWIFE AND SUPERLADY (again, I say this as a sleep deprived overworking ADD mom who is still awed by you!)

if I may... save the breaded chicken for yom tov or for when your kids hit fourth or fifth grade (aka when they can actually entertain themselves for five minutes) As my mother once told me, 'working moms make either crockpot or broiled chicken'!

Can you put a timer on your phone for 7 pm every night to defrost some chicken (a few hours on counter then on fridge, or nuked in microwave then stored in fridge)?
then, when you come home EXHAUSTED from working all day and being mom, here are some five minute suppers you can make for hubby. if you feel guilty about your kids eating tuna (protein + carb! That's amazing supermom behavior right there!) they can grab a bite before bed with him.

A. BAKED CHICKEN - 10 minute prep, 2 hours baking while you play with kids
When you come home:
1. clean chicken (3 minutes if no one's crying) and put in pan
2. put on spices OR sauce(s) OR soy sauce + balsamic vinegar + honey OR mayo + spices + cornflake or pretzel crumbs OR ALL OF THE ABOVE MIXED TOGETHER. You can make as many variants of this as there are sauces on the grocery shelf, or combos of spices in your cabinet.
VEG SIDE DISH: pour a bag of frozen string beans or squash, or a bag of baby carrots, in with chicken.
CARB SIDE DISH: wrap sweet potatoes in silverfoil and bake in the oven OR pour rice and water into a separate pan and cover and place in oven
3. bake everything 350 oven for 1 1/2 - 2 hours.

(Alternately use a Near East mix that you pour into a pot with water and cook for twenty minutes - or they have some mixes that just need you to pour boiling water over and voila ready to eat)

B. BROILED CHICKEN - 5 minute prep, 40 minutes broiling
half hour before hubby comes home:
1. clean chicken, put on cookie sheet pan
SIDE DISH: slice UNPEELED, UNWASHED potatoes onto the same cookie sheet with chicken - the heat will sterilize the germs don't worry - they will become yum fries
2. broil on hi for 20 minutes, flip for another 20 (some ovens will set off the fire alarm - don't freak out if this happens and be careful when flipping, it's HOT)
VEG: serve with baby carrots and grape tomatoes

C. CUTLETS - 10 minutes prep time, hubby can fry when he comes home
When you come home:
1. pop thin sliced cutlets into ziploc with whatever sauce in fridge OR oil + spices + vinegar.
2. let sit until hubby comes home, then fry on regular pan or grill pan OR spread onto cookie sheet and bake or broil until JUST underdone (it will finish cooking after you take it out.)
SIDE DISH: serve on baguettes or bread with lettuce and tomatoes and whatever sauce or mayo in fridge. Or the sides above. next time you're in a kosher deli restaurant snag a menu for ideas on what type of flavor combinations you can make this way - they have great ideas! ie, chimichurri, spicy mayo, onions... buy the sauce and have a blast)

D. CROCKPOT - PUT UP IN MORNING
Don't be afraid!!! Put in practically any vegetable that's not a lettuce, a can of beans if you like them, can of tomato sauce if you like that, then chicken on the bone (cutlets get dry). Splash in some soy sauce or balsamic vinegar and spices, cover and DONE.
If you'll be gone 6-8 hours, put on LOW. if you'll be gone 4 hours, put on HIGH.
SIDE DISH: put in checked rice or barley under the chicken plus some liquid (water, leftover chicken soup) and HEAVEN
or put in chunked or whole potatoes or sweet potatoes under the chicken heavenn
you can also put in red lentils if that's your speed yummm

Last minute emergency meals that are still hot and qualify as Real Supper:

split pita and cover with olives, zaatar, cheese, even tuna if you like it. spray with pam and bake, serve with lettuce+grape tomatoes+dressing

salmon if you can afford it: pour over mikee dressing (any), bake. serve with Near East mix and lettuce or cut peppers

fry an onion (and whatever peppers/tomatoes in fridge if you are fancy). Make eggs with these fried veg and two cheeses (shredded cheese + American cheese for instance) and serve with toast or on a roll. if you want to be fancy make an omelette. buy a fancy roll or use pareve leftover challah if you want to dress it up (or spray with pam and garlic powder and rebake for garlic bread)

toss unwashed potatoes into the oven when you come home for an hour
split, pile on broccoli and cheese, bake again. Serve with eggs if you need more protein

panini - cheese(s) plus veg or olives or fried onions, put into a milchig george foreman or even a sandwich maker

YOU ARE A CHAMPION MOM AND WORKER AND WIFE DON'T YOU DARE LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT OR KNOCK YOURSELF!!!

B'tayavon!!!