Was it appropriate?

amother

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 3:17 am

I made a shidduch not long ago, which was b´´H so far successful, the coupple is married and happy.

It was NOT easy - I was involved A LOT and coached BOTH etc.

But b´´H everything worked out beautifully.

They contacted me and wanted to know how they can show their appreciation through a gift.

I first said Im glad things went well and thats the biggest gift...I REALLY DONT WANT MORE CLUTTER around the house.
Im going through a somewhat complicated first trimester of pregnancy and DREAM of a wellness day AFTER the baby/after the bris or kiddush, just AFTER the mikva...you get the idea AFTER the balagan. Im super exhausted in quarantine working full time with little ones and just DREAM DREAM DREAM of a massage, peeling...

SO I actually told them a voucher to a wellnessplace would be great.

DId it come across entitled? I dont usually go to wellnessthings. I dont treat myself to much honestly, because I never crossed my mind, but now with all the nausea, the hard work etc I imagine it being VERY relaxing to be without the kids for a couple of hours with soft music and ppl caring for me.... I hope they dont think Im a spoiled brat.

DH things im overreacting and hormonal and my request was totally fine. I didnt demand a certain amount of money. He said if their voucher is not enough he will chip in the rest.

WHat do you think? SHould I have just stuck to my original plan and said I dont need anything? What is the right thing to do? It was my very first shidduch and I have zero experience with this.

Thank you for your opinions

amother

Bronze

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 3:19 am

Great job, kol hakavod!
And extra kudos for giving them a specific idea. Believe me, they appreciate it

essie14

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 3:40 am

Completely fine. We gave cash to the friend who introduced us.
Enjoy your gift! Mazal tov!

Rappel

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 3:45 am

Enjoy your gift!

twizzlers1

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 3:46 am

That was a great idea! And you're really supposed to pay your shadchan.I know if I'm going to give somebody I'd really like to give them a gift that they would like and appreciate.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 3:46 am

Totally appropriate, and it is to their benefit to give Shadchanus Gelt in the way you want, there are many spiritual benefits to paying the shadchan.

eileengray

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 3:48 am

Totally appropriate! And a great suggestion too! People can often get those vouchers for a discounted price, so they should have no problem finding something within their budget Smile

amother

Magenta

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 3:50 am

Not entitled at all.
In certain communities ppl hold it is an obligation to pay $1000 each side to the shadchan. Not starting a controversial thread, just stating a fact. So please no comments.
My point is you were 100% in the right and shouldn't feel guilty.
Mazel tov on your shidduch and bshaa tova.

amother

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 4:54 am

Thank you for all your responses. Seems like you all agree it was good to tell them. I do feel relieved now.

Smile

And thank you for the sweet wishes!!!
It means a lot to me (as irl noone knows about the pregnancy yet and its tough)

amother

Khaki

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 6:52 am

It sounds like you let them get off cheap, many shadchanim charge much much more than the cost of a spa day!

Enjoy it!