Should I quit my job

amother

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 11:37 am

I've been working for the same company for nearly 20 years with no breaks except short maternity breaks. I am going through a lot of stress in my life right now, am pregnant and just really not holding it together.

I'm burnt out and my work is stressing me out to my limits. I CAN do what they keep pushing on me (they are way understaffed and keep pushing on more work than I am willing to take, and they know it) but every time they try to push more I feel myself getting worked up and ready to cry. It also means me needing to work every spare second which is usually after kids are sleeping or any stolen moment because life has been too busy during the day to put in the full hours.

My emotional health is not great, I probably need to go on something to help me cope with my life and I feel like I really need to stop working so that I can do everything else I need to without the added stress. We have some pretty big expenses now so my salary is definitely helping but my DH b'h is successful and we can manage without it.

I really want to throw in the towel. My DH isn't a fan of it, both because he likes making money and we could use it (but don't NEED it) now and because he thinks it's good for me. I'm sure it's not.

I got offered a job in the same field for way more money than I'm making now but I'm not up for taking that offer either because I am burnt out and don't think I can handle learning a new system, aside for being due fairly soon.

Given all this, what do I do? My husband says I should do what I want, which doesn't feel so supportive. Also I'd really be leaving the company in a lurch if I stopped working now, when they can't keep up with the workload.

I just don't know how to make this work without snapping.

Mommy1:)

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 11:42 am

how far along are you? Maybe start taking leave now, or plan on starting it asap? Then, while out and after baby, look for something that would better fit your needs, while getting emotional support (aka a therapist). Go back to the old job for a week or two, give notice, and transition to the new job. No break on your resume then Smile

FranticFrummie

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 11:47 am

Mommy1:) wrote:

This is brilliant advice.

Make a plan for the transition. Just knowing that you are one foot out the door and have an idea what to do next, is going to lower your stress level immensely.

Every time you get stressed at work, breathe deeply and tell yourself "This is temporary, it won't go on much longer." Sometimes just that little shift in attitude is what you need to get through this period.

Stress is not good for you or the baby, so try to take it easy on yourself. Never mind DH for now, do what is best for your health.

B'sha'a Tova!

Mothers

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 11:52 am

If quitting now means leaving the company in the lurch, maybe they’d be motivated to work with you to make your job more manageable - in order not to lose you. Figure out what would work for you in terms of workload, hours, working conditions, etc. and present them with a proposal that will best meet their needs, while meeting yours. You don’t need to threaten to quit, but you can make it clear that under the present circumstances, it will be impossible for you to continue. Keep it positive, and maybe you can come up with a win-win proposal, which they will accept. (If not, then at least your conscience is clear with regard to leaving them at a difficult time.)

Hatzlacha! Feel good! And may Hashem send you much bracha in the new year!

amother

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 11:55 am

Mommy1:) wrote:

I will likely deliver in around 12 weeks. I probably won't start another job so quickly, I need my life to settle down first.

I really just want to stop working now and then tell them that I would let them know when after the baby I can come back, but without any timeframe when that would be. Last time they started badgering me at 6 weeks, went back at 7 and was so not ready.

amother

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 11:58 am

Mothers wrote:

I already told them I'm having a hard time and want to limit my work. It goes over their head. They're desperate and ignore my limits. I tell them no more and they just send me more work the next day.

amen, thanks so much for your warm brachos!

Genius

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 12:14 pm

If the other company offered you a job, I’ll assume you’re a great employee. You shouldn’t have a hard time finding a new job when you’re ready to rejoin the workforce. I have no idea what industry you’re in. Would a leave for a couple of months to regain your kochos and destress be a bad idea?

peacenine

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 12:21 pm

I'm in a similar but different situation. I'm deciding if I should leave my job for other opportunities. Making change is so hard but what helps me make a decision is the understanding that when you say NO to one thing you say YES to something else and vice versa.
So maybe right now you're saying YES to your job but NO to your physical and emotion health etc. And possibly if you'll say NO to your job, you'll be able to YES to what's really important to you. Only you could evaluate your specific situation.
Best of luck in making the decision that's best for you!

amother

Pearl

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 12:32 pm

So I have been in a very similar position. Worked for a company that was TOO stressful and was affecting my mental and physical health. Quitting & getting a new job was seriously the best thing I ever did! And don’t feel bad about leaving the company in a “lurch”. It’s not your fault they are understaffed. It’s only a job. Your health comes first.

Now, my practical advice, based on personal experience. If I were you, I’d focus on 2 things:

1) Make your mental health your top priority. If you haven’t already talk with your doctor, come up with a plan. Figure out what works for you - be it therapy, medication, a support group, a combo of meds/therapy...etc. also, being that you are pregnant, discuss with your doctor if you may have PPD. You can have that when pregnant.

2) now about the job. I wouldn’t just suddenly quit if possible. Taking early leave due to “pregnancy complications” might be a good idea. Discuss with your doctor. If you’re dealing with PPD/anxiety...etc your doctor may be able to start your medical disability/leave earlier. You do not need to disclose at work why you are taking earlier leave. If you’re able take earlier leave, then use this time to focus on your mental health. And also use this time to research and find another job. Ideally, you would be able to find another job for when your maternity leave ends. And don’t just jump at the first job offer. Make sure it’s a good fit for you.

ora_43

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 12:34 pm

Another vote for 'negotiate.'

Your current job wants to keep you. You have another (probably better) job offering you way more money.

Can you respond to the job offer with a, "I'm really interested in this position, love your work at Company, blah blah blah, but I was planning to scale back my hours in the upcoming months, is that something we could make work." See if they'll play along. Some employers are happy to pay less money for fewer hours, or are just willing to compromise if they really like you as a candidate.

Or, go to your current company, tell them you're burned out, you need to cut back, and oh yeah, you also have a much better offer. A reminder that you could be doing this same thing for much better pay, elsewhere, might help jog their memories re: the whole not overworking you thing.

Don't force yourself to choose between work and sanity unless those are definitely the only two options.

ora_43

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 12:43 pm

Also, before quitting, I would try taking a much harder line with your current manager.

Right now you're saying you want to cut back, but your actions are saying "I will do whatever you ask, including working into the night, for below-average pay." Your manager isn't a saint. They're going to take advantage of that.

Start saying "no" and following through, what do you have to lose?

I'd start with one last email to your manager, mentioning that you've been working late, taking on extra tasks - whatever specific things you've been doing - but that you won't be able to do that anymore. And then follow through. "I finish at 5, so I won't be able to finish this today, but I can get it to you tomorrow." "I won't be able to do both this and Other Task today, which would you like me to prioritize?" Etc. Practice if you have to. "I won't be able to do that." "I just don't have time for that." (Try to avoid "sorry.")

If they are remotely competent, they won't penalize you for setting firm boundaries. You've been working there for nearly 20 years! You've been going above and beyond! You're in your last trimester! Freaking covid! Any one of those things would be reason enough to cut you plenty of slack.

And if they're jerks about it, then you can quit. And look for another job when you're ready.

(I would say you could quit guilt-free, but honestly, you shouldn't feel any guilt either way. As much as they may like you as a person, if they weren't happy with your work, they'd fire you. If you aren't happy with them as a workplace, you quit. That's just how it goes.)

ggdm

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 1:30 pm

Can you reduce your hours instead of quitting completely? Either just change the contract. Or where I live, a doctor could write that you cannot work more than X hours a day for pregnancy reasons. Here in my country, you would also have a few weeks maternity leave before birth... it is really not so unusual to feel tired/unable to work in pregnancy.

And then really stick to those hours and everything else will just not be done. And be very consistent in saying "no" and "I am finished for today". If they pressure you to work more, write down when you start and finish and take breaks and how long each task takes, to show them that you have done what you are payed for.

As for after the birth: Maybe a longer maternity leave would be good to sort your thoughts, work on your self and be ready for a new job? Completely valid reason to not work. Or for reducing hours. Ask the other job if it works for them if you start only in 6 months (or whatever) or with X hours a day.

Last edited by ggdm on Wed, Sep 23 2020, 2:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

NotInNJMommy

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 1:36 pm

I agree with the above. Your mouth is saying "no", but your actions are saying "sure, keep it coming". You've said no, it keeps coming, so you have to triage for your sanity. Let your stakeholders know how you will be triaging work items and the potential impacts to allow them to weigh in on your method/priorities. Keep the focus on what you will be doing in the best way and most efficient/effective way possible given your finite capabilities.

Mothers

Wed, Sep 23 2020, 2:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Just a suggestion that you try to take a step back and put some effort into coming up with a solid, workable plan. Saying you are overwhelmed and need to cut back presents them with an additional problem, at a time when they are overwhelmed, as well. Coming up with a workable plan presents them with a solution, which they may be glad to accept. At the very least, it can make them take you seriously, and if not - it will give you grounds for a graceful exit.

Again, wishing you much bracha and hatzlacha!