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Asking out of towners to test before coming



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 2:20 pm
For Yom Tov.
I think it’s the responsible thing to do but I’m getting some push back from family.

Basically their argument is: if they are symptom free they don’t want to test. & if they test positive, they can’t come anyway & they are stuck at home for 2 weeks.

I do see their side but also know testing is the responsible thing to do.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 2:21 pm
Good for you!
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 2:38 pm
If they can’t oblige you they are free to stay home. That’s my opinion
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 2:42 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
For Yom Tov.
I think it’s the responsible thing to do but I’m getting some push back from family.

Basically their argument is: if they are symptom free they don’t want to test. & if they test positive, they can’t come anyway & they are stuck at home for 2 weeks.

I do see their side but also know testing is the responsible thing to do.


If they test positive, they should be staying home so they and their household don't further spread it to their hosts and extended family.

If they test negative, then they can feel more confident about not doing that.

I know many families, some jewish, some not, who have agreed to all get tested before a gathering to minimize the risks to all. Many times, everyone is fine. The one case I know of where someone tested positive, it was good everyone knew and a bummer she couldn't attend but better for everyone.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 2:44 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
For Yom Tov.
I think it’s the responsible thing to do but I’m getting some push back from family.

Basically their argument is: if they are symptom free they don’t want to test. & if they test positive, they can’t come anyway & they are stuck at home for 2 weeks.

I do see their side but also know testing is the responsible thing to do.

Yes, testing is the responsible thing to do. You should both test, and they should both test before they come and once they get home...
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 5:22 pm
I know it’s responsible.

But they are not prepared to test b/c of reasons I said in my OP.

So they’re staying home 😢

It’s makes me feel very sad that that’s what they chose
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 5:27 pm
Well, if you laid down the requirements you have to abide by the consequences.

You said, 'Test, or don't come'. They said, 'We don't want to test, so we won't come'. That was an implicit option when you gave them the choice. They are accepting your rules, just not choosing the option that you wanted. Feeling sad is a valid reaction, but blaming them isn't.

Were you also planning to do a test before they came to you?
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 5:34 pm
In general I've wondered how helpful is asymptomatic testing anyway? What if they get exposed the day after they test, and then you have a false sense of security.

If these are guests that you really want, would you consider discussing with a doctor to come up with some good precautions?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 5:54 pm
It’s not so simple.
I have other kids that live in same city as me & don’t either feel comfortable with them coming (from a very hot spot) to our city (not a hot spot)

Also, me and dh have not had it B’H & we are in our mid fifties.

There is no right or wrong answer. & I totally understand them. But I still think it’s irresponsible to travel without getting tested, especially since they are coming from a place where my son in law admittedly is not careful, surrounded by not careful Kollel yeshiva guys.
& he also stated they are not careful in shul.

& we are. Have always been. If they came they couldn’t go to shul.

But again I feel sad that this is what they chose.
All my friends kids who are coming are testing prior to coming.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 5:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:

All my friends kids who are coming are testing prior to coming.


The ones who are coming are testing. And maybe they also have children who are not testing and not coming.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 5:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It’s not so simple.
I have other kids that live in same city as me & don’t either feel comfortable with them coming (from a very hot spot) to our city (not a hot spot)

Also, me and dh have not had it B’H & we are in our mid fifties.

There is no right or wrong answer. & I totally understand them. But I still think it’s irresponsible to travel without getting tested, especially since they are coming from a place where my son in law admittedly is not careful, surrounded by not careful Kollel yeshiva guys.
& he also stated they are not careful in shul.

& we are. Have always been. If they came they couldn’t go to shul.

But again I feel sad that this is what they chose.
All my friends kids who are coming are testing prior to coming.


You can both respect that you gave them reasonable options and they chose one of the them and also still feel disappointed. Feelings are what they are.

I know I can't control others, and I'm still really disappointed in a lot of people in positions of influence making poor decisions daily. But, they aren't accountable to me.
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challahchallah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 6:17 pm
Simple1 wrote:
In general I've wondered how helpful is asymptomatic testing anyway? What if they get exposed the day after they test, and then you have a false sense of security.

If these are guests that you really want, would you consider discussing with a doctor to come up with some good precautions?


We did a family get together with testing. Everyone fully* isolated from a few days before the test until the get together. As you said, you don’t want to be exposed after testing and bring it to your family.

Obviously this is too hard to do frequently, but it was really special to be able to have real family time (with hugs even!) in this time.

*For our purposes, we defined full isolation to still allow outdoor activities where you might encounter others at a distance in passing (I.e. we still went on walks around the neighborhood and just crossed the street if someone else was coming, but we wouldn’t do an outdoor lunch with another family). We did not go inside anywhere other than our own home, so all shopping was via delivery and we worked from home. We also decided that just testing adults and kids but not babies was good enough. This was the risk threshold we were all comfortable with, but some families will be more or less strict depending on how much risk they’re willing to accept.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Wed, Sep 23 2020, 6:38 pm
We have a "Bubble", everyone living in the house keeps to the same rules that we all established together. We are pretty strict. If anyone leaves the bubble, I.e. kids go to inlaws or something like that they have to quarantine for several days and then test before coming back.
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