My son said his SIET hit him

amother

Violet

Wed, Sep 30 2020, 5:31 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

Does she work with him outside the classroom? Are there other professionals in the room? Perhaps you can get more information from an outsider.

Please don't involve outsider's before clarifying with the seit. This will just cause her unnecessary embarrassment. This can hopefully be clarified with a phone call.

amother

Amber

Wed, Sep 30 2020, 6:11 pm

Oy. I am a SEIT. I would def not drive ur son crazy to repeat the story a million times, he is little and won’t be able to recall clearly or correctly after being interrogated. I can totally imagine some very innocent scenarios that got misconstrued in a child’s mind. In general I try very hard to be hands off, bec I feel that using physical prompts should be last resort. If u want u can speak to the Seit in a non accusatory way. I would be mortified to hear a student of mine coming home saying this. I will say though, u should keep ur eyes And ears open in the future. I’m an advocate of believing when children say something, they don’t normally lie, although in his mind it may have been misconstrued.

amother

Slategray

Wed, Sep 30 2020, 6:23 pm

I have a 2yr old playgroup, last year I had a very smart kid in my group. One day I told everyone in a very stricy voice,"now it's lunch time and everyone has to be sitting down by the table!" I then took a few kids that kept on getting up and put them on the bench.
He said to me: " why are you hurting people?" I was horrified, I was most definitely not hurting anybody but he took it like that because I rarely raised my voice!
I of course told the mother what happened when she picked up.
Just to point out that kids sometimes do make-up stories. Obviously your child had a bad day, I would call and say "my son came home very upset, what happened today?"

amother

Wed, Sep 30 2020, 7:37 pm

Thank you for all the advice! BH for imamother.com
I’m sorry for answering late, we were building our sukkah
I called the SIET earlier. I asked her how today was. She said harder than usual and it was a bit crazier. I told her my son said Morah hurt his tummy. She said no one hit him as far as she knows, and she’ll keep a bigger watch next time and that she’s sorry.
I wasn’t there, so I can’t judge. However, I did tell my child that if someone, anyone, touches you or hurts you and you don’t like it, say “don’t touch me please”
Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Anyway it’s a half day and last day till after sukkot so that’s good bc I’m sure everyone can use a break

amother

Lime

Wed, Sep 30 2020, 8:34 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

I am a mother, grandmother and playgroup morah of many years and I have heard children flat out straight faced tell bald faced lies. Some children do normally lie. It is actually a relatively common stage that some children do go through. It is in nobody's best interest to believe otherwise even though it may not be PC to say so. That being said, I don't think that is the case here it would seem he probably misconstrued the situation.

seeker

Wed, Sep 30 2020, 10:57 pm

I concur with what several others said - it is likely a misunderstanding, but you definitely do want to follow up. An open-ended conversation with the SEIT may give you a sense of what she's like and what might have happened. After that, you can verify with a classroom teacher.

As a SEIT (and frankly any professional, but I feel this position is more delicate in some ways), it is important to keep your work out in the open so that another adult can verify nothing fishy goes on in your sessions. SEIT work is generally supposed to be done within the main classroom; though the teacher has a job to do and won't be watching the SEIT all the time, being in the same room gives one a certain security that there's nothing to hide. And if the child was indeed hurt, the classroom staff would hear if they shouted out or cried at the time. If you can't be in the classroom the full time, then you need a publicly accessible area with an open door or window. A closed door is a huge liability.

Odelyah

Thu, Oct 01 2020, 12:23 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm sorry but I find this kind of disturbing. why harder and crazier? crazier implies it's usually crazy, just today was crazier.. what kind of classroom environment are we talking about? what kind of supervision? your son was clearly upset about something and based on what you said, it sounds like he was actually hurt. if he later said differently it could be he saw you were upset about it and wanted to smooth things over so you wouldn't be upset anymore Sad

and if someone hurts a child ch"v I don't think they should say please don't. I think they should say loudly OW that hurts! STOP! and they should tell their mother or a trusted adult--which your son did. I think it's really important that your son sees you take it seriously and make sure he is completely safe.

gamanit

Thu, Oct 01 2020, 12:16 pm

I once took my kids to a playground I had been to with them many times before. I let them run ahead while I walked slowly with the stroller. From the distance, I saw my son throw my daughter against the gate at the top of the slide. I was about to yell at him for trying to push ahead of her. When I got closer I saw that the slide was gone; he was trying to prevent her from falling. There might be a perfectly reasonable explanation.

seeker

Thu, Oct 01 2020, 2:16 pm

gamanit wrote:

That's an amazing story!

Though... 9 times out of 10, a kid who looks like they're pushing is in fact pushing. Still an awesome story.

octopus

Thu, Oct 01 2020, 2:29 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

It could be this situation is a simple misunderstanding or mishap, but important to note that many survivors of abuse have said they weren't believed because they were kids....

Ok. I understand this point. But do you know what a seit is? This is a licensed special ed teacher. Not a classroom teacher that is dealing with who knows how many kids. This is a teacher that works one on one with a child in the classroom. Why any seit would risk her license and any future job is beyond me. Sure, anything is possible, but in my experience a bad seit will just not do her job/looking at her phone all the time not hurt their ONE student. When I've witnessed abuse in the classroom it was a classroom teacher.

Eta: a seit has a lot of bosses. The agency, the school, the preschool director, the classroom teacher and the parent. There are a lot of eyes on him/her.

Last edited by octopus on Thu, Oct 01 2020, 2:31 pm; edited 1 time in total

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 01 2020, 2:30 pm

The only thing I know for sure, is that everyone here might be right - or wrong!

Anything is possible, and that is why you have to keep an open mind.

I would not call DD "a liar", but she was definitely what I would call "not a reliable reporter." LOL

She had a very poor grasp of cause and effect. It took a good bit of detective work on my part to figure out a lot of what was going on with her.

"Mama, Sarala hit me today FOR NO REASON!"
Me: What was happening just before Sarala hit you?
"I was just sitting there, swinging my legs, and my feet were hitting the chair in front of me."
Me: Was that Sarala's chair?
"Yeah, but why did she hit me?"
Me: Well, maybe she didn't like you kicking her chair. Can't Believe It

It wasn't nice that she hit you, but you should not kick people's desk or chair. That's not nice, either.

Next day, same thing, different scenario. Backtrack and get to the source of the event. Try to explain cause and effect.

Next day, same thing!

octopus

Thu, Oct 01 2020, 2:40 pm

And I'll never forget , with my own daughter, when she was 4,she told her morah proudly, "my mommy pinches me." When the morah told me I was absolutely mortified! I smooshed her delicious cheeks and sprinkled her cheek with kisses before I dropped her off. In her mind I pinched her. I felt terrible. After that, I just gave kisses , no smooshy cheeks.