Child with intellectual disability in Frum community

amother

Wed, Oct 07 2020, 11:26 am

We don't know the extent of it or what his long term potential is. I want him in a Frum setting if we can, starting in kindergarten. He's in a special ed preschool now but COVID is messing up so many things so the program is hybrid with zoom (aka most of the days are zoom class and useless). Anyone BTDT with advice? Can a kid with a low IQ be okay in a Frum school? How low? Sorry if that's not the right wording, please don't nitpick. This is my kid and I'm obviously respectful and invested in him.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Oct 07 2020, 11:31 am

It depends entirely on what your community is like, where you live, and how accommodating the school wants to be. The school gets the final say as to whether or not they are willing to mainstream your child.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Hatzlocha!

amother

Wed, Oct 07 2020, 11:36 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I preliminarily asked around and I think if he qualifies for a full time 1:1 aid they'll allow it. The question is, is that what's best for him academically and socially. I have no idea and don't want to guess wrong at his expense.

imorethanamother

Wed, Oct 07 2020, 11:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Where do you live? That’s the most important detail in this discussion.

mha3484

Wed, Oct 07 2020, 11:41 am

I third where you live. Where I live in Chicago my boys yeshiva has a full special education class inside the regular yeshiva building. I dont know if this exists in any other midwestern state. We also have an extensive program for kids with learning disabilities. A lot of it is due to our local Jewish Federation. Other cities offer different things.

amother

Puce

Wed, Oct 07 2020, 11:45 am

Assuming the school will accommodate you, I think that a lot depends on the child’s level of comfort and emotional maturity. I believe that your primary concern should be that his self esteem should develop in a healthy manner.

mha3484

Wed, Oct 07 2020, 11:49 am

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

I agree with this. A kid who feels like they belong and has a chevra even if its in a special school will do a lot better overall then a kid in a mainstream school who constantly feels stupid or less then. Often times these kids seek attention in ways that dont benefit anyone.

I have a son who is brilliant but suffered socially for years and ultimately we took him out for a year and put him in a special program which did wonders for him. By the end of 1st grade his self esteem was in the toilet and he was miserable. After a year in school for kids with social and emotional issues he was such a different kid.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Oct 07 2020, 11:59 am

Another vote for a special Ed setting where kid can really thrive. Most large communities have special Ed programs that integrate into normal schools when possible. Your kid will probably feel more normal in a school of kids like him than to have a 1on1 in a regular school. Also 1on 1s can't slow the whole pace of the class to the pace he needs.

Are you comfortable telling us where you live so we can help you find the right school?

mha3484

Wed, Oct 07 2020, 12:22 pm

I don't know if you have other kids or other boys but another thing to think about is the curriculum in the more right wing yeshivos can be really intense. Even in the most accommodating schools, the hours are long, school is 6 days a week, some go into the summer also. Imagine being a kid who needs significant help to learn basic skills and having to sit in school from 8:30-4 including sundays and then come home after school and chazer everything you learned. If your feeling dumb all day you now get to repeat the experience after school too.

Then there are all the charts and incentive programs that just compound these feelings. I think we often think about the earliest years of our kids development like K,1st,2nd when we make choices for them but we forget the real expectations come once its too late to make major changes 3rd when they start mishnayos 5th with Gemara. Most kids I know would be mortified in 4th grade to switch to a special ed school. In K they dont know any better.